MIL judging our kitchen

[ML5]

Was at work today & DH Works from Home. MIL passes by while DH is middle of working and goes straight to kitchen and starts complaining to DH what a state kitchen is & we need a new kitchen. We are wanting to do our house up so garage conversion, kitchen, bathroom & decorating etc, so DH explained this to her but she proceeded to continue saying we should do Kitchen before Conversion so DH ended up having a go at her twice.
AIBU to think this was very rude of her to do/judge us in this way & AIBU to mention something or leave to my DH to mention again if she does

She was rude, but it sounds like DH dealt with it perfectly well on his own.

So she was basically saying that your kitchen needs modernising. Hardly worth getting all upset about. She's family, not a stranger walking in off the street. Would it have insulted you so much if your mum had said ?

You say your DH ended up having a go at her twice, what else do you think he should do/say?

She was disparate about your home.
Your DH pulled her up on it.

Leave it for him to deal with if she does it again.

Yes I did and I will but was at work when this happened and just feel she was judging

She was interfering, ignorant and rude so you and your DH are right to tell her to mind her own business.

If she finds your kitchen so unacceptable, she won't feel the need to visit again, will she? Hopefully !!

Ask her to pay for a new kitchen if it’s bothering her so much.

I doubt she’ll bring it up again

Maybe she feels comfortable around her son to tell him her honest opinion? My mum would feel that comfortable around me, and if I felt the kitchen needing upgrading I would probably agree with her, and say it was a shame we couldn’t afford to do it right now.

However, if my husband then brought up the private conversation to my mother and accused her of being rude , I would think that was very rude of him (as would my mother!).

Should I say something indirectly to her or just leave it

Do you think your kitchen is crap? Mine is shit, we’re getting it ripped out next month when we start our renovation.

I mean, you are changing it. She might not slate it if you weren’t.

MIL will often take the piss out of the cupboard doors that are on the wonk - I laugh along

To be fair though, mine can say what she likes as she very kindly gave us 3k towards the work.

Life is really fucking short. Someone saying your kitchen, that you are going to change, is a state isn’t worth all this angst.

Have you tried, just seeing her judgement and then ignoring it?
So what if she judges you, you can judge her right back!

DH dealt with it. 'nuff said.

Why did she come round when he was wfh? Really rude of him.

Your DH has dealt with it! Why would you say anything?

Send her round here she will probably think your kitchen is fit for a queen then we can take it!

No don't say anything or give it a moment's thought, if her life revolves around judging kitchens then well, she clearly hasn't got enough to do or missed the lesson on if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.

Oh goodness, just leave it be.

Keep out of it entirely. You weren't there, it wasn't a conversation about you, and your DH is a grown man who can (and did) deal with his mother.

Depending on the relationship the initial comment might have been fine - someone that close saying I think the kitchen really needs modernizing (which is sounds like you actually agree with btw) and you should make that a priority is normal in a lot of families. Our your DH may be sick of dealing with constant criticism and not interested in more so he responded strongly. Either way she should have dropped it right after her DS made it clear that the opinion wasn't welcome.

Again, there is no scenario here where you should do anything but listen to your DH vent and validate his feelings about it. Stay out.

You sound determined to start a family rift tbh.
Your husband sounds like he enjoys playing you both off against each other as well, he had no need to mention it so what is he getting out of it?

He handled his mom's judgey bitching. Your input isn't needed.

If she does it again, he needs to tell her she can stop visiting until her bitching about someone else's house stops.

She’s not judging you as a human being. She’s judging your kitchen as past its best, and you agree. I don’t see the issue. It’s a bit interfering that she would press her opinion when dh disagreed how to approach the updates but meh who cares.

Ignore her. Dh dealt with it.
In the 20th century a good kitchen had a hand water pump and a floor trough to swish cleaning water away.

My mum is like this, so I had to start deliberately misinterpreting her comments as an offer to help/pay. (So "Your dishes are piling up, the state of your kitchen isn't good enough" would be met with "Thanks mum, that would be amazing. I'll put a wash on while you do the dishes", and "Your windows are rotten, you can't manage another winter like that" would be answered with "Thank you so much! Do you want to choose the design? Since you're paying, it seems only fair!"). Obviously she never did either help or pay, but the look of horror on her face was pure gold!

Honestly, I'd file that under everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Send her this way OP. She will soon forget all about your kitchen! 🤣