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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect aggressive dogs to be secured prior to visit?

62 replies

Harshreality · 20/08/2025 11:25

My Dd (10) is a little nervous around dogs. We have encouraged her to combine boldness with caution and to be sensible around unknown dogs.

One of the reasons for her timidity is my PIL dogs. From a young age they have been around her unrestrained; pinning her to the wall and nosing her face at 18mo, barking at her til she leaves the couch and they take the spot. One of them is a known biter, they took it on because it bit the previous owner's child and they wanted to rehabilitate it. It is extremely aggressive, and lunged for Dd last time. My husband got between them and was bitten on the leg. We demanded they secured the dog while we were there or we'd have to leave.

We are visiting next week and I'm dreading the dog vs gc battle. I know it is their home but AIBU to expect them to secure the dogs for the duration of our visit. It's only a weekend

OP posts:
PluckyChancer · 20/08/2025 11:47

I think YABU because you’re relying on someone else to ensure your DD’s safety when they’ve already proven themselves completely unreliable.

In your shoes, I’d simply refuse to visit them at their home until they no longer own any dogs.

I have a dog who is put into the utility room when we have nervous visitors as he’s a very big dog and I do t want my visitors to feel uncomfortable.

TheAutumnCrow · 20/08/2025 12:00

I have a dog who is put into the utility room when we have nervous visitors as he’s a very big dog and I don't want my visitors to feel uncomfortable.

Agree, @PluckyChancer. What I learned about dogs growing up was from the working dogs that older members of my family (long gone now) used to own. Beautiful creatures, but secured in their own farm building during family visits. My Great Aunt said it was for the dogs' safety ...

Anyway, the lesson I learned was that you never take on a dog - and indeed it is cruel to do so - unless you have the time and the space to train them properly, house them properly, and segregate them properly.

I never, ever saw a loose dog out on the street growling at people until I came to England to live. It's bloody scary.

Well done, OP, for finding your steel.

Hoppinggreen · 20/08/2025 12:02

You just don't go there

MakingPlans2025 · 20/08/2025 12:04

Why on earth are you going? Those dogs could kill your child.

MakingPlans2025 · 20/08/2025 12:07

Just seen your update, well done. Now you need to take some time to reflect on your phenomenally poor boundaries up until this point.

GreyCarpet · 20/08/2025 12:08

I voted YABU because you are knowingly putting your daughter in danger every time you go and yet you continue to go.

No, we're not coming because of the dogs.

That's all you need to say.

If anything happened, you would be culpable because you are choosing to take that risk. Yes, they should secure the dogs but they don't so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Peanut91 · 20/08/2025 12:09

YABU to continue visiting knowing that the dog is aggressive.

100% agree with @GreyCarpet

MegaMinion34 · 20/08/2025 12:09

We've had a similar situation with DHs parents. They have a very large, powerful, aggressive dog who has growled and snapped at our DC before. We told them in no uncertain terms that we would only visit them if the dog was put away. They refuse, so now we don't visit with DC anymore. It has caused many arguments and there's a bit of rift now, but our DCs safety comes first.

ClaredeBear · 20/08/2025 12:12

Dog lover here. This is a stressful situation for all concerned. I’d not visit them at home anymore and suggest meeting for a day out.

Meadowfinch · 20/08/2025 12:12

My ds was bitten through to the bone by a family member's dog. He developed an infection and required hospital treatment (broad spectrum antibiotics for a week).

When ds was treated in A&E, the hospital administrator reported the attack to the police. Automatic notification has become necessary in our county because so many dog owners are completely irresponsible, dogs are so poorly trained and too many children are being bitten.

Ds' family member was contacted by the police and told if there was a second attack, the dog could be removed and destroyed.

I suggest you explain this to your PILs because they are putting their precious dogs at risk, as well as your far more precious child.

I refused to allow ds to go there again. It stopped the argument.

dottiedodah · 20/08/2025 12:30

Weightloss12 I adore dogs but (on my 3rd dog now would not like this!) Labs are big dogs, and my friends lab used to pin my Son against the wall when he was small .They used to come here in the end minus pooch! As far as OP goes no way would I set foot in there myself let alone let my child go.

toomuchfaff · 20/08/2025 12:45

YABU but because I wouldn't go to a place with an aggressive dog and a young child.

I wouldn't expect them to do anything because I wouldn't go to their property.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 20/08/2025 12:51

Tell dh he is going alone or they can visit you. Likely they won't unless ddog is invited...

TrixieFatell · 20/08/2025 16:06

I have a child who is nervous around big dogs and I refuse to visit anyone who doesn't put their dog away when we visit. If they don't want to (as is their right in their home) then that's fine but we won't go round.

legoplaybook · 20/08/2025 16:08

Your child is your responsibility, if you take her to a house with aggressive dogs and she gets bitten that is down to you.

legoplaybook · 20/08/2025 16:11

I'm shocked/amazed that you allowed the incident where a dog barked at her to get off the couch.

Even more amazed that after the dog tried to attack your child and did attack your husband you've even considered going back again.

Arley617 · 20/08/2025 16:12

WTF have I just read? Why on earth have you been visiting there? I wouldn’t consider putting myself or DH in that position let alone a child. It must be awful for your DD.

HerewardtheSleepy · 20/08/2025 16:23

I have a similar situation to yours OP. As a result my SIL hasn't seen her niece and nephew at her house in years and knows she only comes to ours if the dog is left at home.

Cherrysoup · 20/08/2025 19:17

Don’t be amazed they want to bring the dogs if you insist on not going to theirs. I’m appalled that there’s been more than one incident. Why on earth would you go again?

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 20/08/2025 19:21

Do you seriously think anyone will tell you you're unreasonable? Come on... you know you're not.

however this thread will go the way it always does on AIBU - "dogs shouldn't exist at all" etc etc

Lighteningstrikes · 20/08/2025 19:23

There’s no way I would take my child.

Why would you risk it.

LittleMissLateForWorkAgain · 20/08/2025 22:39

I ended up with a very bad phobia of dogs due to being growled at and chased as a child (school playground 1970s) so I don't think you should take dd there. It's really scary as a little kid to be faced with a dog who's mouth is near your face.

I have had to work VERY HARD as an adult to try to overcome that fear and not pass it to my dc but in my 50s I m still not 100 % comfortable around dogs.

This one sounds unsafe around dc especially as its already bitten dh (did dc see that? She would have been terrified).

Yanbu and they definitely are being unreasonable and ridiculous.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 20/08/2025 22:50

I think a fear of dogs is a difficult one to tackle as there is an inherent risk of any medium/large dog to people either due to poor training, feeling threatened or surprised etc. Also dog owners tend to be biased toward "oh he's a softie really" approach if warning signs or bad behaviour is exhibited.

My DC has a horrible fear of dogs and I can't tell her it's irrational (especially after she was chased and jumped at by a large out of control dog in a park once whose owner didn't seem able to get the dog away). It's logical to be wary of dogs until you really know them.

In the OPs situation I would not be visiting at all. The dog has history of threatening or dangerous behaviour. If you need to travel to see the grandparents I would stay near by and arrange to meet somewhere in a public place without the dogs. It's not worth the risk and not fair to terrify your poor child over a visit to their house.

Herberty · 20/08/2025 23:36

I think you are absolutely right to change your mind and not take your daughter into that dangerous situation.

However, to prevent your daughter developing a fear of dogs after seeing her father being bitten I would try to find a neighbour with a gentle dog to give her a good experience. My dog has helped a few local children who have had dog phobias or been bitten. With one child, the boy has gone from screaming at the sight of all dogs to hand feeding my dog - it took two years but it was worth it to avoid him having a lifelong dog phobia.

Anon501178 · 21/08/2025 07:33

I'm shocked you have ever let your child be in the vicinity of these dogs! Really irresponsible and dangerous.
And your in-laws for idiots for not caring for your child's safety whatsoever.

You need to stop your child going there completely!
Their safety needs to come before keeping relatives happy.

We have just recently turned down a visit to some relatives because there is a dog there which is a potentially risky breed.
Owners were trying to say it would never hurt anyone, if so they wouldn't let it be around kids, other people's kids are around it and it's fine etc, but we explained that we weren't prepared to take the risk of having our kids around it just incase, and that's that.