Help for a 3 year old at nursery

[Sunsetswimming]

Is it reasonable to expect nursery staff to help a just turned 3 year old with the following:

• pulling their trousers down when they need the toilet (and back up again after)
• Changing from shoes to wellies and back again
• putting on and zipping up coat/ unzipping coat to help child take off coat independently
• changing top/ bottoms if drink spilled
• getting handsoap from dispenser (they can wash their own hands after that)

We’re currently working on these at home but don’t have them nailed just yet and they are still a work in progress. Some are definitely trickier for dc and will take more time than others

Yes 100%, nursery should be helping with all of those.

The children I've had from babies have learned to pull trousers up and down, removed coats and shoes before 2 and can put on both, put on trousers/pants before they are 3. Some could do zips but struggled doing up buttons. Wellies on no problem shoes on and off no problems before 3.

Yes they should help with those when needed, but I would expect a tiler trained child to be able to pull up and down their clothes by themselves most of the time, and for them to be in clothes and shoes that they can manage. The staff won’t have time in that age room to be attending to all children every time they go to the toilet or need to change shoes/put on coats. Imagine how much time it would take if there were 15 in the class for example.

If they have a qualified teacher then the ratio with be 13 children to 1 adult. Regardless of the ratio the children will have free access to toilets and will be expected to just take themsleves when needed so if he needs help he will need to ask an adult for help.

I would expect them to help some if needed, but my expectation would be that a 3 year old can do all of those except zip the coat up.

My DD is now 3 years 3 months but could definitely do that a long time ago. I do send in stretchy clothes (joggers or leggings) and Velcro trainers though else she wouldn’t be able to! She couldn’t zip her coat up last winter at 2.5 but could do the rest, I will be teaching her how to this year though it’s just she obviously hasn’t been wearing one much since!

Mine expect them to be able to pull up and down trousers for the toilet, change shoes, put on own coats, and get their own hand soap. They help with doing up clothes and would help with total outfit changes - although they’re currently doing an outfit change day twice a week to help some of them learn how to get dressed by themselves , as part of “school readiness”. Mine is 3.5.

They don’t have free access to the toilet

They will definitely help where they can but if there are 8-13 children per adult it won't be the same level of help as at home.

I would prioritise the pulling trousers up and down as there won't always be an adult in the toilet with them.

They will also need to do the soap themselves but remember it will be at child height.

There will more likely be an adult with them helping with coats and shoes.

Make life easy for your kid though - velcro shoes, joggers no buttons or flies.

My child is clearly behind. But is it reasonable to presume a nursery would expect some variation in development and support those who still need it?

If they're taking a whole group of children to the toilet at once, likely one adult will stand by the door and the child will go into the cubicle themselves.

They will help and encourage but the expectation will be that the children are working towards independence.

If they’re just turned 3 and you’re in England they will be going to school next year. This year at preschool will be about getting them ready for school. Yes they’ll support those who struggle but they just won’t have time to give one on one help for everything. Work on one thing at a time for your DC and get them doing some of this themselves.

Yes it’s reasonable to expect support for your child. It’s also reasonable that occasionally they won’t be able to immediately help him with what by age 3 are fairly uncommon things to need support with - they aren’t staffed to be able to be 1:1 for several minutes to take him to the toilet, do his clothes, wait for him to use the toilet, assist him with clothing again, help him wash his hands etc. It’s also reasonable for them to be pushing him to be independent and not always step in to do tasks that possible if he struggled for a minute he’d figure out for himself - my own child only learnt to pull his own pants and trousers up when I had my second and he just had to wait a minute if I was busy with a newborn. Suddenly he managed by himself.

Have you asked to speak to the senco or a manager about coming up with a plan for supporting him or if there’s strategies they can put it place?

Yes we are working on all these things and there has been great progress lately but as I said we’re not there yet. I’m hoping they will be understanding and supportive

Yes I would, but I would expect that help to look like support and encouragement to help them learn to do it themselves rather than completely doing it for them. Overall, most things you teach them work like this - as soon as you’re doing it every time I find the motivation to learn vanishes!

Do you think not being able to do those things at 3 (and one month) is indicative of SEN?

My DS 3 yrs and 3 wks can do some of these but not all. Definitely can’t dress himself would happily run round naked if we left him to it and he’s onto recently potty trained so is starting to do his own pants and trousers but it’s a work in progress. Nursery are helping with everything and encourage and teaching him to be able to do them on his own

That being said, I would expect them to be helpful and supportive if you’re both trying your best and if they’re not, I wouldn’t say that is ideal.

My DD decided she didn’t want to wear a nappy any more just after 2 on a bank holiday weekend. She was not completely without accidents by the Tuesday for a week or two and the nursery really did support and help her.

Don't stress but keep practising and make sure you aren't putting them in difficult clothes or shoes! No lace ups or skinny jeans.

Not necessarily, just that at the settings my kids attended the Senco was often the person who had ideas about ways to teach putting a coat on I hadn’t thought of or who knew the easiest shoes to put on or who coordinated talking to staff about particular needs, for whatever reason.

Not necessarily, just that at the settings my kids attended the Senco was often the person who had ideas about ways to teach putting a coat on I hadn’t thought of or who knew the easiest shoes to put on or who coordinated talking to staff about particular needs, for whatever reason.

Of course and I mostly agree this is the case. But there are some things they don’t have the motor skills for yet. Eg they don’t know right and left feet. They can’t feed a zip. Some soap dispensers require more strength to push down. I thought this would be fairly common at their age but it seems I’m wrong on that

Help zipping up.
Help changing to wellies if on the small size.

The rest I would expect the child to be able or nearly able to do.
Wearing clothes that are easy to pull up and down and take on and off is key.

The soap dispenser should be at their level.

They have to make reasonable adjustments for sen. Is this a possibility? You mentioned "being behind", which is a confusing term as it suggests a childcwill catch up, but sometimes they don't. Speak to nursery.

Thank you that’s really reassuring