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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that a minimalist home means the person has minimal emotional baggage and unresolved issues, so they don’t need lots of stuff with emotional attachments?

147 replies

WryJadeWren · 20/08/2025 21:08

Inspired by the other thread…

I believe a minimalist living space reflects someone with a clear mind and emotional clarity, someone who’s worked through their issues and doesn’t feel the need to hold on to material possessions for sentimental reasons. On the other hand, people who live in clutter or are hoarders are often holding onto things because of unresolved emotions or relationships. They tie meaning to their possessions as a way of keeping hold of the past and often struggle with letting go due to emotional or mental exhaustion. It seems like clutter is more about emotional baggage than about a lack of meaningful connections.

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 20/08/2025 23:41

YABU. Minimalist people may show psychological inflexibility by being unable to tolerate a bit of mess or clutter. They may be perfectionists which on the whole is not a healthy way to be.

LillyPJ · 20/08/2025 23:44

My house is fairly uncluttered but I think that's probably because I do have some issues and want to be in control.

SabrinaThwaite · 20/08/2025 23:45

I think it just symbolises somebody that hates dusting.

I really, really hate dusting.

UhhhhhhhOK · 20/08/2025 23:47

Practical reasons - sick of cleaning so less to worry about. Contents insurance would be cheaper too right?

LemondrizzleShark · 20/08/2025 23:48

Some of this is about your house as well! When there were 3 of us in a two bedroom flat, there was clutter everywhere. Move to a three bedroom house which is almost 50% bigger, and we have no clutter (well DS has a load of toys on his bedroom floor, but that aside…). Because there are places to put things away. We have just as much stuff.

PracticallyPeapod · 20/08/2025 23:50

WryJadeWren · 20/08/2025 21:36

I hadn’t considered that angle. I suppose minimalism could also reflect emotional detachment rather than clarify, depending on the person. It’s interesting how both clutter and minimalism can be linked to unresolved stuff, just in opposite directions.

Both are controlling their environment in extreme ways - one by not allowing anything into the home; the other by refusing to allow anything to leave.

Handeyethingyowl · 20/08/2025 23:55

Ohlifelife · 20/08/2025 22:44

I was born in the 1950s. We weren't poverty stricken but we didn't have much money to spare. So we were brought up as my parents had been , not to throw stuff away " because it might come in useful".

And similarly we treasured any thing nice that we were given or the family bought because it was special to us.

And the habits of my childhood have stayed with me to a great extent.So I have a lot of stuff. It's either useful, potentially useful, or it's treasured.

But I'm also very meticulous about tidiness and everything in it's place.

I respect other people's taste and right to live in a minimalist home. But I find such environments boring and characterless.

My parents were like this and I am too, so I’ve inherited the trait from them (along with a lot of their stuff!). The minimalist I know in the family has an anxiety disorder. Others I know just like things tidy.

SaladAndChipsForTea · 21/08/2025 00:00

Disagree. I am fairly minimal but have sentimental stuff, mostly from childhood.

I only have, and only buy, the minimum of practical needs. I have 3 duvet covers: one on the bed, one in the wash, one spare. Similar set up for towels, clothing, food. I don't hoard stuff.

I don't buy pretty bedding or towels on a whim. Every so often I replace all towels at once as they are all equally used and they go to the local animal charity and I get a completely new, neutral set in one colour that matches all bathrooms. No autumn/winter/themed stuff. Classic. Quality.

That means I have space to store my childhood stuff sensibly and access it to bring out and decorate the house. I wear the nice jewellery, use the posh cutlery daily. Nothing is saved for best. If I don't enjoy it, it won't won't sentimental to the next generation.

So I'm sentimental but minimal.

ArticWillow · 21/08/2025 00:11

We are conditioned to associate material possessions with happiness. It starts when we are children, think birthday, Christmas, gift shops at attractions, the collectable plastic tat that often comes free with something else, ...
So yes, possessions can remind us of a moment in time when we were happy.

CrispieCake · 21/08/2025 00:22

When we moved into our current house, we didn't have children. Our neighbours had young kids, though, and had a lot of crap in their garden. Not just the usual kids toys - slide, sandpit - which I could understand, but things like coloured plastic mixing bowls, colanders, plastic jugs, old pieces of guttering and pipes, buckets, mesh boxes and seemingly hundreds of balls of different shapes and sizes. And cars, trucks, all sorts of plastic vehicles. It was a real eyesore. I looked smugly at our lovely neat garden with newly laid turf, a tidy patio in the corner and our patio furniture arranged parallel to the back door.

Now their kids are older and their garden is neat and tidy and they've passed most of their junk over the fence to us, so it's our garden which is the eyesore - upside-down chairs, trip hazards galore, cars, balls, bowls, kitchen implements, pipes and guttering everywhere. And the mixing bowls are still going strong - one has been used to grow salad leaves this year, and the others are being used for various potions and other concoctions. One has fairies living in it. One fairy has lost an arm and we think was chewed by a squirrel.

I look at the neighbours' garden and it gives me hope for a tidy future! But in the meantime I've resigned myself to the kids being in control of our space. I can vaguely remember a time when there wasn't a heap of junk in every room.

TheGreatWesternShrew · 21/08/2025 00:23

Or perhaps they’re so emotionally traumatised that they’ve detached from everything including relationships and things and live an empty cold life.

Whereas the cluttered house owner is happy with who they are and love the jog and fun their items bring them.

Honestly OP I don’t think we can read that much into interior design and mess

TheGreatWesternShrew · 21/08/2025 00:23

Or perhaps they’re so emotionally traumatised that they’ve detached from everything including relationships and things and live an empty cold life.

Whereas the cluttered house owner is happy with who they are and love the jog and fun their items bring them.

Honestly OP I don’t think we can read that much into interior design and mess

VoltaireMittyDream · 21/08/2025 00:25

My SIL has a minimalist home (entirely furnished by an interior designer and maintained by a housekeeper and an army of cleaners).

SIL has raging OCD and a nasty temper, has been on antipsychotic medication for years and can’t be around her own children because they trigger her by not being 100% within her control at all times.

I’d call that baggage.

Waitingfordoggo · 21/08/2025 00:38

It’s so interesting how many others have mentioned anxiety in relation to extreme minimalism. I have been anxious all my life to varying degrees- I also believe I have ADHD. My need to control my living environment often feels like a response to a lack of control in other areas of life. There is so much about life and the world that worries me and I can’t control any of it, but I can control my immediate environment. In the past I have had eating disorders which I also believe were a response to trying to function in a world that often feels out of control and unpredictable.

DarklingIlisten · 21/08/2025 01:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

TwinklyNight · 21/08/2025 02:19

Dust allergy?

BlueEyedBogWitch · 21/08/2025 02:29

The two people I know with spotless houses each have more issues than Vogue. Everything looks perfect on the surface, but chaos lurks within - it’s as if their homes match their personalities.

One keeps a show home because it’s what she thinks the world judges her on, and it’s one of the only things she can reliably control.

The other is desperately trying to present a perfect image to the world to hide the fact that her life is an emotional shitshow.

I think a clean but lived-in home, with evidence of daily living, the owners’ interests and the odd bit of dog hair is much more emotionally healthy. Stark and minimalist can be the flip side to hoarding - just another way the psyche demonstrates itself.

99bottlesofkombucha · 21/08/2025 03:29

I enjoy having things I like around, it makes me happy. I like a beautiful garden too, which is inherently a bit messy. I am one of the types mentioned above- successful at work, a bit chaotic at home. My grandpa said empty desk, empty mind, and that’s what I think about your minimalist house too 😁 After all, if it doesn’t have books I’m not sure it’s even really a home.

frozendaisy · 21/08/2025 03:38

Messy desks are a sign of genius apparently!

Or minimalist clear houses are because someone is uptight and a control freak - everything has to be in order no room for spontaneity - tedious and boring no imagination or colour

you can spin things however you like pseudo social media analysis is bollocks

frozendaisy · 21/08/2025 03:44

Or they have no kids
because I can assure you kids who you tend to have strong emotional ties with, actually you could say are quite successful at emotional ties if you have a happy functional marriage with a couple of happy inquisitive kids - well those children don’t do minimalism

look at Marie Kongo - oh she of minimal socks we give thanks for - she’s got kids now and oh how the nightly have tumbled - all of a sudden naval gazing at underwear drawers seems less important all of a sudden - who would’ve thought

SadTimesInFife · 21/08/2025 03:51

William Morris and Marie Kondo summarise my approach, however....there is a strange feeling of freedom? Simplicity? ...in a hotel room.

frozendaisy · 21/08/2025 03:58

documentaries about the blue zone crew, with lots of social interaction- friends round - busy kitchens - social physical get togethers - minimal hang ups

not a minimalist house between them

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 21/08/2025 04:03

I think a lot minimalism is about current trends and fashion and awful virtue signalling.

I personally find this trend to be soul less

Also Minimalism can hide a lot of hidden and undeclared OCD behaviour. Which is difficult to change

But each to their own.

MirandaBlu · 21/08/2025 04:22

I think "minimalist" just describes someone who by conviction and/or practice keeps their accumulation of material objects low. It doesn't necessarily mean that they don't consume and spend money (even unnecessarily) on other things. And being or not being minimal(ist) is neither inherently a virtue nor a vice.

Personally, I've developed a practice of minimalism because for most of my life I've been moving around internationally every few year; it became an expectation that something I owned was mine for now only; I'd give it up when I had to triage to get on a plane to the next place. I still sometimes sought out and treasured material things, but they'd always be something small: a piece of jewelry, a silk scarf, the tiniest functional (and so usually the most modern and expensive) electronics.

Just as an example of how minimalism may not be a reflection of good mental health: my grandparents were involuntary minimalists in practice in later life; they'd lost everything in Nazi-occupied Poland and even once they were in a safe place (UK) and had some ability to accumulate again, they never wanted to be in a position where they even MIGHT be forced to give up their resources to benefit a hated adversary. There are a lot of psychological complications and considerations that figure in to ANY relationship with material objects in late capitalism, I guess.

abracadabra1980 · 21/08/2025 04:31

Interesting topic. I make ‘piles’ of things, but it’s purely down to bad memory rather than hoarding. And I feel SO much better with a tidy home. I’ve just moved and the clutter and mess is doing my head in so much I’m hiding in my one clutter free room a lot - my bedroom 😁

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