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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Chuck this one back? WWYD?

58 replies

RachelTopliss · 22/08/2025 20:08

Met a guy recently seemed ok but a bit opinionated. Interesting conversation though. He does ring and message.

I've been out twice with him, both daytime afternoons for 2 hours max. Told me he won't ever be available Saturday as it's sacrosanct for going out with his mates.

2 Saturdays ago was his birthday and he went out at noon round pubs, for a curry and then back to the pub until kicking out time. I'm not comfortable with that.

I suggested we went to a quiz night and he said he'd let me know, then called to say he'd forgotten he'd arranged to meet up with former work colleagues but wanted to see me on Sunday.

I feel it's always going to be like this, WWYD?

OP posts:
YesHonestly · 22/08/2025 20:09

Get rid.

Rainbowqueeen · 22/08/2025 20:10

Not worth it. You would always come second.

DedododoDedadada · 22/08/2025 20:13

If you feel like this now, it is unlikely to get better so cut your losses.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 22/08/2025 20:15

Definitely throw him back x

Createausername1970 · 22/08/2025 20:16

It depends on what you want out of a long term relationship.

On the plus side he has been honest about this upfront, so you know where you stand. If you are someone who enjoys your own space and meeting your own friends and going away with friends etc., then in some ways he is an ideal partner, he isn't going to be complaining if you arrange to do stuff without him.

If you are not so independently minded and want to do coupley things and weekends away with him then it's not going to happen.

As long as I was free to pursue my own life when he was out with his mates, it wouldn't overly bother me - as a childless couple.

If you are thinking about having kids then this might change things.

Mrsttcno1 · 22/08/2025 20:18

If you’re already not happy then he’s not the one for you. It sounds like you’re very different people to be honest, personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him having a day in the pub for his birthday with friends but if you’re not comfortable with that then you’re incompatible- nobody is wrong, just different.

Original poster
RachelTopliss · 22/08/2025 20:27

I don't mind spending time in the pub but not to the point of getting totally hammered.

OP posts:
YetanotherNC25 · 22/08/2025 20:29

It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible. He’s behaving in a very single way. Because he is. But whether he’d compromise on this a little for a relationship is uncertain. It might always be like this.
There’s nothing wrong with the way he wants to celebrate his birthday. Sounds like a good day with mates. But if you don’t like it, he won’t change. So it might be best to move on to someone else.

oldclock · 22/08/2025 20:30

You seem to be going out with a 15 year old boy. Why would he be even vaguely attractive as a partner?

nomas · 22/08/2025 20:31

Dump him now.

Mrsttcno1 · 22/08/2025 20:31

RachelTopliss · 22/08/2025 20:27

I don't mind spending time in the pub but not to the point of getting totally hammered.

That’s fine for you, but unless it’s every weekend there’s really nothing wrong with someone else enjoying this. Hence I think you’re just incompatible really and that’s not his fault or yours, just you want, enjoy and are looking for different things.

Original poster
RachelTopliss · 22/08/2025 20:32

oldclock · 22/08/2025 20:30

You seem to be going out with a 15 year old boy. Why would he be even vaguely attractive as a partner?

He's 37!

OP posts:
Painrelief · 22/08/2025 20:32

Could he be married ? That was my first thought ….

CutiePieOk · 22/08/2025 20:38

Married? Having an affair

walkingismedicine · 22/08/2025 20:39

You obviously enjoy different things, nothing wrong with that

londongirl12 · 22/08/2025 20:40

Yep, if it’s flakey now, it won’t get better down the line! I don’t think this one is for you. Don’t settle!!

Givenupshopping · 22/08/2025 20:40

Just dump him and be done with it OP, he's not worth the headspace!

autienotnaughty · 22/08/2025 20:41

if it’s casual dating then just don’t see him Saturdays.
if you are wanting a relationship then unless you are happy to not see him for a portion of the weekend it isn’t going to work

Lifestooshort6591 · 22/08/2025 20:43

Bye bye

MounjaroMounjaro · 22/08/2025 20:53

Ugh, come on, OP, there are so many things wrong with this man! Chuck him back in the sea. I doubt he's faithful. He has a problem with alcohol. His mates will always come first. Get rid.

k1233 · 22/08/2025 20:57

Ok. New relationship is the stage where he's trying to impress you. Impressing you = I get shit faced with my mates every Saturday, you can have hung over Sunday's. Yeah, not for me. Plus this is his "best" version of himself at the moment. Reality will be way worse.

BrickSnakes · 22/08/2025 20:57

You aren’t compatible. He likes to socialise with friends Saturdays and you said that isn’t acceptable to you. End it now otherwise you’ll only piss each other off later.

Original poster
RachelTopliss · 22/08/2025 20:59

I had a boyfriend when I was 17 and he was 18 and everything revolved around his mates. When he met me off the bus 9 times out of 10 it was "let's call for Sam". I got fed up with it and it's feeling like that.

OP posts:
Thisisbetweenyoumeandtheinternet · 22/08/2025 21:01

Wow he sounds really immature and I assumed you’d say he was 20 not 37!! He should want to see you as a new partner when it’s exciting, not spend the whole day drinking! Chuck him back!

Plastictreees · 22/08/2025 21:05

He’s a 37 year old baby. NEXT.