AIBU to think people are rude re party invitations

[Antsinmypantsneedtodance]

My DD asked for a birthday party this year. We did one a few years back and although the party was good the attendance was less than ideal. Out of 38 invited 13 rsvp'd and 3 of those didn't even turn up. Looking back the location maybe wasn't the best distance wise for people and the date clashed with a lot of holidays. 10 is fine but it did feel a bit empty and less fun than lots of other parties we've been to where there's more kids.

So this time I chose a location nearer her nursery, one others have used that has had good attendance at. I chose a date that wouldn't be peak holiday time, and a day and time other parties we've attended have had good attendance at.

Sent out 30 invitations. Deadline for rsvp's is approaching and so far only 11 have responded. 1 a no. Of the non responders 8 of those we've been to parties for in the last year. We always RSVP, take a nice gift, say thank you. We obviously don't go to parties to get people to attend ours in return. But it feels a bit rubbish when people can't even be bothered to respond.

Is it me or is this just rude of them?

I'm pretty sure it's not my DD. She seems liked at nursery from what is fed back to us and when I pick up or drop off all the other children are excited to see her or want to hug her goodbye or wave and shout. But maybe that's just show and people secretly hate us or her?

I think it is so rude not to RSVP.

My experience of kids parties is people wait until the last minute (often to see if other things come up before sadly), it is rude and makes party planning stressful. For my sons party we had 30 out of 35 say they were coming whereas a party a month later had half that and there was no real reason as I can’t say my son is any more popular than the other child

When my kids were small, cultivating friendships was important for parents. We also helped each other out with lifts etc. When did this change and why?
So many lonely people with no network these days ….

A few people ignoring it is rude. The majority ignoring it is the new social norm.

Yes it's rude, but sadly a lot of people do it!

Sorry but when you invite 30+ people to a party for a nursary child that couldn’t care less it smacks of desperation and attention seeking. People won’t RSVP for that reason and simply because they feel you’ve invited so many you wouldn’t notice they didn’t respond.
Much better to have a limited number say 10 actual friends who actually want to be there and inform everyone up front how many there are and who is coming. You are much less likely to get as many drop outs and everyone will at least RSVP if they can’t come.

Yes it is rude but can people please stop inviting the whole world to birthday parties, it just adds something else for a parent to deal with, there is no need to invite random kids your child has probably never played with and it is not a wedding so ehy nearly 40 people?

Quality not quantity may be more effective

Did the invitations definitely get handed out? Did they go into kids bags at nursery? Perhaps the parents aren't aware there is an invitation is hiding in the bag. We had that and asked the nursery to gently remind other parents at pick up - this happened to us and we had no idea an invitation had been shoved in a concealed pocket within our kids bag.

Birthday parties can be pretty full on between the ages of 3 to 7. If everyone insists on whole class parties you end up with one almost every weekend. It's too much, especially if you have more than one child. Imagine having a 4 yr old and 6 yr old who have 30 in each class,that could 60 parties in a year! It stops being fun very quickly. But yes it is rude not to just politely decline, however I can also see how the invite gets lost or forgotten about especially when it's not a close friend. Honestly moving forward I would stick to a smaller group. At nursery age , the numbers turning up will have no bearing on how popular she is. It's down to logistics and parents desire.

wow there are some weird comments on here. Guarantee the people moaning about inviting the whole class would also be the ones moaning about their precious DC NOT being invited if you only invited half.

Not to mention if in nursery the DC is 3 at most - how do you work out their 'special friends' at that age? In my experience the child they talk about one day a) has a completely different name to the version they're calling them b) is forgotten tomorrow.

It's more effort to go through a class list and try and pick out the names you vaguely remember them saying than just inviting everyone. Not to mention lots of teachers refuse to hand out invites only to certain kids, because it upsets others - so how do you inform the selected few of the party anyway? you can't trust a 3 year old to hand invites out and demand rsvps?

People moaning about it being 'yet another thing to sort.' It takes 2 seconds! check calendar, if nothing else on that day text back 'yes please/(or sorry we're busy that day but hope you have a lovely party!) thanks Amy (Ollie's mum)', stick it on the calendar, take a photo of the invite to remember details just in case. It's 2025, most people have phone calendars so you don't even have to go home and check. Guarantee everyone moaning about 'how long' it takes has spent more than those 2 minutes every day playing candy crush/on insta/tiktok etc.

It is rude.

but it is also very common.

some invites get lost, some parents don’t know you or your child, particularly if it’s a no it does just stop off the to do list.

i have an August birthday and August parties are always badly attended.

So if she is still in nursery and you held a party a few years ago it was her 1st birthday? It's not surprising it was quiet. Under 3s aren't going to have a clue a party is on, it's not really worth the effort unless it's for close friends or family.

Not responding rude but it seems to be the new norm.

Though nursery parties also seems to be a newer thing as well as when mine where little it was reception when the parties started as the children where more likely
to know each other as they spent mon-fro together rather than maybe sharing only a Wednesday for half a day.

Could it be that some of the children only attend nursery term time only, therefore haven't been there to receive the invite? But yeah, parties are a nightmare and I'm glad DS now prefers an activity with a select few friends.

No way do I expect my child to be invited to all parties, they go to the ones they invited too and the rest dont come into a second thought once we decline to the host

It seems only on mn there seems existential angst over kids parties and that is just from the parent

30 people at a summer holiday nursery age party is a big ask.

Though they should reply.

A whole class party is not the way to do this. I’ve never understood the point of hiring a massive venue for a kid’s party unless you are doing a big family event. No child has 30 friends they want to celebrate their birthday with. I never went to these. And having to deal with the invites was just a whole other level of admin I had to remember to do. Some rando puts an invite in my child’s bag or whatever, I don’t know the child, nor the parent, but I’m the one who is rude if I don’t reach out and decline the invitation? At one point our daughter was coming back with one or two of these in a week, it was ridiculous.

If you’d like my child to come to your child’s party, come and talk to me. If you’d don’t know me, then you don’t know her, and your child probably doesn’t spend any time with her either. Your invite is on the same level as spam emails, sending out a mass mailing in the hope you have good numbers at your party. It isn’t my responsibility to respond to you.

YANBU. People are appalling at RSVPing at our school. I include a deadline date, and I do individually catch in person/Watsapp each parent to chase after that deadline as I want an answer either way for final numbers. Some are apologetic about their poor manners, some are oblivious. I am sick of it.

Not at all. If my daughter wasn’t invited to a party, it’s because it wasn’t one of her friends having a party.

The staff in the room will tell you who your child is friends with.

Do you have a class WhatsApp group to stick it in there? For the whole class invites it’s easier to manage and less prone to the message getting lost.

don't be so ridiculous. What happens that you have such a ridiculous chip on your shoulder?

It is rude full stop not to reply.

Do you think the OP sent the guest list with the invitation, so people actually know how many and who is coming? 😂

inform everyone up front how many there are and who is coming
who does that? 😂
😂

Guarantee the people moaning about inviting the whole class would also be the ones moaning about their precious DC NOT being invited if you only invited half.

absolutely this

It takes 2 seconds to check

No it doesn’t. You’ve just come home from nursery, you’re going through the bag to see if anything needs cleaned, you toddler is hyper, they need a snack or the toilet or a nappy change. The invite sits on the table. Then you see it when you are making dinner, but your other child(ren) also need help with their homework. You get them fed and are doing the dishes, you see it again, but it’s nearly bedtime, the toddler needs a bath, the older ones are telling you about their day/having a fight/reminding you it’s world book day tomorrow and they want to dress up. You get all that sorted, kids in bed and finally sit down with a cuppa. Then you remember the invite. If you have the energy, you get back up, find the invite, try and remember where you put your phone, you find it then spend some time crafting a message that doesn’t reflect your annoyance, you send it, but they haven’t responded. Did they get it? Have you used the right number? Do they know you RSVPd? And you’re doing this once a week, per child.

Stop pretending adding “one tiny bit” of admin to parents isn’t a problem.

When my daughter gets an invite to Quentin’s party and she has no idea who Quentin is, I know it’s a spam invite.

Everyone. It’s called a class WhatsApp group.