Loss of youth… will this feeling pass?

[Lejagf]

Recently I’ve been really struggling with feeling life is passing me by and my youth has gone.

I know I’m not old but I am approaching 40 and it’s fair to say that’s not young either.

I miss the feeling of the world being at my feet…opportunities everywhere, second chances, room for mistakes, a world bursting with new people to meet, having lots of energy and not caring about lack of sleep… and a slender body that didn’t feel the effects of eating a greasy burger 😂

Suddenly I feel the impact of no exercise, of not eating well, of being too tired. I realise there’s things to look forward to but they don’t compare to the excitement of the first time you kiss someone, drive a car, start a degree, have a baby… so many amazing things. I’m now a mum and I’m in the slog and I feel like I’m grieving my youth. I think back to carefree days as a young twenty something and long to be in that moment one more time. I know it’s rose tinted glasses and I know there’s so many great things now, better things even. But I still grieve my youth. Will this feeling pass?!

Sorry, hope the link above worked!

The feeling should pass, it really depends on how you choose to look at it. Personally, I absolutely love being in my 40s. I've gained so much confidence and wisdom that I only wish I'd had earlier in life.
Yes, my body has changed. Maybe I don't look as good or maybe I do, I am just different. Honestly, I don't care. Things like alcohol and burgers have become occasional treats that I no longer crave.
I still have young kids, so there’s a lot to look forward to as I experience life with them. I also find that a bit of meditation and regular exercise goes a long way in keeping me grounded and feeling good.

I like the first post. Spiritual practice, yoga and a cleaner diet will definitely make you feel better. It took me a few years to overcome that feeling but I have accepted my new era and I’m enjoying it. I still feel young and look good but I know what you mean abut the loss (you describe it well)
There’s also freedom in being in your 40s and not caring so much about what people think

41 here and feel dreadful pangs of sadness about my lost youth. I didn’t expect life to go by so fast and it has been quite alarming.

I'm creeping up on 40 and feel the same. The last few years in particular have just sped by. I feel like I am/should still be 30.

Im 48, peri-menopausal and happier and fitter now than my 40's/early 40's. I hit 40 and really started taking care of myself. I prioritise my sleep, exercise, nutrition, skin care and being outside. It really makes a massive difference. I've had a lot of friends that have passed away over the years and I feel so privileged to be fit and healthy. I'm at the age where I couldn't care less what other people think and I dont waste time doing things or seeing people that I dont want to. The kids are older which means hubby and I can spend more time with each other too. If you approach life negatively you will always feel disillusioned.

Suppose it’s about perspective, I’m 41 now, was dreading turning 40 and someone said to me when you are 50 you will wish you were 40 again and that has stuck with me. When I think about it my 40’s are actually good, my kids are now 16 and 14, I have more freedom both due to their age and being in a much better financial position, I’m able to go out more and go on holidays more and generally enjoy life and I’m grateful for my 40s for that.

I'm 39 and feel the same. The last 15 years have gone by in the blink of an eye. I miss my youth, the limitless energy, looking good without having to make any effort, wondering what life had in store for me and feeling like I had the potential to do anything I wanted. I can't quite believe I'm not young anymore.

I feel the same, going to be 43 in November, two young kids, one with severe SEN and it feels never ending. My mum's got dementia in a care home, my dad struggles, we don't get a lot of childcare, there's been a lot of bereavement, I've lost my sister, my friend, colleagues I was close to, my father in law suddenly just after our wedding and now mil has cancer.

I feel like my 40s it's like the shit has hit the fan. Although I lost my sister to cancer when we were in our 20s so I suppose I had to grow up pretty fast even back in the days I have rose tinted glasses for. My 30s were much better; met my now husband, started to let time heal my grief for my sister, my friends rallied round, lots of weddings, kids being born, holidays etc.

I had an operation a few years ago and my knee still aches constantly and I feel like that's going to cause problems in future. Plus I have menopause and all that to look forward to! Fun!!!

Anyway, it's like the midway point in life, the second act like they have in films, there's always a dip then things pick back up again. I'm hoping anyway.

As @Candleinalantern says, perspective is all. It's when bits of your life happen. My 40s and 50s is when I did most of my travelling to exciting places.

At 40 I had my first and only child and the whole world felt re-energised. For background I was in good shape physically and health wise. At a little over 50 we moved to Australia (in privileged circumstances) and again I felt renewed, took on work and responsibility. 60 was fine, though my DH died then.

It was only the approach of 70 that pissed me off royally. Not health, though I have well-managed non-threatening ailments, just less time on the planet.

Looking back at what I've written, health is key. Some stuff you can't fight, but generally keeping in shape is so important. Think glutes. I've never felt the loss of youth, more the odds as I go on.

Oh. Take pics right now. You'll be amazed at how good you look, @Lejagf

You can experience the firsts through yoyr children's eyes. Plus I'm always meeting new people, no matter what age I am. And going new places and doing new things.

I'm 41, caught in-between aging parents who need care of some sort and kids who need us.

It's hard. But will pass. Seems to be the time of life where you need to be peak 'adult.'

I read this post, anticipating some dismissive replies along the lines of “pull your socks up and count your blessings”. I was delighted to find so many helpful, supportive and empathetic posts!
I will be 70 soon, and I admit it preys on my mind a little, as I shall have exceeded my three score years and ten and I’m nowhere near ready to go yet. I see this last stage of life as peaceful acceptance and making sure that my family remembers me as a decent human being who loved them.
You have so much life left, and maybe adventures you can’t even dream of yet.
My forties were a difficult time, in fact, partly for reasons PP have described and due to some poor choices I made. But by the time I was fifty my life had opened up and I worked in a job that was so rewarding and amazing (and totally absorbing) that I couldn’t believe it. I looked after myself better, ate healthily, exercised (including yoga) and eventually got my own allotment. All a bit homespun sounding I know, but all this has meant that through to my late sixties I’ve stayed fit, active and usually happy - I’m now meditating frequently, spend a lot of time outside and although life can still be challenging when children or grandchildren are struggling - I also look after my mum who has dementia- I feel very fortunate.
You do have to activity look for opportunities to feel good about yourself. Choosing friends wisely is a big thing.
Each stage of life has its own struggles and I do think the forties are a time of major adjustment. It’s hard, I feel for you and think you were brave to post here!
Everyone is different but if I were to give my younger self advice, I would be saying focus on your health, spending time outdoors, yoga (the women who attend the yoga classes I go to, many older than me, look really amazing and are fun and interesting). Try meditation if that calls to you - it can be very grounding and settling. Help others when you can. Breathe!
I wish you well and thank you so much for posting here. The responses you’ve received have restored my faith in human nature (or at least Mumsnet!) x

I’m 46 and feeling a bit the same. You get to this age and realise you can’t take your health for granted, get tired more easily and are also dealing with ageing parents possibly as well as like me parenting a young child as well and holding down a full time job, it’s exhausting.
I sing in a choir and get so much hope from the ladies there. I’d say most of them are a good bit older than me, maybe in their sixties, and wow some of them are damn attractive, busy, full of energy, happy, not giving a shit what people think, full of life people. I wonder if once the menopause crap is over with, the kids have actually flown the nest and you’re retired everything becomes a bit lighter again, more like when you were in your 20’s. I know they will still have their worries about ageing and health and all that but I don’t know I just admire them so much and it makes me less afraid of that stage in life.

@echt your post made me feel emotional.

It’s the ‘running out of time’ that hits harde for me.

We can only hope that we get the privilege of living to an old age with few physical or neurological struggles.

40s were great!

I had so much fun. Recently divorced and, tbh, I did feel I had the world at my feet!

New friends, new hobbies, new opportunities...

I'm 51 now. One of my children has left home permanently, and the other is living between here and university. I'm settled with a partner and life is jsit entering a different phase. Not better. Not worse. Just different.

It really is a mindset thing.

50sand 60s are just fantastic if you have your health. Look after it now as an investment for later.

I won’t lie to you - the issue of aged parents is sure to feature, but again, if you try to plan a bit for this (as far as you can) that helps. By this I mean - if you have siblings you’re on good terms with, broach the subject- not just yet, but in a decade or so.

I’m 72 and I’d love my younger body back but that’s about it. In my head I’m still essentially the same person I was 50 years ago. I’m a little sad that there’s relatively little time left and so much of my bucket list still unticked but I guess everyone runs out of time.

I think if you start looking after yourself better in your 40s you can potentially feel fantastic - relatively speaking you are young, the aging part will start to kick in a bit later in your 50s (although I know everyone is different). For me post menopause is the time that age seems to creep up quickly - I look back at my 40s and think I had so much energy, physical strength, looked pretty good, knew more about everything than I did in my 30s 🤣

Like a pp I was divorced in my early 40s and had a second teenager hood - it was great!

I’m much older than you, and no it doesn’t go away; it only gets worse.
I’m regularly brought to tears by a song on the radio that transports me to my youth and I miss it so much despite having a very happy and fortunate life and lifestyle now.

Hey, completely understand. My tip is to get a smart weighing scale to help understand your body data. The app connects to the scale and gives alot of helpful tips, based on the data. We should be exercising 2-3 times a week ideally. Maybe we can motivate each other on here? I recently put on a few extra kilos myself. I’m moving less and using too much oil for cooking etc. My partner’s grandmother is 102, there is a long life ahead, who knows how long we will stay alive after retirement. A healthy long life with exercise is essential, even if we forgot to prioritise it. Some classes at local authority gyms can be great and not expensive as a monthly payment of around £20 ish. I’m Coventry, West Midlands based and getting used to Kettkebelks class once a week. Lifting some weights with expert tips can be beneficial. Hope it helps.

Yanbu to feel like this, I felt similar in my thirties, married, DC, mortgage, felt my carefree life had disappeared and I'd done all major life changes, was a proper grown up.
Life changes happen rapidly in 20s and 30s making it feel you are moving forward , things can slow down a bit in 40s, youve got more responsibilities and it can feel like you're treading water.
For me the aging process really sped up around menopause so, if you can, my advice is to get on your best shape now, weight is very hard to shift at 50+.
However the plus side of 50s is DC are late teens/early 20s and are more settled so need a lot less of my time. Although obv they still need support and parenting, but I have more freedom now.
Remember you will never be as young again as you are today so make the most of it!