Hi lovely,
I've never commented before, but I felt compelled to seeing your post. I'm sure you have a lot to think about right now, but I wanted to share my experience as someone who grew up in a domestically violent home, in the hopes that this strengthens your resolve to stay away from this creature. I also have a good understanding of DV professionally, if that helps give me any credibility.
As a child, I spent nearly two decades at home living in fear, with no safe place, no comfort, no respite from the terror I experienced. I witnessed and experienced horrific things, and I still remember the awful pit of dread in my stomach whenever I had to go home. I had to become an adult at a very young age, and as such I had no childhood. Every birthday, every Christmas, every special event was completely ruined, and I spent so much of my life daydreaming to take myself away from the home I couldn't escape.
The consequences for me and my sibling have been lifelong and far-reaching. I have struggled with my mental health all my life, and have spent years having different therapeutic interventions to try and feel safe. Every facet of my life has been impacted - my self-esteem, my relationships, my emotional regulation, and although from the outside I appear that I'm doing quite well, it is always an uphill struggle on the inside.
DV is always child abuse when there is a child in the home. Even if children don't witness it, they hear it, and if they don't hear it, they feel it. Children are sponges that soak up the fear and anger in the atmosphere, and their little nervous systems learn that this world is not safe for them. Child abuse (not just physical) of young children can affect brain development - ie brain damage.
I wanted to give you the above info to empower you - as a mother, you have so much power to protect your child, and I truly hope you find the strength to do so. As a woman, you deserve far, far better. I'm going to watch this thread, please keep us posted on how you are doing x