Help for a 3 year old at nursery

[Sunsetswimming]

Is it reasonable to expect nursery staff to help a just turned 3 year old with the following:

• pulling their trousers down when they need the toilet (and back up again after)
• Changing from shoes to wellies and back again
• putting on and zipping up coat/ unzipping coat to help child take off coat independently
• changing top/ bottoms if drink spilled
• getting handsoap from dispenser (they can wash their own hands after that)

We’re currently working on these at home but don’t have them nailed just yet and they are still a work in progress. Some are definitely trickier for dc and will take more time than others

Mine went to school nursery, one at just turned 3 as summer born and they would be expected to do all of those independently except zip up the coat, would still be expected to put it on though and maybe they couldn’t change their top but honestly that doesn’t happen that often as they wear smocks for messy stuff.

Buy velcro shoes. Make sure they’re wearing jogging bottoms that aren’t too tight because they’re the easiest to get up and down. Look up the montessori method for the coat. Encourage them always to try themselves first before helping. They will get there. And if they’re going to a regular day nursery and not a school nursery they’ll likely be at a lower ratio so have extra hands to help.

We would support a young 3yo with all those things whilst helping them to learn to do it independently. It's part of the teaching so that they can do these things before they start school.

Wearing clothes that are easy to pull up and down and take on and off is key.
The soap dispenser should be at their level

Agree with this. Op I wouldn't put jeans on your DC or anything that is difficult for them to pull up.
But yes, I'd expect nursery to help if a DC couldn't. How are you aware they aren't helping. Have they said it to you?

I agree with people, it's not reasonable to completely refuse to help a child with any of these, but if he is needed help with ALL of these things EVERYTIME he needs the toilet that's quite a lot of help. Is he able to let you know he needs a wee before he is desperate? If he can say "I need a wee", then either wait until someone has just finished helping another child, or start the process, but may need a hand after, that should be fine. If he's going say he needs a wee now, and then require an adult to immediately drop what they are doing with other children to take him and stay with him throughout the process, he probably needs to be with younger children so that the ratios are higher, or not start nursery until he is a little more advanced.

It’s a new nursery. They sent a checklist of expectations and I’m concerned as my child can’t do all of them fully independently yet. I can’t see any reason why they wouldn’t acquire all those skills in time but I’m worried about how the nursery will respond to that

Thank you- that’s very reassuring

Yes I would expect a nursery to help support and encourage the child to do this and provide assistance where necessary. I am a primary teacher and there are plenty 6 year olds who can't zip up their own jacket.

Thanks that is good to know- feeling less stressed now!

Yes I would expect them to help if needed as long as you have been clear what they need help with still. My 3.5 can do her own trousers fine if she is in leggings or tracksuit bottoms so make sure you stick to easy pull stuff (however she will pretend she can’t!), she would need help getting the right feet for shoes and wellies but can otherwise do them but this is reasonably recently mastered, I’m actually not sure about getting a coat as it’s so long since she has worn one. She can definitely unzip one and can pull a zip up but pretty sure she can’t feed the zip in (Look at getting a zip buddy to make pulling the zip up easier), she can change her trousers and t-shirt although they might end up on back to front but struggles with a jumper or long sleeve top, soap she is fine with a carex type bottle but I have never tried her with a dispenser like in public toilets as she can’t reach easily so I do it.
DD is very average in skills I think so I don’t think your little one is behind at 3, I think at 3 DD would have needed help to change her clothes.
Just bear in mind depending on ratios he may have to wait (will probably encourage him to learn faster) longer than you would like. DD goes to a small pre school with quite a high ratio, a friends little one goes to a big nursery with just legal ratios and often has to wait if he needs help.

Is it by any chance a school nursery? The one attached our local school seems to have much bigger expectations of kids for independent skills than I think is sensible

How do they use the toilet then wait for someone to take them? Normally 3 year olds take themselves unless they ask for help first...our nursery has 40 children to 4 staff one of which is always outside.

pulling their trousers down when they need the toilet (and back up again after) - elasticated waist trouser with no buttons or zips will help

Changing from shoes to wellies and back again- slip on shoes

on and zipping up coat/ unzipping coat to help child take off coat independently - coat with Velcro will work or just getting your child to do the Velcro up rather than the zip. Have you seen the coat method where the child has the coat lay on the floor upside down and then crouch down out their arms in and flip it over their head?

changing top/ bottoms if drink spilled -
practice, practice. Practice

handsoap from dispenser (they can wash their own hands after that) - practice

stop worrying op the nursery will help and seeing others do the above will help

I’m really surprised by these responses - I would have thought most just turned 3 year olds would still need a bit of help with these sort of things!

I do also think they learn very quickly at this age, especially when they are in a scenario where they have to do it themselves and all their friends are doing it as well.

They can say they need the loo in advance but they are very shy around new people and might not to begin with. However, the children don’t have free access to the toilets but can go on request so I’m hoping they overcome their shyness quickly. They do struggle to pull trousers down enough and can then wee on their clothes but this is getting better. More time is needed.
I get what you’re saying about staffing but I think being with younger children or not in nursery at all will be detrimental to their development rather than helpful and it seems from the nursery and primary school teachers who’ve responded that they will likely be supportive of them and where they’re at

I’m so glad I’m not the only who thinks that! And you’re absolutely right- they do learn very quickly at this age. Thanks for making me feel better!

I work in a school nursery. At the new parents meeting in July we ask parents to work on all of the above skills during the summer with the expectation that most children should be able to do those tasks at the age of three that don’t have any additional needs.

Sadly a lot of children don’t have the fine and gross motor skills needed for such tasks because they simply don’t build the muscles needed in their hands due to being on phones/tablets/iPads for large amounts of time. No child under secondary school age needs one!

We have to spend a lot of time working on these skills by doing dough disco, tinkering tables etc. I’ve been a nursery nurse for 22 years and it’s become a huge problem over the last five years.

Don’t get me started on the speech and language delays or attention span deficits they’ve caused too 🤦‍♀️

They have to ask to go. This surprised me as not all children have the language skills at 3 though most do

You expect a 3 year old to independently zip up their coat?

For the right and left feet issue, have you tried this method?

https://lifehacker.com/help-kids-put-their-shoes-on-the-right-feet-with-the-st-1834777298

We used a sharpie on the insole to draw an picture and it helped my son enormously. He still didn’t know left from right but it meant he could put his shoes on!

I’d expect the soap dispensers to be easily operated by a preschooler in a nursery. If your child can’t do zips get them a coat with a Velcro “storm flap” so the zip isn’t essential.

I do agree with the zipping up coat one - many primary age kids struggle with that! They just don’t bother to zip it up and flap around with it though 🙈

Ah that’s great thank you!
I don’t know about their soap dispensers to be fair- I’m just going on what I see my child doing/ struggling with at home and in public loos

My DS just turned 3 and would need help with most of these.

For example he can take his shoes off (and put them away) and put on wellies. But he can't get his feet into his shoes by himself yet.

If you hold his coat he can put his arms in. And can unzip it and take it off. But he wouldn't be able to put the end of the zip in the zipper so would need help with that.

I honestly don't think he is behind at all. He's not really advanced either, but totally within the range of normal when compared with his peers and making steady progress in becoming more independent.

He's in a day nursery and no-one has ever raised it as an issue. He's starting a school nursery soon and it's not been raised as an issue on his settling days there either.

Thanks so much for this. I’m feeling very reassured

Once upon a time yes. But sadly due the reasons I stated, most children don’t have the development of the fine motor skills needed to be able to do this. It was never an issue years ago.

Don't forget that most things in public loos are NOT designed at 3 year olds height, nor are most normal house bathrooms. Nursery and reception-year 2 areas will almost certainly be designed with the kids' probably height in mind!