What do your teens actually do during the holidays?

[muffintop83]

I have a ds14 and I think this summer has been the toughest yet. Also have a younger child who is still very much into days out but ds is just too old for that stuff. Dragged him along on a couple of national trust days but it just feels forced. He has had a holiday with us and also with his dad’s side of the family so he’s been lucky in that respect. He also plays cricket and training games have continued over the summer which is good physically and socially. But other than this he has spent so much time at home on a screen. He’s had friends over a few times but they tend to just be on screens together.

I’ve arranged a few days childcare for youngest so we could go the cinema, shopping and that sort of stuff but tomorrow I am faced with another day with both kids not knowing what to do. He’s too old for summer camps and clubs and has the general grunting malaise of many teenagers. Dh has set him to work on some garden jobs which he’s completed on and off.

I just feel like it’s been so long and so difficult this year. The guilt is real - guilt at dragging him along to days out he doesn’t want to be on, guilt for leaving him at home while I take the youngest out. Guilt at having an age gap and juggling them both alongside work and all the usual household stuff. Gah!

It is very very common for female friendship groups to implode at that age. Both of my DDs have (at best) had a reshuffle of friends around that age. It all works out for the best in the end and a few years on they both have a close group of really nice friends.

Thank you, this has made me feel better 😊

I am lucky and my 15yo DS is really good at filling his time. As you say OP, cricket training and matches have carried on throughout the summer. He meets his friends to play padel or golf or go for a bike ride - obviously this also involves a trip to McDonald's or similar. He goes to the gym (our local leisure centre has sessions for 14-15 year olds) and does park run on Saturdays. He is volunteering in the library for the summer reading challenge. He has done a bit of work for GCSEs (but I realise your DS is a year younger so probably doesn't have any school work). He practises his instrument and plays in a band. He has a job pot washing in a local pub for a few hours a week - I know it's hard for 15 year olds to find work, but it is possible. He does spend some time gaming or on his phone too. We've done two days out with old friends and a family holiday as well.

Thank you for the replies. Some of your teens seem very proactive. I’ve offered to bake, offered him to come on dog walks which he occasionally will but more often than not he chooses to stay in his room.

He has gone out with a friend today so at least I only have the little one to entertain. I just want to have nice memories to look back on of summer, not endless guilt, stress and screens.

I’m in a very similar position to you OP, with DS14 and DS10. I offered DS14 a gym membership for the summer but he said no. (There’s one walking distance from our house). It’s mainly been gaming, the occasional meet up with friends and thankfully football practice has still been on.
He has been more interested in doing things with me when DS10 isn’t there. We’ve done a few walks which have been nice. Today unbelievably he’s agreed to go bowling as a family. (But only one game!)
Generally though I’m trying to relax with it. All his friends seem similar. Ultimately he’s a good kid with good grades and I could be dealing with worse problems than this.

Dd was very interested in sailing at that age - so tended to do at least 2 weeks, often more, in sailing camps locally.

Her scout group, as a sea scout unit, continued to meet over the summer for boating season (sailing and rowing). And they went away on a 10 day camp, that she usually went on.

Sailing competitions happened over the summer - fun mid-week regattas locally (each of the 3 clubs held 1 each, for members of all 3 to participate in), a fun racing season on Friday nights, and her competitive series which had regattas around the country usually involved 2 one day (Sundays) events and 2 two day (full weekend) events.

And at that age, she still wanted to do a general sports camp in the city near my office for a week. Which also meant at least one evening grabbing dinner together in town before getting our train home.

She wasn’t so involved with friends physically, just online, as many in her school were from overseas and many locals tended to spend a lot of the summer away or doing serious camps related to their interests (various sports, drama, music, etc).

OP, this is exactly how I feel re: the exhaustion from cajoling. Mine are only 10 and 11, but they’re both quite grown up for their age, so are generally eschewing my usual summer suggestions, so I’m feeling that that sadness of them pulling away from willingly doing activity trails and small museum visits and I feel quite sad TBH!

But yes, both have ADHD and the cajoling for basic day to day tasks is draining as it is, let alone adding in cajoling to go out and do things they’re not bothered about. I also suffer horribly from mum guilt, so the combination of both is just exhausting!

We’ve definitely done fewer days out than we normally do this summer, but the positive I’ve taken from that is not having to make as many bastard packed lunches as usual!

I find they’re usually happy to do anything if they have a friend along with them, but realise this isn’t always affordable or feasible.