What do your teens actually do during the holidays?

[muffintop83]

I have a ds14 and I think this summer has been the toughest yet. Also have a younger child who is still very much into days out but ds is just too old for that stuff. Dragged him along on a couple of national trust days but it just feels forced. He has had a holiday with us and also with his dad’s side of the family so he’s been lucky in that respect. He also plays cricket and training games have continued over the summer which is good physically and socially. But other than this he has spent so much time at home on a screen. He’s had friends over a few times but they tend to just be on screens together.

I’ve arranged a few days childcare for youngest so we could go the cinema, shopping and that sort of stuff but tomorrow I am faced with another day with both kids not knowing what to do. He’s too old for summer camps and clubs and has the general grunting malaise of many teenagers. Dh has set him to work on some garden jobs which he’s completed on and off.

I just feel like it’s been so long and so difficult this year. The guilt is real - guilt at dragging him along to days out he doesn’t want to be on, guilt for leaving him at home while I take the youngest out. Guilt at having an age gap and juggling them both alongside work and all the usual household stuff. Gah!

Bump

Stays in bed most of the day while I’m at work

My own children are still very little but I’ve previously worked with this age group at school. It’s a tough time, for lots of reasons.

Does he ever give you any ideas of what he’d like to do?
Or is he actually that bothered about doing anything?
Perhaps just having time to unwind at home with a bit of socialising here and there is enough, before school starts again.

My child has had quite a friend-less summer which has made me sad. It’s made me realise that I think she fabricates the extent of her friendships at school. She’s seen friends maybe once a week/10 days but she’s been home with me mostly, either gaming or walking the dog or doing art. It’s been an eye opener as she used to have a super strong friendship group until she changed schools.

No he hasn’t and it’s tough. Other than cricket and gaming.

My 13 year old fell out with his friendship group before the holidays so he hasn’t had many social opportunities this summer.
I am very lucky to have time off so the summer has consisted of:

Gym (every day)
Table tennis at gym (most days - we are ready for the olympics at this point)
Mini golf (again ready for the masters by now). Unlimited golf card. Going to think about graduating into real golf.
Cinema. Got an unlimited card so can take him to whatever he wants to see.
Indoor skate park (I do not participate in this one!)

this accounts for about 4 weeks as we have been away twice.

How old?

Dd 16 came on holiday with us, stayed in bed most days till past lunchtime, think did two day trips with us. Came home and has done fuck all pretty much apart from go to the shop twice and my mum convinced her to go shopping last week. So 8 weeks of absolute nothing. All she's interested in is sleeping and chatting to her pals whilst playing games. She's not interested unless your spending a shit load of cash or feeding her.

Dd14 on the other hand, was the first one up on holiday and was keen to try all day trips except the salt lake. Came home and then travelled down to England to her best friends for the week. Has been shopping, biking, hiking, tottering about the town, baking cakes with her pals. Gets up at 6am everyday for her paper round as she strangely really enjoys it. This last week she has taken it in turns with me to visit her dad in hospital, totally her choice to do so.

It's very frustrating but I've come to accept they are two very different people and there really is no pleasing some people, home is where the heart is and all that shit.

Its very hard OP. I find it hard (13 year old ds) - and I know his friends parentrs struggle too

On days where it's gone better than others - this is what he has done.

• gone to meet friends at local football cage
• gone to other side of town to a different but popular football cage!
• gone to get a haircut with a friend
• gamed at a friends house/ had sleepover
• got up, kicked ball about his room because I wont' let him game all day - argued - gamed for a bit, gone out because I make him
• met friends from school on the beach (we live by coast realise not possible everywhere! he actually hates the beach! I wish he went more)

I always say on these threads - I think there is am assive, massive problem for society with young people with nothing to do between ages of about 12 and 17 -

They should be able to go to bustling youth clubs in every neighbourhood - we are just letting teens fall into endless gaming habits when actually they need support and places to go out and be with their peers

pre-gaming/ phones they would have been out on bikes or round each others houses chatting/ reading /talking (that's what I rememember)

• of course some teens will be self motivated or have great hobbies but a lot fall into the cracks and just spend most of their time gaming / scrolling

Pretty much this!

Coming up to 13

We're in Scotland so ours are back now but mine was living his best life all summer. Golf, gym, cinema trips, bike rides, tennis. He's lucky he has like minded pals and they're always off doing something somewhere. And we're lucky to live somewhere there's loads to do! He has a council leisure membership that gets him access to most of the above and it's very cheap. I think he maybe had a handful of days in the house. I'm so glad he's motivated to do stuff.
I was working all summer bar one week which I needed off to recover from a minor surgery.

At 14, dd spent 1 week at a residential camp and the rest of the summer holiday in a volunteer job about 20 hours a week.

Oh so she had so much time to find a tribe. If she needs one!

It’s really eye opening how little there can be for teens to do. When I was 14 in Australia, I spent the summer as a trainee swimming teacher with my own swimming coach and working in a heaving beachside burger and chip shop. My mother worked full time and didn’t have the money for holidays.

I don’t know if it’s UK labour laws and/or culture but teens not working at least part time during summer is very frustrating. My teens are just at home with little contact with ‘friends’ except online, they aren’t interested in going out and doing things as OP said. Even going out for dinner ‘takes too long’.

It’s such a strange age isn’t it. They are still young enough to need a bit of help in arranging and facilitating plans but they don’t want to actively be involved in family days out. I agree it would be lovely to have some sort of youth club or gathering point in the area. Our leisure centre gyms don’t accept members until they are 16 with the exception of a few hourly slots for younger dc but making these times can be tricky and means I also have to go with ds.

It’s just a total pain. There were a lot of places I wanted to go with the dc during the holidays but it became obvious quite quickly that ds wasn’t interested and then you become resentful for forcing and paying for it.

We have an open house for my dc friends to come and go . My dd12 has been to lots of sleepovers this holiday and we have hosted plenty too . She has been shopping, to a trampoline park, walks in the local park with friends, cinema, mini golf, local funfair and gymnastics classes. She loves chatting online to friends but prefers to actually be with them in person. DS17 has been learning to drive, getting the train a few times a week to local towns and cities with friends, had friends over for dinner, long evening walks with me plus we had 9 nights away in Spain too and did lots of swimming , and visited a water park. They are both active children and wouldn’t be able to stay in the house for even one day without doing something.

I also agree that there is little provision for children and they are mostly forgotten about (as proved with Covid!) these holidays have cost me a fortune.

14 year old twin boys.
We've had 2 separate weeks away - one camping and one visiting theme parks and water parks in Europe and they've had the occasional day out/sleepover with friends.
One goes to the gym twice a week and trains for his sport twice a week. The other isn't into the gym but does martial arts training 3 times a week.
Other than that they've been very happy getting up late, lounging around their rooms on their devices, chatting to friends online and generally doing nothing. I've checked in a few times to see if they'd like to be doing more but they're enjoying the down time - term time is full on with school, training, games/
competitions for their sports and they like to have time to 'chill' in the holidays.
I've made my peace with it - I'm working full time anyway so it's not as if I could be doing things with them and as long as they're happy then I'm happy :-)

My dd is 16 so a bit older. She does alot of stuff with her friends - they are quite sweet and do lots of nice things like going for a picnic and even to galleries (we’re in outer London so they can travel in). But also normal teen stuff like going round rhe shops.

If she’s on her own and bored she goes for a long walk!

In terms of doing stuff together, again a long walk is on the cards, but she is also happy to come to the seaside with me and DS11. She’ll do an NT place sometimes.

She doesn’t like anything like theme parks or swimming indoors, or the cinema.

My DS is that bit younger. His ideal thing is going to the park with friends to play football or tennis, or getting taken to a waffle place near us. He’s more the age for “activities” like go ape or football golf or whatever, or museums like national history museum etc

He is absolutely mad about swimming so if that’s on the cards at all he’s happy.

But all that said, if given the chance he will sit in his room and watch a screen!

Totally relate altho sometimes it's my younger one thst doesn't want to go out and the older one who does!!

I feel awful saying it because I know I shouldn’t wish the time away but I am dreading tomorrow as I know I’ll just get myself stressed thinking of things to do with them both. We’ve been to the library and our local NT several times. I feel like to do anything new or exciting we’ll have to drive out somewhere but I am just lacking in motivation, energy and money when I know ds will need cajoling and would probably rather be holed up in his room on his tablet.

Do many teens actually read for pleasure, I wonder, in some of their downtime? I'm ancient, to be sure, but do remember that (alongside doing things with friends, trips with parents, going on the bus to the nearest big town for Girly Shopping) my sibling and I both read a hell of a lot and did a lot of drawing/painting/creative stuff.
And of course played our singles and LPs with regular parental shouts of Turn it Down!
To be sure, this was in the days when one could also safely cycle around our tiny town and go places without being ferried there by parents.
At any rate, I do know my parents were often relieved that they'd produced offspring who could entertain themselves inexpensively.

Yeah, that’s what I said to her, I’m hoping it’s just a transition phase but you can’t help but worry. I also think that there is a possibility that she may be autistic and this is adding to those concerns.

I’m sure she will be fine 😊

My 16 yo has been living her best life, she's done yoga, read, come swimming in the mornings with me, had regular meet ups and sleep overs with her friends, bakes, spent a week with her aunt and grandmother in Edinburgh doing the festival, goes out with her younger brother to watch a film and have lunch in town, watched a favourite TV show in Spanish with Spanish subtitles so she kept up with her Spanish post GCSEs. By 16 they are more independent and girls are better at arranging get togethers, my girls get together with their friends for craft afternoons and picnics by the river etc so not all high cost.

My 13yo would spend the entire time on electronic devices if we let him. He spends the morning reading, has friends over (although that still has to be arranged/encouraged by us), has swimming lessons, does a bit of housework/gardening with encouragement, plays football or badminton in the garden with his Dad.

We are lucky and have generous annual leave so have had a few weeks off in the summer and I don't have much truck with the 'they are too old for family days out'. It's only my 17yo who is allowed to say that and that's because paid work or academic work take priority.