Always Mum, never Dad!

[Changesarecoming]

We have not long been home from our summer holiday, it was lovely, BUT my God, it's always Mum, where are we going today, what are we doing for dinner, what now, Mum I'm bored. To be clear, we have never been to this place before yet coming out of the airport to collect a car, my children and DH all look at me, where now? I DONT KNOW! I HAVENT BLOODY BEEN HERE BEFORE! I now feel like I need a holiday from coordinating a family holiday and constantly asked what's happening.
Sorry, just needed a little rant.

When my oldest son was about 5, I was in the shower and he came in and ripped the curtain open:

Son: "Mommy, what happened to your penis?"
Me wet and soapy and shocked said: "I never had a penis!"
Son: "Oh. When you get done in the shower, can you get me some juice?"

Me: "Isn't your father downstairs?!"
Him: "Yes..."
Long story short, I feel you pain.

When we went on holiday last year my husband turned to me (on the shuttle bus from the car park to the airport). “Have you got the passports?”

FFS!

Lol totally. But it also means you’re more important 😉☺️

'ask your father' as my mum would frequently say

Sorry to let the sisterhood down here but when it comes to all things travel and food we all look to DH despite the fact he has never been there either.
All things linguistic, medical, clothes and toiletries everyone looks to me.

Oh my god yes! I so identify with this.

Family ask me where their lost things are before even bothering to look themselves !
Love, where are my van keys?
Mum, where is my i pad?
Babe, where is my steel rule?
Mum! Where's my hair brush?
Honey, what day are we going to my parents?
Mum - where's my scooter?
Love, have you got my driving license?
Mum - where did i put that fluffy jumper?

Aaaaaarrrrgghhh 😫
What's wrong with all of you ?!?!

I hear you.

Our dd (18) collapsed in another city yesterday. She managed to get to the train station and in the meantime we jumped in my car to make our way there. The sat nav lead us to a dead end where we could see the station so I told dh to get out and go to the station on foot as it was within sight but the sat nav was not helping.

He said ‘but how am I going to get there, I’m not from here’.

I honestly nearly murdered him. Our daughter was collapsed in a train station! Work it out!

We did have quite a serious conversation about it later.

I do try and say in a neutral voice, "don't know, not been here before." Also, "don't know a lot about it, love". I feel your pain 100%. Sometimes it's not even what they say, it's the expectant look. Luckily DH gets it and chips in with an impression of Kevin from Motherland, "It's not my house, Julia."

Yep, I always feel like the bloody tour guide!!!

Regular reminders to your dc they have 2 dps...
*obviously only if they have..
Ds does get sent back to the first parent he came to...

The irritation is partly self inflicted. Your desire to please, to rise to the occasion, conflicting with the unfairness of it.

When you let go of you inner responsible people pleaser, you can just answer, ‘I don’t know, what do you think?’.

No idea
Not sure
Have you checked the map?
I think it’s your turn etc.

Or if feeling particularly sharp- My brain’s busy, use your own.

We're retired and dh still does it. I usually drive these days and if we go somewhere new dh will be like "where do we park" and I usually just tell him that I'm not google maps. Although I always do know because I research or read actual road signs. Our kids fortunately take after me more than him.

Oh yes I absolutely feel this!
Checking weather forecasts and planning what to do each day.
Making sure enough snacks etc to last for each day out (DH seems to think a few biscuits and an apple is sufficient for DC who are non stop all day and growing like mad)
Making sure suncream applied and reapplied throughout the day, often spending what little chance there was for me to sit down for 5mins applying said suncream.
Figuring out what to have for dinner each day and planning ahead for food shopping.
Knowing where every sodding thing is for every sodding person.

I have started saying ask Daddy a lot lately as just sick of being the go to for everything. But things like suncream I can't ignore and always end up reminding or doing it myself. We just aren't allowed to switch off ever. It's bloody annoying.

I wouldn't even mind so much if there was genuinely the recognition from DH for how much mental load there is for holidays with kids but he just doesn't seem to see it.

I remember my ex once calling me FROM HOME when I was at work to ask if we had mince in the freezer

Um, did you have the passports?? I need to know 😅

Of course she did 😂

I bet the answer was yes, though!

DH standing at the fridge, holding the milk bottle to his nose
“Is this milk gone off?”

I was sitting at the table feeding our DD at the time….

I'd love to have seen her husband's face if she pretended she'd given them to him 🤣

Surely the answer to that is "I've got mine..."

My DH handles all holiday logistics, I’m as clueless as the kids.

Oh god, this is so familiar and drives me up the wall. All the questions "Do we have..." "Is there any... " all just to save him actually looking in the fridge/cupboard. My usual response now is "I can't tell from here".

I just say ‘Go and and bother you father, darling’.

Your children looking to you is compliment. You are mum, the one they go to above all others.

Your DH expecting you to solve everything is a huge problem however, as he should grow up and be more proactive.

DH is a qualified mechanic and total petrol head. Runs a classic car group. Literally loves anything with an engine. I have zero interest in anything to do with motor vehicles and didn't even get my license till I was 35.

DDs car (purchased and maintained by DH) is making a funny noise/breaks down/won't unlock - who does she ring? Me. FFS.