What do i do now

[Isthisover88]

Pretty sure my marriage of 20 years has just come tumbling down. Not really a surprise as we've been in a rocky place for a while but its all come to a head last night

Basically DH has been moaning for a while, constantly that everything i do is wrong. In his opinion wrong. Examples include (not not limited to)
The bathroom gets too wet when I shower, despite the fact I then go round and more up any water afterwards (that's not good enough I obviously don't show right in the first place)

I don't tell youngest dc (4) off enough - I do tell him off I just don't believe in shouting in his face to do it

I don't have sex with him often enough - we probably average 2-3 times a week, i'm peri menopausal and we both work full time, he'd have it 7 days a week if he could

I work too much - both have full time jobs and I wfh 3 days, 9-5 tho some flexibility on my hours for school runs and stuff however have a dedicated office space. He finishes at 1pm and gets home about 2, I should come and bring the laptop out and sit with when he finishes to spend time with him

I don't do enough around the house. Apparently my wfh days should be used to catch up on housework. I also don't hoover, but he moans about how I hoover not being up to his standards so I now refuse to

I've started running again as my fitness is struggling with the peri-menopause with thr aim of maybe doing a half marathon later in the year. While it's perfectly acceptable for him to go to football every Saturday and various other activities on a sunday etc, me taking an hour out here and there (usually when the kids are asleep or before they wake up as we have a treadmill) is sacrificing family time - ie time with him

Last night I was called the C word and shouted at as I was trying to work through with him the whole shower situation to try and appease him and because I wasn't listening well enough he flipped out

Off he goes then , what a knob .

He sounds utterly awful. Screaming and shouting and calling you awful names.
I would let him move out and forge a new peaceful life for yourself. This is no way to live at all.

Leaving aside his behaviour towards you, he is abusive towards your small DC.
Put your DC first and get rid of this vile man. If you don’t, you are tolerating the appalling treatment of your Dc.

Leaving aside his behaviour towards you, he is abusive towards your small DC.
Put your DC first and get rid of this vile man. If you don’t, you are tolerating the appalling treatment of your Dc.

Ask him what he's waiting for. The sooner he moves out the better!

Oh, OP, you will never be able to change enough for him. Even if you greet him at the door every single day in a French Maid outfit begging for sex, you clean the house top to bottom all the time and you only work when he's out of the house - he will find another stick to beat you with.

Let him go and enjoy the peace.

@Isthisover88 oh PLEASE let him move out!!!! he sounds horrendous. your name should really be "isitoveryet88"

When you WFH you've to spend the time both doing housework AND sitting with him because he's finished?

He's totally unreasonable - on all of it.

I don't understand why this kind of behaviour in men seems to be increasing where they just resent anything and everything a woman does that's not centred around him, what he wants, what he says, and when he says it.

OP lighten your load and get rid of him, he's dragging you down and it won't improve.

Let him move out. Actually no - tell him to move it. Make it your decision. Tell him to fuck off, get out and he can think about seeing the kids when he's prepared to talk to them in a reasonable manner.

Good, glad he’s offering to move out, it’ll save you chucking him out! What an arsehole of a man.

Hes abusive OP and you need to get out asap with your DC. Get advice from a domestic abuse helpline to do it the safest way. Don’t wait for him to declare he’s unhappy and is leaving. You’re unhappy and can take charge of what you do about it.

He sounds insufferable. Kick him out because what he's doing is verging on abuse. It doesn't sounds like he adds anything to your life or the kids lives.

Have taken the kids to a soft play centre while I try and get some stuff sorted

Trying to work out how feasible it is to go on my own. Would love to buy him out the house but that's not going to be possible so now writing down by expense against what I can afford etc

Left him sulking and grumpy at home. Feels good to be out

Great, problem solved. Usually these kinds of men refuse to leave. He is making it very easy. Btw there’s only one cunt in the relationship and it isn’t you.

Good planning. You can put his earning into the CM website, don’t forget single person discount on council tax, any impact on child maintance and potentially universail credit.

Let him leave, he is the C.
You will be much happier, OP.
Call a solicitor tomorrow, he's done you a favour. 💐

I'm sitting here realising what a mug I have been over thr last few years

He keeps going on about how much better off he would be without me and how he could do so much better than me

This summer holidays he has done nothing to help with childcare (youngest still in full time nursery but oldest is going into year 4) so I've had to juggle working from home and sorting childcare for my office days while hes been home at 2 most days and I've still picked the eldest up on those days

He has also had holidays to Spain, Ireland and up north with his mates while I've juggled everything and is away all next weekend as well.

I never moan about him being away. But me going for a run is a disaster as i'm sacrificing precious time together

I’d let him move out. I bet you feel relieved when he’s gone and that will say it all.

He keeps going on about how much better off he would be without me and how he could do so much better than me

His accusations are admissions - you would be so much better without him and you can do so much better than him.

I never moan about him being away. But me going for a run is a disaster as i'm sacrificing precious time together

The irony!

You haven't been a mug @Isthisover88 , you've been under his 'spell'. The fog is starting to clear for you, the only way is up now. It won't be all plain sailing but you'll get there and we're here for the lows and the highs that will come again

You shower wrong, you don't verbally abuse your 4 year old, you do your job instead of sitting with him like a pet, you work too much, you don't have sex every night, you don't clean when you're supposed to be working, you work on a fitness goal instead of being glued to his side.

He doesn't want a wife, he wants a sticky toy/pet/cleaner/sex doll who works invisibly and brings home money. You know he would bitch if you weren't working.

His demands are so unreasonable and unrealistic I think he's just looking for any reason to put you down so he can leave while playing the victim. He dislikes you, he criticizes you even to how you shower, is contemptuous of you and abusive to at least your 4 year old, so your marriage is done.

Next time he's at work, get copies of financials. Tell him it's obvious his needs are not reasonable and he'd best get stepping to find his new workerdronebangmaid who will raise his kids on his time. And buy him a plushie so he has someone to be at his side 24/7.

He is needy, selfish, abusive, demanding, controlling and stupid. He’s stupid because he can’t grasp that his rotten behaviour is going to make you leave him!

I would never forgive my husband or anyone that called me a cunt and I don’t know of any woman who has an ounce of self respect who would!

He needs putting in the bin asap.

Next summer you will be in a much better situation.

The fact he called you what he did is enough, but then the ‘his standard’ bollocks I’d be running to the solicitors and knee sliding into their office first thing tomorrow to see how to start divorce proceedings!

He sounds awful in so many ways, you will be so much happier and better off without him. Good luck OP, I hope you find a solicitor who well and truly kicks his arse!

That's excellent. Don't change. Embrace who you are. You sound great.

That's fantastic news. Help him pack.