Always Mum, never Dad!

[Changesarecoming]

We have not long been home from our summer holiday, it was lovely, BUT my God, it's always Mum, where are we going today, what are we doing for dinner, what now, Mum I'm bored. To be clear, we have never been to this place before yet coming out of the airport to collect a car, my children and DH all look at me, where now? I DONT KNOW! I HAVENT BLOODY BEEN HERE BEFORE! I now feel like I need a holiday from coordinating a family holiday and constantly asked what's happening.
Sorry, just needed a little rant.

My DD is mid 20s, has 3 university degrees and a very responsible job.

Just this week alone she has phoned me to ask how to change her Wi-Fi provider , how to fix the hinge on her kitchen cabinet and how to arrange to have her gas boiler serviced.

I’ve had to do ALL THREE of these things for her. I work FT and live several hours drive away .

It never ends. I’ll be 99 in a care home with dementia and my kids will still be sending me what’s app photos asking if this chicken is cooked and do I have their V5.

I used to be a tour guide, leading tours across Europe. We went to a town today on holiday that we hadn't been to before. On the bus into town and dh asked me a question about the bus stop we needed, I asked if he had thought to look it up and he replied "no, you used to be a tour guide".
Not in every bloody town in Europe! And it doesn't mean that 20 years later I'm now the family tour guide!
He also told me yesterday that he hasn't learned any of the language because I apparently "have a language brain". I asked him how it is that almost everyone in Europe seems to have this "language brain" and can speak English as a second language and possibly a third language too, yet somehow the majority of English people don't have a language brain? This lack of language brain seems to be unique to people whose first language is English-funny that.

It's so exhausting being the translator, the speaker, the reader, the planner, the guide, the buyer...I agree OP.

This is my actual life. My DH is a university history lecturer, but during COVID, DS would walk past him to come and ask me questions for his history work. He's 18 now and will still come straight to me for everything, even if he can see that I'm working/hoovering/elbow-deep in dirty dishes and DH is watching 'Pointless'. DH is just as bad, except with him it's 'Darling, have we...?' Yes, 'we' have sent you mum a birthday present/packed your charger/booked the dentist, but 'we' have started to call him out on it a lot more now and he's starting to get it.

Oh god yes, it's driving me insane and I'm starting to retaliate. It's not the kids as such because that's to be expected but the man child arghhhhhhh. We go in the supermarket and he'll just stand there expecting me to lead the way, every bloody time so now I just stop and stand there too, looking blankly right back at him. Today he asked which counter to put my cuppa on. It takes one step to get from one counter to the other in my kitchen why does it matter which one you put it on? It's the constant trying to use my brain because he cba to use his own. It's wearing VERY thin.

The latest when I now refuse to answer the endless unnecessary Q's is 'I was just thinking out loud'

I agree OP.
DH project manger’s multi million pound projects.
My teen DC smash exams.
I’m the only one with any sense!

Same. I posted a similar groan about mothers load in holiday but got told everyone’s husbands do at least as much if not more- that’s not the reality of what I see.

This is my life. Everyone in my family expects to use my brain. DH doesn’t put things away because he “didn’t know where you’d want it”. Ok, where do you think it might go? Do you think as it’s a top, it might hang in the wardrobe with the rest of my tops? Just a thought….

Oh yes - even if my DH is standing with the child at the time of asking, they’ll still say, ‘no I want mummy to do it’ re: getting a drink, fixing the toy they’ve broken etc.

I assume it’s because I do most of the actual caring… they look to me for it rather than him (!)

YADNBU!
This has been my life first about 19 years!
The most stressful holiday was going away with DH, DC and PIL. It was like everyone's brain went on holiday and I was ask Alexa!
I read the welcome/info booklet at the holiday cottage and somehow this made me the fount of all knowledge about literally everything, even the size of pizza in a cafe I had -like everyone else- never been to fml

I’m sure there’s a meme going round with a skeleton saying something like:
‘When I’m dead, but my kids are still asking me what’s for dinner.’

I’ve been at work and had calls from DS (teen/young adult) asking me where something is - and I’ve bloody found it as well from 3 miles away!!

As for the holiday thing - I am the one that will research it so I know what’s going on, but I’m crap at directions (that’s dh’s domain and he’s also the driver).

As an ex primary teacher who was asked questions like this all day, every day, I would often answer “I don’t know, how do you think you could find out?”

Well, it’s a sign your DH doesn’t do enough if the kids don’t also look to him for those things.

@myplace

Or if feeling particularly sharp- My brain’s busy, use your own.

Love this! Thank you.

Shouldn't you be taking this up with your partner?

My DH has taken to asking me a question while simultaneously getting his phone out to look up the answer. Why are you asking me then?

Mine are grown up so it has become slightly more technical. Mum, how do I get my socks white, mum what is this dial on the boiler (with photo) Mum is it a good idea to open an ISA. It's baffling. When I was their age I asked my parents nothing. A) I thought they were idiots B) I knew everything 🙂