Should we move house due to not liking the layout?

[FigTree123]

I feel a bit crazy for asking this and very aware it sounds like such a non-problem! We moved into our current house just over 2 years ago (3 bed detached) with DS who is now 4. I had no real desire to move from our old house which was admittedly smaller and a bit tired - we had been there 7 years, DS was born there, and although it was missing some things we would like as a growing family, it felt like home and I was content. DH really hated it there by the time we moved so he pushed for it and I went along with it.

I digress... The current house although certainly an upgrade just doesn't do it for me. It's mainly the layout. Everything is on the ground floor bar the living room which is on a lower level (garden has to be accessed through there or down stairs at the side of the house). I don't like coming up to the kitchen and leaving DS downstairs, also it feels there is nowhere to sit when you come in the front door other than the kitchen table or DSs room which seems to happen often as it's the first room you come to. I feel there's no privacy with the bedrooms and the living area does not get used well. It doesn't feel like it flows well especially with a kid. So, we're considering moving but I worry that I'm being really silly about this?? If we moved it would be a similar size i.e 3 bedrooms but likely semi detached and cheaper, as we've also discovered we really don't have a lot of spare money just now to do many renovations alongside balancing holidays and what-not. As much as it's not working for me I still feel this ache that this is our home (a lovely one at that on paper) and we'd be starting again. Help!

What I'm taking from your posts is that it's your DH's attitude which is the problem. He wanted to move, so you all moved. You would like to make alterations, but he refuses. He needs to compromise too.

Get an builder in for a discussion and see what ideas they have. It wouldn't actually cost that much to move the kitchen downstairs - you just need to chase the walls out for electrics and install plumbing and possibly change flooring. Alternatively, a garage conversion is also reasonably cheap to do as it's mainly about insulation and footings at the front. It just depends if the wall into Bedroom 3 is structural and you need a steel to take it down. That's what costs a lot these days.

Arm yourself with actual quotes and then decide, weighing it up against paying Stamp Duty, legals, fees etc to move. I've just moved and waved goodbye to c.£20k for all that (which annoys me no end when I'm just trying to put a roof over mine and my kids heads).

My vote is to move the kitchen downstairs and get a sofa in it too. Then keep the kitchen either as a master suite and use a smaller bedroom as a snug or use it as a lounge in the evenings.

I think it would transform your lifestyle. I'd give up a holiday or two to do it.

Why not turn the 2 adjacent bedrooms into a large lounge, and then add some partition walls to make downstairs 2 bedrooms for you and ds, you could even make a small playroom area at back of lounge so he has a space for playing or turn his current room into play space

Decent sofa bed in the lounge for visitors to stay over with a long term view of renovating garage into a habitable room

I came on to say just this - what OPs DH wants/doesn’t want and what he will/will not do seem to be causing OP more distress than any house.
How can he possibly be content when his wife feels like this? I know my DH and I certainly are not happy if the other is not happy and we work together to find the spot where we are both content.
As it happens we had a similar dilemma last year. We had a house which we loved but with a slightly odd layout which didn’t work for us as a family, we started to get builders in for quotes and find out what could be done. Ultimately, it was such hard work even getting quotations and we would have ended up spending money way over the ceiling price of the house only for it to still not be right and have to move in a few years anyway.
We sold it, bought the right house and have not looked back. It was absolutely the right decision for us.
Lots to consider but it sounds like the first problem is getting your DH to engage or even accept that there is a problem with his wife feeling like this in her own home!

The cheap option for now is moving the dining into bedroom 3 and sofa into the dining area. Anything else involves spending money, including moving. Downstairs could then be used for anything you want. You just need to meet your current needs, not any future second child. You will hopefully have more to spend later on and could then do something like a downstairs kitchen, dining and living area. Don't waste money on a temporary solution that won't suit you in 5 years.

But is your DH considering the many cheap options people are suggesting here op, of eg creating a different layout downstairs with stud walls? It sounds like he’s ruling out an expensive extension and thinking it won’t add sufficient value to justify, which is probably right. But there are things you can do for far less that the cost of stamp duty and moving fees. Sit down together and consider all the options.

@Aweecupofteaandabiscuit your situation sounds exactly the same as ours. We had a builder out to talk through knocking through the 2 bedrooms into a living room and putting bedrooms downstairs (both would be small doing that). So we did talk through some options but like you said the actual hassle of getting him out, getting approval to do the work, it's been a headache and DH just does not want to spend the money on it. It would almost feel like doing that work to almost 'make do'. From what other people have suggested such as using a bedroom for dining table, putting a mini living area in the kitchen, there are all great options that don't cost much but again it's the feeling of just making do and DH still not sold on those ideas..if he had it his way we would leave everything as is. His vote if we do have to change something, is to move to a cheaper house.

I'd move the bedrooms to the lower level (looks like you can split the lounge in half and have 2 decent sized bedrooms), add in a toilet / shower room and a corridor so you can access the garden without having to go through the bedrooms. Probably a cheaper option than ripping out a decent kitchen and moving it to the lower level. You could try it out for free by moving the beds/living room furniture for a few weeks and seeing how it feels.

I would also consider how much you like the area, is it in a good area for decent schools etc. If you're not sold on that, then moving is probably the right option.

Also I'm in Scotland so I don't know if that makes a difference to moving costs, but when we first moved I don't remember it being too much,.less than 5000 for everything including moving company

I think it sounds like you have a dh problem - very inflexible.

I like this idea best. Kitchen/diner/family room with access onto the garden downstairs. Is there an option to come in through the garden and do you could put a small porch on as main entrance? Or you could get rid of the WC for more entrance space upstairs and convert existing kitchen into master bedroom with ensuite and dressing room or seating area. Think upstairs snug would be good to have so I would either use bedroom 1 (maybe incorporate both wardrobes to make it a bit bigger though maybe not if trying to save money) or divide current kitchen in to two rooms, one master bedroom and one snug. Are there similar houses in the road? Can you look on council planning permission portal or Rightmove to see what others have done?

I would really struggle with that layout, it seems to be designed for people who choose to live in their kitchens rather than their living rooms which I will never understand. I would probably need to move.

All of this! ⬆️

Also we recently moved - cost us £30k which was estate agents fees, the movers and stamp duty.

Assuming the parents have the big room downstairs as there bedroom, do you want your kids on a different floor, bit of a pain that, plus no bathroom/toilet on that floor so if need loo in middle of night you are up and down stairs.

Neither of these are ideal (obviously people do it).

Does DH slats get his own way?

If money is tight can you afford to move and have another DC?

Are things like garden, area, schools good where you currently live?

I think this is tricky, because the layout is clearly a big disadvantage. And the trade off for that is that you have been able to buy a larger house with better features (high spec modern decor, garden, detached property) for the same money.

So when your DH says the best option is moving to a "cheaper" house, that's not really true - you would be moving to a smaller less "nice" house for the same money (minus what has to be paid on moving costs, solicitor fees, tax, early repayment fee etc).

We are in a slightly similar situation (also in Scotland) in that we have a flat in a not great location (over a commercial unit on a busy road). That meant we could get a lot more flat (bigger space, private garden, in a good catchment area) for our money than if we had vetoed the flat based on location. Right now, that works for us, but the trade off is that when we move, it will be hard/slow to sell and won't achieve the same percentage above HR value than a much smaller flat without the location disadvantages.

In your situation, I would look at both a short term and a long term plan. If you only moved recently, you are likely to lose money by moving now because:

• the housing market is slower now than 2y ago in most parts of Scotland
• any early repayment fees for the mortgage (unless you can port it to a new property with a similar value)
• you haven't built up much equity in the property, so most of the money you have paid has been on interest repayment not paying back the loan.

For the long term, can you do some financial projections to work out how much deposit you are likely to have from the sale of your current house in 3/5 years - at what point does it become viable to trade up to a bigger property?Or alternatively, how much would it cost to extend/alter the layout so that it genuinely works for you and your (possibly growing) family?

Then look at the short term. Your DH wants to keep the layout as it is. But that's not working for you and he hasn't even tried any of the other options. It isn't fair for him to be refusing any flexibility here - there needs to be a compromise.

What is the cheapest/easiest thing you could do to make the house layout more workable in the short term, while waiting to either move or extend?

I'd definitely be considering adding a living space in the kitchen or in one of the 2 larger bedrooms as a first option, so that there is something on the main floor, even if it's a bit small and imperfect. That has minimal cost and might give you an idea about whether there is a way to make the layout workable, or if moving really is the best option.

FWIW, I think your DH is probably right that small structural changes (stud walls etc) will be a big expense/hassle that won't make significant improvement to the layout. Bigger changes (kitchen downstairs) cost more and might just move the layout problem. And an extension that gives you more living space on the main floor will be pretty expensive - but possibly worth saving for if it makes the house work for you in the long term.

@crumblingschools it's not my favourite area but it's not terrible. School isn't a massive issue because my son will be placed in an ASN school and we don't get a choice where that will be. In regards money, I just mean that we are at the top end of our budget with this house. We can afford holidays etc but part of our thinking was a cheaper house would be slightly less mortgage so free up money for activities etc, and the lump sum we would get from downsizing could allow us to fully decorate the way we want, do our garden up eventually. In our current house we would need to take a decent sized loan to do any big changes and that's where my DH is just point blank refusing.

I've got myself in a terrible state over all this. I really appreciate everyone's words of wisdom.

Just remember you don't have to rush to make a decision. Take the pressure off yourself and relax.

Cast a bit of an eye over what's available a bit cheaper with a better lay out and see if there is likely to be stuff in your price range. Think carefully about the area, size of the property, layout, etc. Work out how much a move would cost, find out if you can port your mortgage, work out if the decrease in mortgage payments would make a downsize worth it and then make a deicion about if it's what you want to do.

@YanTanTetheraPetheraBumfitt thank you, I do need to relax a bit and remind myself there is no urgency here. We have a nice house that isn't perfect but we are lucky to have a nice safe home xx

Agree.
Will turn it into a great 4 bedroom house
And much cheaper than moving.

I'd look at converting the garage into bedroom 3. Make current bedroom 3 a snug. You could knock through from the kitchen, creating a kitchen/diner and snug.

I mean moving is expensive, you’d just be pissing money up the wall on stamp duty, estate agent’s fees, removal company, etc. But if you hate it, then you hate it.

I do agree that your DP needs to recognise how much this is unsettling you and accept that he will have to compromise somewhere and help you to feel more settled if only for a couple of years.
A thought - are there lots of exactly the same house on the street, if so I bet others have moved rooms around or extended etc and it can be so valuable to see it for real. Do you have a street WhatsApp or know any neighbours to share your layout queries, maybe some neighbours would be happy to show you changes they've made?
Another option is to search your street on Zoopla or Rightmove which again should get you floor plans and photos of other houses on the street?
Obviously all of this is pointless if there aren't multiples of exactly the same house on your street...!