Loss of youth… will this feeling pass?

[Lejagf]

Recently I’ve been really struggling with feeling life is passing me by and my youth has gone.

I know I’m not old but I am approaching 40 and it’s fair to say that’s not young either.

I miss the feeling of the world being at my feet…opportunities everywhere, second chances, room for mistakes, a world bursting with new people to meet, having lots of energy and not caring about lack of sleep… and a slender body that didn’t feel the effects of eating a greasy burger 😂

Suddenly I feel the impact of no exercise, of not eating well, of being too tired. I realise there’s things to look forward to but they don’t compare to the excitement of the first time you kiss someone, drive a car, start a degree, have a baby… so many amazing things. I’m now a mum and I’m in the slog and I feel like I’m grieving my youth. I think back to carefree days as a young twenty something and long to be in that moment one more time. I know it’s rose tinted glasses and I know there’s so many great things now, better things even. But I still grieve my youth. Will this feeling pass?!

I'm nearing the 50s and trying to preserve my joints, muscles and general health. May be do a blood test, rearrange your priorities, less bread and cake, some exercise and a Spiritual practice opening your mindset to the eternal will anchor you....the correct way

@CanIgetARosePinkFrappucino thank you for these suggestions!

40 is the statistical bottom of the bell curve of happiness. 20 and 60-70 are highest. Hang in there!

I felt exactly the same at your age . Then my 40,s turned out to be wonderful. 50 and 60 come soon enough.

I feel exactly the same as you! Approaching 40 too but I’m in the part where I’m struggling with certain things in life and things haven’t turned out how I thought/wished they would so longing for my carefree youth! No advice but just wanted to say ‘I feel ya!’

I feel the same at 44. I don’t have any answers, but you’re not alone and I’ll be following this post too!

I feel this way at 35 😅

Can you explain what " being unreasonable," means in this context?
Unreasonable to expect the grieving of lost youth to pass?
Unreasonable to feel sad about the passing of your youth ?
Personally, in my 70s,I miss and grieve for my youth more and more.

Start looking after your body as best you can now (but not to the exclusion of all the fun stuff) - and find some kind of mindfulness practice to anchor you in the present for the most part.

If you have some idea of how you want the future to look, start laying the foundations for that.

I'll be turning 50 next month. To be honest my forties were a shitshow steep learning curve which I've only just started to get my head around - divorce, bereavement, Covid, job issues, menopause. I spent so much time trying to make up for lost time and not realising that I was different person. Also trying to prove various points to myself and others that I really needed to let go/not give a shit about.

I'm in a much more peaceful and positive place now I have accepted the ageing process and started living in the moment whilst looking forward, instead of constantly looking back.

I'm 42 and feeling v much the same. In the thick of it with young kids too. Following with interest.

How old are your children.

My 20s were riddled with anxiety.. it’s soo much better now, have more security and routine.. and the time when I can take a weekend away with the gals has come back again, and it’s even more treasured now! I’m 50!!

I understand that feeling. It’s like you’ve been young all your life and suddenly youre middle aged. I’m 40 next year and alarmed how fast it’s crept up. My kids are 13 and 10 and so I’m focussing on the fact that we’re all headed to a new era - mine and DH forties and the kids in their teen years and the positives that brings. I’m especially looking forward to travelling to different places with the kids now they’re older and it’s a lot easier. And having a bit of time back for myself as they get older. But equally I don’t want it to rush by because it’s a blink of an eye that I was almost 30 with a baby and a toddler and it was exhausting but I’d love to go back just for a day! I suppose this time in 10 years we will think 39/40 isn’t old. It’s all relative. We’re ancient to teenagers. But young to pensioners!

I felt like this in my 40’s.

Now I’m in my 50’s and feel a lot better.

Peri menopause, bereavement, parenting small children, illness all hit hard and made me grieve my youth.

Now I’m through those things and have been able to prioritise everything that got sidelined a for a decade… wellness, sleep, pursuing personal interests, hanging out with friends… and I feel waaay more connected to the person I was in my 20’s and 30’s.

Hang in there… there’s lots of life to look forward to!

Following too - 40's are the limbo age between youth and being old. Comes up on you way too quickly. No advice other than it being normal, quite sadly.

Im 39 this year my baby has moved out.
And im on a new chapter.
I dont feel like ive missed anything from my youth in fact life got better as i got older.
Im more confident now than what i was in my 20s.
Im having a whale of a time and i hope to carry on.
We all have the odd down day op but dont stay there to long.

It's when I hit30 I felt old . 40 plus was much better. Apart from physically my 50s are pretty good as well

You're definitely not alone, OP. I've felt this way for a decade now and I'm 44. I had a terrible head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic that gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia. The past decade has been basically me and my awful health problems, plus my brother passing away, and then bringing up small children while feeling delicate and depressed.

Them throw in perimenopause and a couple more concussions... yep, it's all peachy! 😅 Seriously though, I read a scientific article yesterday about how much ageing well is a lot to do with mindset and perception of how old you are. Biologically, ond might be 65 but feel 30 years younger, ot vice versa, depending upon health etc. I think it's all relative, but it's been proven that a lot of it is definitely believing you are ageing well, and you're younger than you actually are.

I think this is what my mum's attitude is, and a nurse once told her that this, combined with her great genes, was the key to her good health in her late 70s now.

Plus, scientific evidence is also now there apparently to show there are four specific genetic "ageing" types, and what certain people will be susceptible to health wise as they age.

Anyway, the point of my rambling was to say, you are not alone 🤗

40s are a funny old time - almost overnight I turned 40 and life threw a ton of shit my way (bereavement, estrangement, chronic illness, unemployment… fun times!) I’m about 10x more confident than the woman I was a decade ago though, and feel able to handle a lot without it breaking me. I work at forging deeper connections with people now I can no longer get by on my looks, and I prioritise rest and self care more than I’ve ever done before, so in many ways I’m much happier than in my 20s. I’ve also made it to an age which several of my peers haven’t reached, which makes me genuinely grateful for every birthday, rather than bemoaning my greys and wrinkles (though I don’t exactly love those, not gonna lie!) I think it is very normal to miss youth sometimes but pointless to dwell on it too much. It’s very true that youth is wasted on the young!

I read a scientific article yesterday about how much ageing well is a lot to do with mindset and perception of how old you are.

@ForeverDelayedEpiphany I'd love to read this if you happen to have a link?

OP I get this feeling from time to time but now that I am late forties it's definitely past its peak. I have a weird kind of acceptance now that my life won't last forever and it's making me value the time I do have more than I ever did when time seemed a bit more unlimited.

I was 40 last year and felt pretty much the same! Keep joking it’s a mid life crisis but coupled with my kids being a bit older if’s really hit me hard and 20 years ago i was young & in love with a decent career ahead of me when i graduated. We could travel and have nice meals out when we wanted and then life happened. I got married at 24 and had chileren soon after (both by choice) and was a sahm for 10 years and i feel like i completely lost not just my youth but myself, the husband i once couldn’t imagine living without i barely tolerate and everything felt wrong.

i’m making an effort to get back not my youth but myself. Hair cut, new cloths, started wearing make up again, going back to the gym, saying yes to coffee dates and joined a book group and a walking group lol and now slowly trying to get a job and get back out there. I don’t know what will happen in my marriage but i feel having been working on myself i’m slowly gaining back some of the confidence i’ve lost from “just” being a wife / mum. I’ll think i’ll always miss the party days but i think it’s just the adjustments to the next stage of my life

Recently turned 50 having had a cancer diagnosis at 48. (And this is after a horrible and premature menopause too. Indeed, most of my 40s was plagued by ill health). Not only have I now outlived my mother, am also the first in my family to not die of cancer within six months of being diagnosed, so tbh, am thrilled that and see each and every day as a gift. Despite premature menopause, breast cancer, and a double mastectomy, am so much happier now.

Life is precious and far too short to be worrying about being old, and besides, 40 is not old. I will even go as far as to say it is still young and you have more than enough time to do many many things. Instead of bemoaning things and feeling old in a thread on Mumsnet, spend the time thinking about positive changes to make and start doing them.

My mantra is to always live in the now. When I look back at my youth it's with pride rather than grief. I don't want to waste precious years mourning my youth because life has thrown some dodgy lemons at me so appreciating the present is key cause life can change pretty fast.

I think this is the one - if not, there's another - hold on... 🤔 Article link

Here's the other good article 👏🏻