Autistic child question- I’m worried

[dogsflying]

So my 7 and a half year old son is autistic. summer holidays we’ve been out lots (with younger sibling who is NT and aged 5) to various day trips etc. some he shows enjoyment but others not. My issue is at home he LOVES the Xbox and won’t really engage in much else no matter how hard I try. So it’s like he associates Xbox with home as when we were on holiday recently there was no Xbox and he coped fine. When we go to soft plays or parks or swimming he’s fine but some places like museums castles etc he’s not as interested.

it’s kinda like xbox is his special interest that I hear many autistic people have. I’m just worried it’s a bad thing? I can’t hide it as my husband uses it in the evening although I did hide the controller today when we got home and he was sad but watched tv instead. My husband isn’t worried as he said he himself grew up watching /playing Xbox games or similar, it’s just our son is about 3 years behind I think. He’s 7 and a half and can’t write his name, don’t think he can read unless in his head by sight but can’t read out loud and is speech delayed although getting there
any thoughts or advice welcome

I am also a parent of an ASD child. I think you’re doing a great job keeping it balanced. You’re taking him out and giving him experiences, and I think it’s fine to allow him to use the Xbox at home if it brings him comfort and joy. You could set time limits if you are concerned. My DD was absolutely obsessed with the iPad for a good while, then she moved onto the next fascination! It’s a wonderful whirlwind!

I’m also a parent of a child with ASD and ADHD. Just keep it balanced. Don’t stop it but also have a time limit if you’re concerned. We also have the rule of learning needs doing before screen time as development delays here too. Sounds like you’ve managed to have a good summer that’s been balanced for both children. Hope you enjoy the rest of it

My son is also ASD and of similar age - he is also obsessed with the PlayStation such as watching it switch on and pressing the buttons on the console. I think it’s good because you’ll be able to use it as a bargaining tool (lol this is what we do) and I think it also encourages concentration and coordination (and my son struggles in these departments) - maybe I’m being really naive! 🤣🤣

I used to tell dc that dad took the controller to work.
If your worried perhaps agree to time each weekend or half an hour when dad gets home each night

i can do as suggested but then he just watches tv instead so it’s still screen time either way

My stepson is 8, and autistic. He’s absolutely iPad obsessed.

We’ve had to start limiting his time on it as what was useful for helping him regulate and calm down, now absolutely winds him up at times. 10pm (way past bedtime) last week he’s stimming and telling us to stomp our feet because If You’re Happy and You Know It was on. We were not happy, we did not know it, time for the iPad to go.

He’s now got it with a time cut off when it’s finished and put away. Still really useful for learning, he gets a lot of language and numbers etc from it, but it was becoming obsessive.

I have a 6 1/2 year old girl. They suspect autism and ADHD. she loves switch (to play) and youtube ( to watch other people play). It's fine. It's the world me live in. They have yo know how to work a computer, phone, console ect. However, you need to limit the time. Mine earn time.

They have to

Get dressed
Teeth brushed
Beds made
Toys put away
Read 20 minutes
Homework 20 minutes
Creative play 20 minutes
Outside play 30 mintes (mine will play out longer)

Then they will get an hour to play.

No screens after 6

like I said if it’s hidden he just wants the tv instead despite having toys etc

Tantrums/ meltdowns are terrible if she has more time or gets off late. They can last several hours.

Ours doesn’t play with toys either. Not often.

The only way we can get him away from screens is by actively being sat there engaging with him, 1:1.

During the day it’s physical play. After bath, wind down for bed with either music or a book he’s not really interested in.

Left unattended, he’d be on his iPad.

We have a WiFi plug for our TV so the TV only turns on at certain times. It's generally not then an argument with us as it's pre-determined and we're not 'in charge'. Clearly we could turn it on if we wanted, but we leave it as is and it makes life a lot easier.

Do people think it’s bad on screens if doing a wide range of activities in holidays and weekends?

We have the parameter of you have X amount of screen time and you can choose how you use it. Therefore that would mean tv, Xbox and any other devices fall under that time. Screens aren’t all bad, just set limitations.

I found the reading eggs app super useful for helping to learn to read. We also do the daily 10 for maths basics

He can earn fun screen time via learning from a screen if that’s how he engages best

Yep 10yr old DD is obsessed with (and I do mean obsessed) her iPad. I do absolutely everything I can to get her off it but like you said, OP, it’s like it’s her special interest

Word of advice from another ASD parent, don't worry about what other people think. You sound like an amazing mum to me. It's great they you are doing a wide range of activities and you use whatever you can and whatever keeps the peace, the rest of the time.
I used to worry about mine spending too much time on screens, but they both earn over £50k in their early 20s now as AI specialists. It's actually an ideal career choice for lots of autistic people.

You do whatever works love.

"it’s kinda like xbox is his special interest that I hear many autistic people have. I’m just worried it’s a bad thing? I can’t hide it as my husband uses it in the evening although I did hide the controller today when we got home and he was sad but watched tv instead."

It may not be a special interest, but a safe-feeling replacement for social interaction - even if he's not playing online, the gameplay can be a predictable analogue for it. There is, of course, also the escapism aspect...a world where he's not as vulnerable.

Limiting time might be a good idea, but perhaps not as limited as you would if he was NT. If you do decide to go down that route, I'd (personally) recommend being up-front about the limits and giving him a reminder half an hour before his time's up; predictability and the ability to plan ahead will, to some degree, likely hold off any negative feelings he has about it. At least, that's what I wanted when I was young; instead, I got the arbitrary-seeming "Right, that's enough now, I'm switching it off", which...well, looking back, it never felt like a positive ;)

Maybe try to harness his interest and get him into programming a raspberry pi and Lego mindstorms 🙂

Coming back to this thread I started a while ago and thanks for all the replies and sorry for my delay in responding. I do agree I have a good balance of going out doing stuff etc, but let’s say for example it’s torrential rain, it’s the weekend and I don’t drive. Then we have no choice really but to stay home. He will literally play Xbox all day and have an utter meltdown if I turn it off and will cry for ages which is horrible to see. Especially as he isn’t yet able to fully verbalise why he’s so upset. I know days like this are rare but coming up to winter etc we will feel less inclined to go out as much and despite all the toys at home, he just wants xbox

so I guess my question is, do I just put up with it for now until conversational speech improves (it’s work in progress atm), and then it’ll be easier to rationalise with him (hopefully)

As others have said, keep it balanced. Time limits are great - I tend to be strict about starting, less so about finishing because sometimes things need to be finished or saved. It’s good to have something that follows screen time (not necessarily a reward, just something routine and low demand to make the transition)

There can be a lot of value in screen play and for autistic kids it’s often a chance to do something they’re good at, that follows rules, and when you fail you can try again, and again without the penalties of other games. That teaches grit and persistence.

Boys of a lot of socialising online through the tweens and teens and it can help scaffold relationships and skills build social currency.

I’d suggest trying to get him doing a solo sport - that doesn’t have to mean solitary, but things like running, or gymnastics (with caution) where they aren’t competing and cooperating as much. But it gets him outdoors,

Thanks although it’s hard to talk to him about these things and what he wants etc cos of the speech delay

No, it’s all in moderation. Those who do judge have a different parenting experience to you and even if they have neurodivergent children, that doesn’t mean they have the same needs or household set up that you do.

Meant to add - it can be easier to use an external control for the limits. The controller could be in a box locked with a time lock, or the WiFi could be on a timer. If it switches off automatically, you’ll need a warning system - maybe a visual timer, or a light that changes colour so he knows to save progress.

I don’t know why but ds didn’t get upset at clocks, and alarms the way he would at me if I was the one in charge.

It can also help to make it explict that he will definitely get to play again, the next day. Sometimes autistic dc don’t trust that the next time is coming, or if they think that they cause screen time to happen by crying/begging/screaming/pointing it can be exhausting just thinking of having to do that all over again. Maybe that’s part of what makes clocks and timers easier? The cause/effect is clearer and predictable.

In this case I would have "screen time" limits so that would include all screens. Whatever you decide I would stick to it because then the rules are hard and fast and there's no bending them. Say you decide it goes off at 6 on school nights, don't then let him one night because he's been good or whatever because then it'll cause hell for the next night.

Also just because he wants TV doesn't mean you have to say yes to it

We have a switch which is DS (10) special interest. He’s allowed it for an hour a day at 6pm. He thrives on routine so accepts that on a weekend and holidays he does a bit more. I suspect when he hits teens it will be harder but it works for now

@FuzzyWolfthe thing is tho he goes out but then the minute he walks in the door he wants Xbox