'Tomboys' in 2025

[sunshine244]

When I was a child I was very much a Tomboy type of girl. Always in trousers, playing outdoors, not interested in makeup or fashion etc. I've not really changed much now I'm in my 40s although I do occasionally like to dress up for weddings etc. I still think of myself as a woman 100%.

I was chatting to a much younger woman recently who identifies as non binary. She said that she realised she was non binary for exactly the same things. That she felt her taste in clothes, interests etc means she doesn't feel feminine.

I found it really interesting, and I wondered if its a generational thing. Does the concept of tomboy still exist? Does having a non binary option mean that gender roles have actually become more stereotyped for men and women? This isn't in any way an anti non-binary thought- I'm just curious whether younger people view gender stereotypes differently. I don't mind at all how people choose to define themselves but I wonder if thr concept of a tomboy is dying out?

Young people are completely obsessed with labels and sadly too many have parents boarded the trans train and told them that if they didn’t subscribe to a total gender stereotype then they must be “different” - so different in fact that it needs a special label that’s part of a special group.

I was VERY much a tomboy (almost 40 now) as a child. Having 2 older brothers close in age that I adored made me want to have short hair, wear boys clothes and like “boy” things like football and wrestling. Nothing pink and no Dollie’s ever crossed the threshold of my house.

It TERRIFIES me to think that, in another age with another type of parent, I’d have been told I was in fact a boy, and that a certain type of parent would take me to the doctor for life altering medication. Utterly terrifying.

People need to be told that gender is just a synonym for personality, and that non binary is just an abstract concept and another of saying “Doesn’t fit perfectly to stereotypes”. Surely we are ALL non binary - I’ve never met a girl/women who wasn’t a little bit boyish/masculine in their tastes and never met a boy/man who is completely blokey.

The labels are dangerous and they tell people they are special when they’re just normal. I feel sorry for these young people who’ve been sold a lie en masse and I look forward to the day of class action lawsuits against the absolute scum who have peddled this nonsense to them.

Couldn’t agree more. Stereotypical Tom boy and still am at 47 love the odd dressing up day for a special occasion, a pretty dress and a nice spa day every so often.

Pretty sure nobody realised I was female until I was 16 and grew a pair of boobs.
hate to think what would happen to me today.

always joke with the parents they were clearly trend setters bringing up a non binary child before that was even a thing.

And yes, I change tyres and do all the diy around the house as the bloke is useless, although he’s brilliant at Ironing 😁

It’s really worrying.

I was a “tomboy” and am very much a woman, and at times a reasonable “feminine” one some days but I still have a lot of less female heavy interests.

its sad but I’m actually a bit relieved that my daughter isn’t like I was - that she’s into Barbie and dancing and unicorns (as well as being outside, Lego etc) as I would have really worried that she would be pushed / brainwashed (not by me!!!) into thinking she wasn’t a girl if she didn’t like these “girly” things. I wish I could transport her back to the 1980s when kids could just be kids

Ugh, the whole non-binary thing is infuriating. There have been tomboys forever. This fad of needing a special label for normal behaviours is really worrying, not conforming to stereotypes does not mean you’re not female.

You can have a vagina and uterus, wear dungarees and have short hair, and still be a woman. I honestly despair of the current younger generations.

If I was at school now, I’m sure that somebody would have pushed gender labels onto me.

I have a daughter who in my childhood would have been described as a tomboy but now she’s just a girl (who likes the same things tomboys did when I was younger) and my other daughter is also just a girl (who likes make up and nail varnish etc). Perhaps it’s to come or maybe now tomboys come under the category or girl and non binary is slightly more nuanced.

100% agree OP! Genuinely believe that many who identify as non-binary are actually what we would think of as ‘tomboy’ - labels aside - what really worried me is that girls and women who would have previously just thought ‘I’m a bit of a tomboy’ are now being encouraged and in some instances pressured into questioning their gender and to change gender. The ‘over-labelling’ and ‘gender-fluidity’ concept I think actually narrows the idea that a woman can be whatever she wants including heterosexual, climbing trees, skateboarding etc - why should you be male, trans, gender fluid etc. and adopt a different persona to enjoy other things. Gender vs. Sexuality get mixed up. The term ‘tomboy’ allows a girl and woman to be whatever she wants to be without comment on her sexuality

It's got a lot more binary which is such a shame. It is damaging to make people feel like they are wrong if they don't fit into narrow gender definitions. If boys are not "masculine" enough and girls not "girly" enough they are made to feel like they don't belong in that category.
Toys and clothes didn't used to be colour coded according to gender, I presume that is down to capitalism.
Hopefully the tide will turn and the boundaries will be blurred again and less binary

I was discussing this with my 14yo earlier. Apparently Tomboy is just a clothing style now.... NB is rejecting being a girl. But we agreed that is pretty much the same thing.

I was very much a 'tomboy' growing up in the '80s...well, as much as my very old fashioned mother would allow me to be.
Mother wanted 'young ladies' as daughters, but I wanted short hair, rough and tumble play, football and just to play with boys (none of which she allowed, so I was a pretty unhappy, frustrated child).
Hated my developing body and, as an adult would still prefer not to have wide hips, large breasts and a big butt.
However, I have and always shall be a female and happily(ish) so. There are times I've really enjoyed wearing skirts, dresses and grown my hair longer.
I definitely wouldn't feel that any phase in my life has been indicative of a NB experience.
That is not to say I dismiss the validity of anyone identifying as non-binary - à chaçun son destin - but it's definitely not me.
It'll be interesting to see how my 7.5 year old twins develop as they get older, as both are also what we would have called 'tomboys' in the '80s.

Same here!

I was born in the 1960s so am in my 60s now. As a child I was always referred to as a tomboy as I only reluctantly wore dresses, preferred my hair short, liked to climb trees and shunned dolls in favour of what my mum called "boys toys". If anyone had asked me, up to the age of 10 or 11, I would have said I wanted to be a boy.

At secondary school in the 1970s I resented that I had to do three years of cooking and needlework while the boys did woodwork and metalwork. However, by that age I had also decided I didn't really want to be a boy I just resented the limitations and expectations put on being a girl.

I ended up following a career path that was fairly male dominated at the time but as I matured I also embraced my female side.

As an adult I have always been very opposed to gender stereotypes and find it alarming that these days they can be just as rigid and almost dangerous. I have, and have always had, interests and tastes that lie on either side of the traditional stereotypes. Hell, these days I even own a sewing machine and make some of my own clothes!

Thats what i feel - that we're actually going backwards for woman's rights. If you aren't at one extreme or another you must be non binary. I don't like that at all.

I suppose its the modern equivalent of assuming a tomboy must be a lesbian.

I come from a long line of tomboys. My nana was one, my mum was one, and so was I and now my daughter is too.

Today’s obsession with labels is unhealthy. I feel sad for teenagers today, growing up in a world where they’re told normal personality differences mean they must question their sex. Far from empowering kids it undermines their ability to grow, accept themselves and face life as it is. It’s not just misguided, it’s harmful.

This ideology is being pushed by activists and well meaning but uncritical people who think ‘kindness’ means plastering pronouns everywhere and going along with whatever new label comes next.

I don't see those as the same things at all though. I prefer jeans, and literally the only time I've worn a dress this year is at a wedding. But I wouldnt at all identify as non binary and I present as obviously female.

To me non binary is someone who doesn't identify as one or other gender themselves with how they feel. I feel female. Whereas the person I was speaking was viewing gender as more of a social expectation I think.

A girl that acts like a boy was always a tomboy.

The opposite of that was effete / effeminate.

If you were neither, then it would fall under androgynous.

There were no politics to it back then in the 90s. It gets on my tits that it's identity politics nowadays. There's no need for it. Keep with the old non-political terms.

On a side note: "gender neutral toilets". Nope. They were already known as unisex toilets.

i hate the tomboy label.

it’s still buying into gender stereotypes, suggesting you aren’t doing girl properly. A female who likes “boy” activities is a subset of boys/girls.

i’m a girl/woman. It shouldn’t matter whether I like make up, or short hair, trousers or skirts. I’m not a “tomboy” because I like comfy joggers, no make up, and stem subjects. Still female.

Stop labelling girls who don’t fit the stereotype as “other”. Make it normal to just have likes and dislikes, without linking them to gender.

But how can you reject what is immutable?

Being a girl is being a female child. Nothing more nothing less.

It’s like rejecting the concept of having arms

What I find especially annoying is the smug way in which this generation behaves like they’re the first to push back gender stereotypes. Women have been doing it for centuries at the expense of their safety, social standing, family, wealth and often their children. The reason girls today can sit in classrooms, get jobs and have custody of their children and their own money is down to the heroines who fought before us. And young women have the nerve to reject their sex, thinking it’s progressive. It actually makes me angry.

I was and am a tomboy, I'm nearing 60! I don't subscribe to stereotypes. I'm also a female, I'm a mother, a grandmother. I'm currently wearing skinny jeans and a cobra kai T shirt and trainers while drinking a beer. My hair is short and grey.

You don’t believe in stereotypes, yet define yourself as a tomboy?

how does that work? You’re basically saying stereotypes exist and you align more with male stereotypes.

you can’t be a tomboy if you don’t believe in stereotypes. You’re just a woman with a set of likes and dislikes.

Describing is not the same as defining

@cobrakaieaglefang i demand to know where I can buy a Cobra Kai T-shirt! (Please thank you)

Completely agree that ironically we’re now reinforcing gender stereotypes when we’d come so far. If things were the way they are now back in the 90s, a teacher would have definitely convinced me I was a boy!

I detested everything girly growing up, but now I only wear pastels and skirts (except at work where I have to wear all black 😩) and love pink etc. I realised things weren’t as good as I thought they were back then either- I 100% didn’t allow myself to enjoy anything girly as I saw being girly as being weak and pathetic. I thought boys wouldn’t want to play with me and I’d be dismissed as a ‘silly girly’ and not be taken seriously or respected. I’m pretty sure this was all subconsciously there. The whole Girl Power movement to me was like being one of the boys as a girl and being able to participate in and enjoy the stuff boys could.

Would be interested to hear other people’s opinions?

I only finally embraced my girly side about 3 years ago as I kept looking at a friend and wishing I could dress like her and I realised I was still making decisions to buy more unisex coloured things.

I finally bought a highly coveted pink Nintendo DS lite a couple of months ago and I love it 🩷 when I bought the 3DS when it was out I made sure it was the blue one- not too girly. The DS lite I originally had was black. I just think it’s interesting.

Agree with all of this except for the 'we are all non binary'. I am a hyperfeminine woman and have no 'tomboyish' interests whatsoever. I am interested by science, but there is nothing inherently masculine about that.

I've said the same, I liked things that were typically considered to be more male interests; football, cars, F1 etc... I wonder how they would label me nowadays.