AIBU to invade England and claim the throne?

[GuillameDucdeNormandie]

I’ve been a lurker for a while and hoping I can benefit from your wise advice.

I’ve been Duke of Normandy for a while now but like any early medieval noble, I’m keen to progress. I’ve had my eye on the English crown for while now. I’m distantly related to Edward the Confessor and he’s got no heir, so it seemed like a perfect fit, yeah?

Anyway, I dropped lucky 10 or so years ago when Edward agreed to back me as his heir. His brother in law, Harold, also swore allegiance to my claim.

Roll forward and Edward has just died; imagine my shock to hear Harold has claimed the throne, the duplicitous shit!

So, in these circumstances, AIBU to launch a full scale invasion of England? Or should I just suck it up?

If you do decide to invade and you win, you may want to think about your diet a bit as King. Getting so grotesquely fat you explode out of your own coffin is never a good look.

But it does have an attractively efficient taxation system and excellent records that promise a substantial income to whoever is lucky enough to come out on top! That's the prize here!

Come on! Nobody is going to want to look at a super long tapestry about a battle!

I've got a field just outside Hastings I could let you borrow if it comes to a fight.

Any thoughts as to what exactly you would be getting if you did manage to become King ?
I mean, maybe you need a complete record of the Kingdom ?
You would need a really big Book to keep all the information in

Is Harold the poster who writes about his other neighbours being Vikings? If so, YANBU. Get in there while he is distracted.

I’ve heard the Brits aren’t very good at languages so some picture depictions of history maybe required

I’ve heard the Brits aren’t very good at languages so some picture depictions of history maybe required

Go for it! You have everything to win and nothing to lose! Also make sure you have some compliant women to record it all. Don't bother with Facebook. Easily deleted. Maybe try a nice long embroidery?
Edited because other people have come up with the v idea first. Shows what a good one it is though!

Dont forget to bring your birth certificate over showing who you father is. Otherwise the English might call you William the Bastard for the rest of your life.

I am sure you would rather they called you “the conquerer” instead , so maybe try and influence any —propaganda— story books , especially ones with a tiny ladybird on the front cover.

It’s a free for all out there atm……go for it.

Just be careful when you land on the south coast, its quite slippy and you may fall over and look like an idiot.

Perhaps have a clever retort or something ready about easily grabbing the land.

Bear in mind it’s school holidays and the ferrys and chunnel might be busy. Best book early.

Oh another thing! I don't want to teach Granny to suck eggs and all that but I have seen those Saxons fight before! In my opinion , they are a disorganised rabble!

Maybe have a few tricks up your sleeve to exploit that ?

LTB Launch The Boats

Or leave it till October? I have heard Halley’s comet might appear then, it might be a good omen for your men ?

Make sure your Latin is up to scratch, if you are successful you will need it for your coronation.

Careful with those arrows, you'll have someone's eye out!

😄

If you're coming over in smallish boats, mind you don't all just get marched into a detention welcome centre.

I wouldn’t mate, England is a bit of a shithole.

I'd see how that Hardrada bloke does first, TBH.

🤣

How do you feel about celibacy though?

Now listen here William the Bastard, and I know you'll be wanting to nail my ears to a door for this, you're not welcome. You're just going to destroy the north of England leaving it a wasteland in some areas.

And your over ambitious plan to record everything in a doomsday book, we all know you'll get bored and the details in the first part will not be replicated across the whole thing rendering some of it useless