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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend and pregnancy sickness

30 replies

Darlasmam · 22/08/2025 19:17

I have recently had two consecutive miscarriages, and I am pregnant again. In all of the pregnancies I have suffered from severe morning sickness. I am on 3 different anti emetics at the moment. In a pregnancy with my older child (not my current partner's) I had hyperemesis and had several weeks of inpatient admissions for IVs and was still vomitting 20+ times a day.

My partner is not very sympathetic or helpful, for example tonight he finished work and I said we were having soup and toasties for tea as it was the least offensive smelling food I could think of in my haste to get out of Asda as looking at the food set me off retching. He opened the fridge to have a look, I asked him to close the fridge as I could smell the marinated raw chicken that was in there and it was making me gag. I cooked mine and my son's food, he said he was going to do his own, he then proceeded to fry the marinated chicken in oil and can't understand why the smell is making me cry. The whole house stinks, even with windows open and a fan on. For further context, he isn't that clued up when it comes to anything relating to pregnancy, I also get migraines and when we are in the car he still has loud music playing despite knowing I'm having a migraine and both times that I miscarried he went to work as normal and left me to deal with it alone, he never came to any scans or appointments however he has no issue booking days off work for tattoo appointments.

AIBU to expect him to be more considerate? Or at the very least, if he can't be helpful then he could avoid doing things to make the sickness worse? Is this how other men behave?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 22/08/2025 19:18

Ok. Sorry, why are you trying ti have a family with a man who doesn’t care about you?

Jemimapinotduck · 22/08/2025 19:20

I'm really sorry but it doesn't sound like he gives a single shit about you. You deserve better.

GoldenRosebee · 22/08/2025 19:20

YNBU for asking him to be more considerate, but this behaviour might continue past birth.

Runmybathforme · 22/08/2025 19:20

Why are you breeding with this horrible man ?

FuzzyWolf · 22/08/2025 19:22

Just imagine how much worse this will be once the baby is born.

I just don’t understand why people have children with men like this.

DollyMixers · 22/08/2025 19:22

Why on earth would you have a baby with this man…

HelloHellNo · 22/08/2025 19:23

You know having a baby with him isn't going to make him more kind, considerate, thoughtful or emotionally avaliable. He's a selfish wanker now and he isn't going to get any better. Actually, I predict he'll get worse.

CinnamonBuns67 · 22/08/2025 19:24

Yanbu that isn't fair what he's doing, it's actually horrible you've told him it's making you feel ill and he's deliberately cooked it anyway. I'm also in the very early stages of pregnancy myself and the nausea is just kicking in. I'd be fuming if my partner did this. I hope you at least got to enjoy your toastie and soup before his actions made you feel poorly.

Ohlifelife · 22/08/2025 19:25

Oh my goodness OP this is just so sad.
He doesn't care about you and he has no human decency or kindness.

crumblingschools · 22/08/2025 19:27

Why do you keep trying to have a child with him? How is he towards your son?

SlashBeef · 22/08/2025 19:29

No, this isn't normal behaviour. Can I ask why you want a child with this man?

Crochetandtea · 22/08/2025 19:31

If only there was a way to prevent pregnancies??
This man doesn’t care about you or the baby. It won’t change when baby arrives.

Crochetandtea · 22/08/2025 19:33

Why do you think this is as good as you deserve btw? This man is not a good man! He will not change and you will be alone with two children.

Darlasmam · 22/08/2025 19:33

This baby is wanted, with or without the man. Thanks for the responses though, it's helpful to see that it's not actually a non issue and that most people would be upset by it.

OP posts:
Poodlelove · 22/08/2025 19:47

How old is he ? How long have you been together?
Why hasn't he attended scans ?
His behaviour won't change when baby is born sadly.

Darlasmam · 22/08/2025 19:52

He's 35, we both are. Have been together for 2 years but friends for 15. He has always been thoughtful and considerate, is close to his family, great with kids so this side of him has shocked me a bit. The first time I was pregnant I excused it as it's new to him, but this is the third time and I don't think theres a good enough excuse now. I have also been doing all of the shopping and all of the household tasks including cleaning and cooking which I haven't minded as he works a physical job, but I also work 13 hour shifts on my feet in a challenging job (nurse) and I'm now struggling. We had a conversation about it this week and he said that he has helped decorate the house and refit the bathroom so we are even.

OP posts:
Eenameenadeeka · 22/08/2025 20:00

I had HG in all of my pregnancies. It's really hard. My husband would cook for himself and the children, and then clean up and air the room out. I would have to stay in the bedroom while he cooked and a while after due to the smell, or he'd often buy something already cooked to keep the smell down. I don't think it's reasonable to expect him to only have soup and toast for dinner because it probably wouldn't full him up (my husband works a very physical job so he needs to eat more) but he does need to pick what he cooks carefully

GreenFrogYellow · 22/08/2025 20:06

OP have a blunt and honest conversation with him about how you are feeling and tell him he needs to step up.
i am currently pregnant. I also had a miscarriage before this pregnancy. I struggled emotionally at the beginning and my DH was being, I felt, not as caring and sympathetic as I would hope. We had one conversation about it and his behaviour changed and now everything is fine. Maybe he just needs to hear it.
i am suffering with nausea, mild in comparison to you but still needing medicine. My DH has cooked every meal and done every load of washing for weeks now, as I am working and have family stuff going on I need to attend to and I’m exhausted. He is not making a big deal out of it. I know now if I asked him to do anything for me, he would, as he should because I am carrying our child and feel like shit.

Matildahoney · 22/08/2025 20:07

Wow! He's a disgusting specimen isn't he?!
I'm currently pregnant, I work part time and look after our toddler on my days off. DH works full time, he cooks every day without fail, he'll put washing on when he WFH, he does the garden, he hoovers, he gives DS his dinner most days as he's in first, he takes him swimming weekly.
Don't tie yourself to this man child, you'd be better off with a sperm doner, his actions tell you he doesn't care about you or your unborn child.

PumpingRSI · 22/08/2025 20:13

When I had awful morning sickness my partner took on the cooking, cleaning and menu planning. He went to the shops for whatever I fancied and then put the kids to bed (not his) when I fell asleep at 7/8pm every night. I divorced my previous husband for being a twat like your bf sounds. He was useless when I was pregnant and ill and got worse as a father. Good luck and hope it doesn’t turn out like it did for me.

Groundhogday2025 · 22/08/2025 20:34

Yeah… I would’ve gone to a sperm bank rather than tying myself to this thing for at least 18 years, but what’s done is done.
But yes- you deserve better and I don’t think there are any excuses for this selfishness.

Sit him down and make it very clear his behaviour is not acceptable. Just because you feel terrible and exhausted does not make you weak or a victim. You need to stand up for yourself. If he still doesn’t buck up his ideas I’d try to leave the earliest you can, as this isn’t going to get any better. Reminds me of a friend who struggled with severe PND to the point of feeling suicidal, was struggling to BF, baby was a terrible sleeper and her “d”h made her feel guilty for giving the baby formula because his mum told him that breast is best, then proceeded to declare HE was suffering PND (bearing in mind he hadn’t changed a single nappy or given a single feed the baby’s whole life).

I just can’t…. This just isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Read some of the post from other women about what their husband’s do for them in pregnancy. THAT is normal.

BuckChuckets · 22/08/2025 20:58

Darlasmam · 22/08/2025 19:33

This baby is wanted, with or without the man. Thanks for the responses though, it's helpful to see that it's not actually a non issue and that most people would be upset by it.

Please get rid and go it alone x

titchy · 22/08/2025 21:05

How on earth is he thoughtful and considerate? You know what those words mean right?

Loadsapandas · 22/08/2025 21:25

Darlasmam · 22/08/2025 19:33

This baby is wanted, with or without the man. Thanks for the responses though, it's helpful to see that it's not actually a non issue and that most people would be upset by it.

This is so sad.

I get that the baby is wanted by you, but clearly he doesn’t want baby or those you lost (my condolences).

The problem is, you are ok to go it alone but to lumber a child with a dad that will most likely be shitty to them their whole life?

Do you know the damage this causes?

sigh.

HappySummerDays · 22/08/2025 21:30

Just imagine being that baby having that man as a father.

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