AIBU to invade England and claim the throne?

[GuillameDucdeNormandie]

I’ve been a lurker for a while and hoping I can benefit from your wise advice.

I’ve been Duke of Normandy for a while now but like any early medieval noble, I’m keen to progress. I’ve had my eye on the English crown for while now. I’m distantly related to Edward the Confessor and he’s got no heir, so it seemed like a perfect fit, yeah?

Anyway, I dropped lucky 10 or so years ago when Edward agreed to back me as his heir. His brother in law, Harold, also swore allegiance to my claim.

Roll forward and Edward has just died; imagine my shock to hear Harold has claimed the throne, the duplicitous shit!

So, in these circumstances, AIBU to launch a full scale invasion of England? Or should I just suck it up?

Ooh I quite fancy a bit of celibacy, do some sewing instead. I have a Textiles GCSE grade A but I'm a bit rusty. I reckon I could do a nice line in arrows and penises though with a bit of practice and some solitude.
Sorry Will, do the invading first. I'll get some folk to distract Harold round the back...

Well I wouldn't trust anyone called Harold. Before you know it he'll be shortening his name to Harry and spilling all your family secrets.

Are you sure you want the throne? Doesn't look very comfy.

Your Viking family and hangers-on come over here and steal our land and corrupt our delightful language. Mostly your great-great-great grandad wanker named after a frustrum-shaped chocolate sweet but whose parents couldn’t spell. Pathetic.

And now you want a piece of the action over the water? I hope the weirdos over there give you a right spanking.

LTB

Don't forget to pack your own castle, they haven't been invented here yet!

The endeavour will be its own reward.

Where are you sailing from? Far too many places in Normandy would like to have that honour.
Leave the Welsh alone

Sounds like my love life.

Priceless 😂😂

Honestly, I don't think it would be worth your while.

Yeah, but is it really worth invading? The nobels are so secretive no idea what’s where. You may need to do some sort of survey to see who owns what and where.

No, fuck off Donald; we know it's you.
Go invade Canada.

A reverse, surely?

Oh where is the laughing emoji when you need it - such a funny thread ( said she who studied Anglo Saxon at University many decades ago. ) 😂and 👏one and all. 💐

I think it is a credit to our nation that in these modern times we don't have a spread-eagling emoticon. Oh - that was the Vikings isn't it - or indeed not according to some historians.

Tell your descendants not to invade Ireland. It caused all sorts of trouble.

I know you hate being, 'William the bastard', do you think invading another country would give you a different title?

Honestly, it seems like a bit of an unfair fight with those stirrups. I'm sure the International Criminal Court will have something to say.

🤣🤣

I am slightly moved to tears that we all remember our history lessons so well! Personally I always thought it deeply unfair that after defeating one set of invaders oop north and having to do a forced march south, Harold and his army had to try to do it all over again. THE FRENCH NEVER PLAY FAIR!

More bloody foreigners coming over the Channel in small boats and turning the country into an island of strangers. Expecting us to abide by their laws, eat their food, refusing to integrate with the locals and taking over all the local businesses - and all the while speaking "forrin."

How dare they mess with our tradition of strange women lying in ponds distributing swords as a basis for a system of government!

I didnt learn any of this from history lessons, I love history and informally studied it as an adult

“Cept the Normans were never french in the first place , they spoke it but were actually Viking invaders / settlers - i learnt that from my Asterix books .

I stand corrected and I should have remembered the Asterix canon! Mind you,, t the Vikings didn't play particularly fair either (all that raiding and pillaging) . . .

Older people usually had to do 1066 and all that in school!