To think that those who clutter their homes with things instead of focusing on experiences and connections are compensating for something?

[BeTaupeLeader]

I feel like people who accumulate tons of stuff may be filling a void or trying to make up for something that’s lacking in their life, whether it’s meaningful relationships or personal fulfilment. Experiences and connections are what truly enrich our lives, so why focus on things?

When you grow up with nothing (cardboard insoles to cover the holes in your 1 pair of shoes type nothing), stuff can be a comfort.

It’s not about ditching a passion or spreading yourself thin. If horses or decor or tech gear genuinely light someone up, that’s beautiful. My point was about when the pursuit or accumulation of stuff becomes a substitute for connection, not a compliment to it. Some people do pour everything into material things because connection feels too risky or unfamiliar. That doesn’t mean everyone with a big hobby or lovely home is doing that. But it’s worth reflecting on, especially if we catch ourselves filling emotional gaps with stuff. That’s all I meant.

Alternatively, people who need to be out and about all the time, doing the latest hobby, seeing the latest show, going wherever they can have no internal life and can’t bear their own company.

DM would go to the opening of a paper bag. She can’t sit still, or listen to someone else speak. She has no internal reflection at all.

Mind her house is also stuffed with junk that’s apparently very valuable and can’t be binned or donated, but only sold.

So some people fall into both problematic camps at the same time!

People are odd. Full stop.

Have you tried to read OP’s posts? It’s even harder. I’m still in the dark if she is talking about people who like having jeans different colours or lots of candles around the house or duvets of different togs or every new gadget available. Or is it about my neighbours who’s got 3 cars on their drive?

Not sure why if you like something then it must be because you are "compensating" for lack of something else.

I think in using the word "compensating" you are being judgemental, as if to say there is some sort of deficiency in their lives in one area that they are trying to make up for with another.

For example a person does not have a family. That allows them to do more sport.

It sounds like you believe they may do more sport because they want a family but can't have one. And therefore have more time to do sport. Hence the sport "compensating" for lack of a family.

Whereas to me there is an equal possibility that they don't want a family in the first place and do more sport because they love doing sport.

I wouldn't make the assumption of one or the other.

Does it make you feel good to emotionally detach and judge me op? What do you get from it? What is missing in your life that you need to start nasty threads on forums judging others?

I suppose "having experiences" is what we used to call going out, or going on holiday? Like "making connections" is the same as having a chat?

Just a load of pseudo word wank if you ask me.

What a ludicrous opinion. People have different preferences about how they organise their homes ffs. It doesn’t say that much about mental or spiritual health (unless they are actually hoarders etc). Don’t be daft.

@BeTaupeLeader

"where material accumulation becomes the primary source of fulfilment, sometimes to the exclusion of connection or reflection"

How can anyone possibly measure this though about someone else - a stranger a family member? How do we know how someone else is primarily fulfilled? Unless they recognise this in themselves or say so specifically then surely we would be merely judging or making assumptions?

Exactly. I don't even know anyone who talks like that.

MN does generate those sorts of usernames for new users if they don't want to pick their own. But it doesn't mean the post isn't real.

1. I like things.
2. I find holdays boring.
3. YAB totally U
4. Shopping and buying at auction are "experiences".

HTH.

Well, it is a huge coincidence that a series of posters with this exact type of username keep posting strikingly similarly phrased goady posts this last month or two..

I keep my dad’s engineer’s desk and my mum’s sewing-machine because these things bring back the essence of the people they were in a way that a photo or memory cannot.

These things mean very little to younger members of the family and you’d probably think they’re a pointless waste of space, but they represent childhood and security to me, and it’s too easy to forget the comfort of that feeling.

edited-posted too soon

There are no other posts by BeTaupeLeader other than on this thread.

I don't think too many people fall into the category you're talking about. There have always been hoarders and shopaholics (in the true sense of the word), but it's already a well established fact that those people have mental health issues/other problems. I know that I filled a void after my husband suddenly died by wandering around my local Mall buying clothes I didn't need or even want. Prior to that I'd always hated shopping but it was a distraction and something to fill the time I would previously have spent with him. I was lost and traumatised. Fortunately the compulsion only lasted a few months. There are probably lots of people who, like me, are filling a void and for whom finding "connections" (what does that actually mean?) or going hang gliding over the Amazon Rainforest isn't an option. Other than the examples I've given above, could you explain the type of scenario you're talking about.

Some people value possessions and “things” more. Some people attach greater value to experiences and memories.

No one is wrong.

Ridiculous question!
So what if they're compensating for something?
It's nobody else's business!

You come across as unbearably pompous and patronising, OP.