To think most parents wouldn’t do this?

[Understta]

In 2020 I dated someone local for a few months. He met my family on a couple of occasions. We then broke up and since then I’ve had two children with someone else.

My parents went to a village fete on Friday and this person was there, with his girlfriend. My parents began chatting and then asked him for his number and suggested that my dad meet up with him for a pint at some point. AIBU to think this is inappropriate? I find it incredibly invasive, they didn’t know the circumstances of the break up but they know I ended it and that I have nothing to do with him, we are not friends. Or should I take the approach that they’re free to speak to who they want and if they want his number they can have it? I just don’t think the majority of people would do this?!

Yeah that's odd

That's odd behaviour for sure.

@coxesorangepippin I can’t put my finger on why it’s irritated me so much but it has! I know on the one hand i guess you can write it off as none of my business… but it’s just … odd?! They have always overstepped the mark in my life and I feel a bit sensitive about this

Yes. That is not normal behaviour. I could not imagine my parents doing that.

I’m not sure I agree with the first two messages. It’s unusual but doesn’t strike me as unreasonable if it’s just a pint, and they get along well.

Ordinarily I'd think it odd, but you say village fete, and IME with small villages lots of people of the same generation have dated at some point, and it's not unusual for people to be cross generational friends aside from those relationships. It's the kind of stuff that makes it very difficult for me to persuade DH to live in a small village like his parents do 😁

I think it’s very odd, op. I’d be really uncomfortable with this.

I'm with you OP.....very strange, cant even imagine one of my parents doing this.

Is there a particular reason that you would not want this man to be in contact with your parents? If your dad is unaware of some major personality flaw, he is likely only being passing friendly. If there is a reason they shouldn't meet, tell your dad before they become drinking buddies.

That said, I can also imagine a scenario where a person might say give me your number we should have a pint, as a polite conversation ender, with no intention of ever following up.

That's completely insane. My parents would never do anything like this, not ever and the pair of them are completely bonkers as a rule.

Definitely odd behaviour, are they trying to get you back together?

Some people only think of themselves.

My DM would & has done it, although not set it up, they've just been there. She's only thinking of her own social life & no one else rates a mention. While she's there, she'd tell the person ALL my personal info & bring theirs home tell me, especially their successes. She just doesn't get it.

@shellyleppard no idea…he’s been with someone new for years now!

@MermaidMummy06 i think that’s what it comes down to…they only think of themselves.

I feel really let down by them, again. They have overstepped the mark many times and are still doing it.

Surely you’d think perhaps my daughter wouldn’t want us asking for her ex’s phone number!

I can see why you're uncomfortable, but your parents are free to choose their own friends. They don't seem to be suggesting you should form part of any meet-ups.

I’d possibly chat to him, but knowing that he was an ex I certainly wouldn’t be exchanging numbers and going for a pint!

If you only dated for a few months and it was years ago and you've both moved on and had new relationships and families then isn't it just that your parents see him as someone local they get on with rather than your ex? I don't think it's a big deal.

I’d honestly ask them why they’d done it. It’s just so odd!

I'd find that odd too

It’s been five years and they didn’t know the circumstances of the break up but they know I ended it and that I have nothing to do with him, we are not friends.

I think most half decent parents would be pleasant enough if they saw him, but they certainly wouldn’t be meeting up for beers.

My parents would absolutely do that. I'm not saying it's okay.

You’re probably uncomfortable with it because you think they should be “on your side” after a break up but unless there is a backstory of him doing something terrible to you, it’s really not that deep. They obviously get on nicely and it’s just a pint. The ex has obviously moved a long way forward, having had children with someone else, it’s five years ago and you’re not expected to be part of it any meeting. As long as they aren’t talking about/doing anything that could be hurtful to you, you dont really have a leg to stand on, I don’t think. This opinion is, of course, based on him not having done something awful in your relationship…which you haven’t suggested in your OP.

It's weird. My parents would be loyal to me and not have anything to do with him.

I agree. I think it’s very odd to be put out by it if the break up was amicable.

I could possibly understand it if your parents had a good relationship with your ex when you were going out, but you have said that they only met him a couple of times so there was no relationship. He's obviously a different generation from them as well so that make it even stranger.

Your parents sound odd at best and very unsupportive at worst. You aren't unreasonable to be upset and annoyed.