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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was an offer of a loan NOT a gift

32 replies

limescale · 24/08/2025 16:26

If someone said "I would be happy to send you a permanently interest-free lump sum" would you regard it as an offer of a loan not a gift?

The reference to interest-free surely indicates a loan. Or have I missed something? I do not have a great deal of experience with loans (or financial gifts for that matter!).

OP posts:
Wowzel · 24/08/2025 16:27

It's a bit ambiguous tbh

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 24/08/2025 16:27

Definitely a loan.

Marianwallace · 24/08/2025 16:28

A loan.

Pepperpie14 · 24/08/2025 16:28

I think it’s the use of “lump-sum” that’s confusing matters here. Lump-sums aren’t a common term to use when talking about a loan as they are more closely related to pay outs and winnings.

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 24/08/2025 16:28

You don't give someone a gift and then charge them interest.

Otherwise fuck Christmas.

I'll be giving it a miss 😳😁

ShodAndShadySenators · 24/08/2025 16:28

I'd think loan, but I'd expect them to clarify. And if they didn't I would question it until I was sure.

Zanatdy · 24/08/2025 16:28

I’d say a loan with no interest added. Ask what length of time you could repay it over and their answer will tell you if it’s a loan or a gift.

WasherWoman25 · 24/08/2025 16:29

It could be taken either way. Permanently could mean, they keep the money permanently. I think with any financial agreement you need to be absolutely concrete on the terms as it breeds resentment if not.

GRex · 24/08/2025 16:29

I think if you do not know the person or the institution well enough to ask and to review contract terms if required, that you should run a mile before going into debt to them.

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 24/08/2025 16:30

Loan. Otherwise they would have said " I will give/gift you this".
Or, just ask them which it is. To be clear. Avoid any future awkwardness.

Sirzy · 24/08/2025 16:31

A loan yes but one with no pressure or rush to repay. So a very flexible take on the idea of a loan

Original poster
limescale · 24/08/2025 16:34

Thanks for super quick answers!

I already sent it back.
Convo went (a few days ago)
me: I've been made redundant
her: I would be happy to send you a permanently interest-free lump sum
me (assuming loan): [effusive thanks] I hope not to need to borrow money but reassuring etc

(today)
Big lump in my account and email saying she's sent it (no mention of loan/gift, repayment or anything).

Me: errr, I think you misunderstood. I've sent it back.

If she sends it straight back it'll probably alert the money laundering team.

This is family - the generation above me.

OP posts:
Original poster
limescale · 24/08/2025 16:35

GRex · 24/08/2025 16:29

I think if you do not know the person or the institution well enough to ask and to review contract terms if required, that you should run a mile before going into debt to them.

Oh I know them very well and have already contacted them, and sent the £ back.

OP posts:
hangerup · 24/08/2025 16:45

I would reply, is that a gift or a loan as I would
want clarification.

DiscoBob · 24/08/2025 17:00

It depends on the context. If it was a response to 'can you lend me some money?' Then yes. But if not then wording is ambiguous. 'I'm willing to send you...' isn't necessarily saying lend or borrow. It's true interest free would apply to a loan but if the word 'lend' isn't used anywhere in the conversation then it's more a grey area.

Original poster
limescale · 24/08/2025 17:10

DiscoBob · 24/08/2025 17:00

It depends on the context. If it was a response to 'can you lend me some money?' Then yes. But if not then wording is ambiguous. 'I'm willing to send you...' isn't necessarily saying lend or borrow. It's true interest free would apply to a loan but if the word 'lend' isn't used anywhere in the conversation then it's more a grey area.

No, it was not in response to me asking for a loan. It would be quite clear in that case I think.

Her first email uses 'send' and 'help you out' (and the interest-free part), no mention of loan.

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 24/08/2025 17:15

Ask the person a direct question, gift or loan, as it's unclear 👍

GameWheelsAlarm · 24/08/2025 17:15

"Permanently interest free" implies a "loan" with no actual expectation of repayment, unless repayment terms are agreed and specified. I would use this wording for something which I wanted to be treated as "technically" a loan eg if a parent is going to "loan" £50,000 to child A, and then leaves their estate to be divided equally between child A and child B in their will, the fact that the £50,000 was a loan can be more easily reconciled with the division of the estate and child B doesn't get disadvantaged.

Original poster
limescale · 24/08/2025 17:21

She has confirmed it was a gift.
It's quite large, it would be subject to inheritance tax should she die in the next 7 years (she's mid 80s). Shall I raise that with her, or none of my business?
I sent it back anyway (I kind of panicked at the thought of a debt).

Gaaaa I hate money stuff.

OP posts:
AnotherDayAnotherDog · 24/08/2025 17:24

Your relative has been very generous but confusing and possibly confused.

everardshutthatdoor · 24/08/2025 17:33

Unless there was a backstory I would accept the gift at face value now and worry about the inheritance tax later. If your relative has substantial funds she may well leave enough to cover the IT, when and if it arises.

myplace · 24/08/2025 17:37

See, I don’t think you were clear that you considered it a kind offer and you'd let her know if it was needed. Your effusive thanks make her think you accepted.

Will she be offended you sent it back?

Will she have intended it in lieu of inheritance?

I’d suggest a relaxed conversation of at all possible.

Original poster
limescale · 24/08/2025 17:48

myplace · 24/08/2025 17:37

See, I don’t think you were clear that you considered it a kind offer and you'd let her know if it was needed. Your effusive thanks make her think you accepted.

Will she be offended you sent it back?

Will she have intended it in lieu of inheritance?

I’d suggest a relaxed conversation of at all possible.

I did tell her exactly that in fact - that my rambling email and effusive thanks may have been misunderstood. I finished the email with a clear "I do not need it now and will let you know".

As it was given in response to my redundancy - if I get a job before I would need to dip into her gift (my absolute intention) then I wonder would she expect it back? I'd kind of feel like that would be the right thing to do.

You're right, a proper conversation over coffee is needed, I had no idea she would send this big lump right away.

OP posts:
Original poster
limescale · 24/08/2025 17:50

Thanks all. I wanted opinions on whether I'd misunderstood.
Saying more gets into family dynamics, history, personal situations etc so I'll leave it here.

She has been very generous.

OP posts:
Littledogball · 24/08/2025 17:57

You wouldn’t be talking about interest as a gift so it’s obviously a loan