To think that those who clutter their homes with things instead of focusing on experiences and connections are compensating for something?

[BeTaupeLeader]

I feel like people who accumulate tons of stuff may be filling a void or trying to make up for something that’s lacking in their life, whether it’s meaningful relationships or personal fulfilment. Experiences and connections are what truly enrich our lives, so why focus on things?

I do like exploring perspectives that don’t always get airtime, even if they ruffle feathers. I guess we’re all missing something in some way, aren’t we?

Like when someone is compensating for lower visits and engagement by cluttering MN with questionable "to think" posts instead of letting users have natural forum experience...

I think any extreme can be a kind of avoidance. Minimalism can be aesthetic or emotional detachment just as clutter can be compensation. It’s the ‘why’ behind it that interests me.

Exactly this. Maybe go outside and touch some grass? Meet some people? Have some experiences of your own?

Not really talking about hoarding or pre-consumer habits, more the modern impulse to accumulate for comfort or identity. I do think there’s a difference between keeping things with purpose and filling space as a distraction. That’s the line I’m exploring.

I have too much stuff.
It’s because I like shopping.

On the other hand a lot of people use experiences and “making memories” as a way to make them look better for social media! I think often the pressure to do things, especially when you have children, can be massive and a problem in itself.

People should live their lives in a way that makes them happy and try not to worry about what others think of it.

I think we’re all driven by different needs and frustrations. I’m not saying there’s one right way to live, just that when I see a very lopsided focus (on stuff, pets, or anything else), I sometimes wonder if it’s compensating for something unspoken. We all cope and connect in different ways, this was more of a reflection than a judgement.

My daughter buys so much stuff, her bedroom is overwhelmed with stuff. She is 27 and is adopted - she had a very hard start in life, finds relationshipswith people difficult. She has autism and learning disabilities. So yeah, she compensates with stuff, so what? At least she is contributing to the economy and it keeps her happy.

A friend of mine is a hoarder and cannot find her way to throw anything away. Friends have tried to help her but nothing seems to work. She is an otherwise functioning, intelligent human but I do think there are some mental health issues that allow her to think this is an acceptable way to live: in one room, can't get to her bed, can't cook at home no space in kitchen, no hot water as she won't let anyone in to fix her boiler. This is the extreme I think.

People who purchase, collect and gather things can do it for many reasons, nostalgia, comfort, joy. I don't think it's an instead of having experiences though. Can you not collect lots of things and also have experiences? Bit of a weird comparison to me.

If filling your house with wooden goats makes someone happy, then leave me them alone. It doesn't harm anyone if people like filling their safe place with things they like or gives them some pleasure. It's not some deep psychological message. Some people just like it.

Yes, it's so rarely voiced that relationships are what bring happiness, rather than material possessions. What piercing insight! (Not...)

Well if you are talking about hoarders or shopping addicts who are dealing with past trauma or seeking an easy dopamine hit to escape from some other dysfunctional element in their lives then I'm sure life would be a much richer experience for those people to go and have other experiences and make connections but mental health conditions like anxiety and depression hold them back.....otherwise they would be doing it already.

As for everyone else, you are being incredibly judgmental to assume that people who take pride in their homes and want nice possessions or decor are some sort of vacuous idiots incapable of connections or experiences. What has prompted this view? I have a nice house, it has nice furniture, I think about my decor carefully and I enjoy hosting my friends and family in it. We have a lot of stuff in our house from our various hobbies including a variety of sports, crafts and cooking.

I still don't get your point. Some people are mad about horses and horse riding, so that's what gives them fulfilment and enormous pleasure. Should they give up their dream hobby to spread themselves more thinly? Should they prioritise a man or visit Thailand instead?

Sure, OP, Cosimo de Medici should have focused on day trips and making cookies with the kids rather than commissioning and buying stuff.

I do both.

I agree that collecting or owning things doesn’t automatically mean someone’s avoiding life or relationships and you’ve described an extreme example that clearly involves deeper issues. My post was really more about those situations where material accumulation becomes a substitute for connection or meaning, not just a compliment. I’m not anti-stuff at all, I just think there’s a tipping point where it starts to say something about what someone might be missing emotionally.

😂

I like having things around me. I’m disabled and can’t have experiences any more.

I’m disabled. You’re offensive.

Actually I totally agree with you OP. I don't think they are compensating, but I think they think that STUFF will make them happy. But it doesn't, so they have to chase the next thing I can buy.

I have various friends and relatives living in absolute pits of hoarded shite.

Mental health plays a huge role in how people engage with the world, whether that’s through shopping, isolating, overworking or any other behaviour that might seem off from the outside. My post was less about judging people with lovely homes or thoughtful decor (which sounds like you’ve created a warm, welcoming space!) and more about extremes, where material accumulation becomes the primary source of fulfilment, sometimes to the exclusion of connection or reflection. I’ve seen it happen and it’s made me reflect. Not all clutter is emotional but some of it is. Just opening the conversation.

This ^
im really curious

I don't know really.

The thread title is so long that I drifted off about half way.

@BeTaupeLeader in my experience it is almost always linked to mental health, trauma or adhd / executive function type conditions.