Partner putting hidden camera in house

[ivise]

Hi , long story short . Me and my partner , my girls dad aren’t doing good in relationships anymore . We aren’t fighting but we aren’t communicating anymore unless it’s about some basic home stuff or our child . Basically roommates . I have been thinking for ages how to break out of this unhealthy situation but financially I can not . The flat is on my name and I feel bad to kick him out .

Anyways , yesterday he said that he has put a camera in the house . That threw me off completely .
His reason was to make sure we are safe . That is so much crap . I got defensive and said that this relationship needs to end asap and that he has lost the plot .
I feel violated. I don’t even know if it’s true or he just wants to get some reaction out of me .
Regardless this was my last straw . I don’t think this is normal behaviour. He didn’t even care to accept that I am not feeling comfortable.
what things can I do ? I want to get out of this situation asap?

Look, who the fuck cares whether he has anywhere to go or not. That is 100% his problem, not yours.

He has made his own bed here and now it is time to lie in it. Get him out and change the locks. If he refuses to go and/or sticks around and starts harassing you then call the police. You've already threatened it. He seems not to have taken you seriously so now it's time to follow through and do it.

Call the police. He is not your responsibility, he will find somewhere.

YOU don't need anywhere to go at all. HE does, but the fact that he hasn't anywhere is his problem, not yours. Get him out, change the locks and stop pussyfooting around.

He is an adult (apparently anyway). He will cope and find a solution. If his solution is to harass you then call the police. He has to go. No question.

Him not having anywhere to go is not your problem. Change the locks when he is out.

Get a restraining order and file charges for the camera. The Police will get him out of your space.

It’s very much in your favour that the tenancy is in your name.
You can ask him to leave and if he won’t leave call the police and have him removed. Inform them he is spying on you and may well become aggressive.
Smash all his cameras to bits but not before giving them all the finger, so he is clear on your feelings about this.

I am very bad at confronting. Maybe because he never took my words serious. The only way I don’t want kick him out because I just wanted to keep this as normal as possible for our daughter. He is great with her . And I wouldn’t want to mess up his life with police . That would def mess with him seeing my daughter .
but now I am having doubts on him on what kind of person he actually is . Kind of scary
starting to think that he would be the type to steal my kid from me

Both get out this situation will never end give notice and go your separate ways

Why are you all so nice? I know why. Sorry. Have him out right now, this is fucked. Good luck.

That is not your problem to solve for him. His behaviour isn't acceptable, it's controlling behaviour. Tell him to go. Reach out to the police for advice and tell him he has said he's installed hidden cameras and he won't leave or remove them and you feel unsafe.

He's not listening because he thinks you don't mean it. You don't have to be shouty or angry, but you do need to be serious.

Tell him to pack his bags and leave today. If he refuses, tell him you will call the the police. If he still refuses, call the police.

Never mind what happens next, first step is to get this controlling creep out of your home.

He is on very dodgy legal ground. If he's placed the camera in your bedroom, your DD's bedroom or the bathroom he could be up for voyeurism, which means a potential prison sentence & a stint on the Sex Offenders Register. Even in other rooms he is in trouble. If he was to - even entirely unintentionally - film your DD in a state of undress he would be in possession of an indecent image of a child from a legal POV and the courts won't care about his excuses. I know this is all pretty heavy, but the placing of hidden cameras is very serious & would worry me (is this actually a new thing on his part?). I sometimes roll my eyes at Mumsnet going instant LTB, but I would get him out ASAP and at least consider contacting the police. I totally understand wanting to keep things normal for your daughter, but he's the one taking this into abnormal territory.

Tell him "My flat, my rules, no cameras - this is a live with it or leave situation"

@CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankeewhat if after I mention that he says he was only joking ?
what do I do then ? How do I even believe that .
I feel like even if he was joking I wouldn’t want him there because the trust is gone

Then chuck him out. If he won't go, tell police.

Personally I'd tell him to save the only joking line for the police.

I feel like even if he was joking I wouldn’t want him there because the trust is gone

that’s what everyone here is telling you

Stop being so bloody nice! His problems are his to solve, not yours.

He isn't nice at all. He isn't great with your daughter either because if he has put in cameras or listening devices then these spy on and violate her too. He's a shit parent and you should have no qualms about getting him out.

You tell him that you don't believe him and that you will be getting police help to throw him out if he still won't go. Then you follow through, immediately.

You dont know what to do, you wont kick him out, you give him notice to leave or stay with him and be unhappy and have him film you in the bathroom and bedroom and track your phone and car and listen to your phonecalls, hes probably already tracking your phone

Search for devices from your phone (it will be Bluetooth connected)
Change the WiFi password

online says to be cautious if he has contributed to rent or have keys ,are on the bills . Like he could take action on that? Is this wrong information?

Throw him out don’t use him as a meal ticket then moan.

He gets it, OP. Don't be in any quandary about that.

The let is in your name. He doesn't get a choice. If he has nowhere else to go then that's his own problem. He should have thought of that before engaging in and confessing to voyeurism (a criminal offence).

Protect yourself.

It doesn't matter what he says next, he has made you feel unsafe and unsettled in your own home. What kind of idiot 'jokes' about a thing like hidden cameras anyway?

You can end this relationship for any reason. Your decision is enough.