Who is more in the wrong? DS or DD

[ML5]

DS24 & DD21 generally get on however past 4 weeks there’s been a big debate between them both to the point where DH & me had to step in. Basically each have been accusing the other of being rude & disrespectful towards each other, shouting between them both, nasty text messages & DD threatening to block DD as well on all social media. We have spoken to DD & to DD today and both have agreed to move on even though they have agreed to disagree. DH thinks DS was more in the wrong as he has been winding up DD21 and retaliating against her when she’s had enough & also said to her he don’t want to speak to her ever again but I think DD was more in the wrong as she’s been more rude & disrespectful & getting in his way more and sent DS nasty text messages saying she’s going to go No Contact with him in the future 😩😩😩
Prepared for a mix of opinions here (both pay rent before anyone asks) but was just wondering who was being more unreasonable between both of them.

My goodness - do they need you to chop up their dinners and remind them to make their beds?! How would they behave (or cope) in a house share?

I think regardless of who started it, it’s not healthy for them to have this approach towards conflict.

As my gran used to say 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

Doesn't really matter who started it or who was most unreasonable. They've been sending each other nasty messages when they live in the same house! Let them both block each other then at least they'll have to squabble face-to-face. You and your DH should step right back, don't pass messages for them and don't get drawn into who is most to blame. Utterly ridiculous of them both.

They need to start living away from home.

Sounds similar to me and db before he went to uni and I moved out. Constantly sniping, being horrible to eachother. We had outgrown being at home and were both well and truly ready to just get out and on with it. 14/15 years later and we're a lot closer than we were growing up.
So have heart it may improve over time.

What??

This is how the whole thing started

It makes no sense, op.

They both need to grow the fuck up. They sound like complete losers.

If they want to argue and make the atmosphere at home awful then tell them to pack their bags and leave.

If they want to still live at home then tell them they need to start behaving like adults.

Yes which is exactly what me and DH have said and we still don’t get why it escalated with such animosity between them both to the point where we had to intervene

How can we possibly decide - you haven’t said what they did or what they were arguing about. And why are you and dh trying to decide who is most at fault? Is this post written by ds or dd?

Seriously? How old are you. Why are you picking sides? Let them bicker it out between themselves.

I did say what they were arguing about which started with my DS having to give away his car which then resulted in DS being frustrated & DD being rude & vice versa.

I would just laugh if one of my kids threatened to go no contact with the other, when they live in the same house.

In fact, I do. When my 6yo tells me he will never ever speak to his 4yo brother ever again. (OK, I don't really laugh - but at least it's an age appropriate threat from a 6yo.)

Bit hard to go no contact and block each other if they both live in the same house 🤣

In case it helps, I tell my two to ignore the other and walk away if they are winding each other up. Yes, it's not nice that he's being rude to you but it doesn't help to be rude back, so just give him some space.

(I do have a teenager as well, but only one, so he doesn't have anyone to argue with or wind up)

So basically… your DD is trying to wfh and your DS is at home frustrated and bored. He’s making it difficult for her to work in peace and they’ve argued?! Does he have a job? Can she work in a room where he cannot go in whilst she’s working? Can he car share with you whilst your at work?

No one can say which of your children was in the wrong because no one has a bloody clue what’s happened because your posts are so unclear!!

I am saying how this all started

Thry need to grow up, and behave or find somewhere else to live.

Very confused but sounds like they need some space from each other. DS was stressed about car. Stressed out DD who was working. She prob said something nasty and then it escalated. Sounds like small kids! I’d let them stew for a bit and it’ll work it out. Maybe they should just block each other for a bit?

They're adults. Let them be adults and learn how to navigate conflict themselves. I don't think you're doing them any favours getting involved.

Who cares who started it or who was more in the wrong. It all sounds needlessly dramatic. I’d tell them they need to start acting like adults and treat each other respectfully or move out.

From what I can tell from her posts:
OP’s son has form for tormenting (“winding up”) his sister. She then lashes out in response.
Her son is being a nasty shit to his sister because he’s mad that he had to get rid of his car.
His sister got fed up and called him out on it because she is trying to work and doesn’t need him taking things out on her.
This escalated to them fighting and sending nasty messages to each other.

The reason OP’s posts are so unclear is because she’s trying to minimise her son’s behaviour and blame it on her daughter.

So you don't understand their argument yourself but you are expecting a bunch of internet strangers to be able to decide who is more at fault?