Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my partner being unreasonable?

58 replies

RainbowStars27 · 19/08/2025 07:19

I just wanted to get others opinion as it is really causing an issue atm!

I am a first time mum to a 4 week old little girl. I have recently discovered she sleeps far better with white noise, so I have bought a little portable white noise machine. This has been working well and I have been getting a good few hour stretches of sleep in at night!

My boyfriend has recently gone back to work and is now saying he cannot sleep with the white noise playing in our bedroom (where she sleeps). He utterly refuses to have it on, which means she sleeps for shorter stretches and wakes easily - if she falls back asleep at all. It is also me doing all the nights as he is back to work - fair enough.

This has resulted in me and her sleeping in the living room (on sofa and in Moses basket) from about 12am every night, so I can carry on playing white noise.

I understand that it is important for him to get his sleep as he is working, but I can’t help feeling this is a little unfair on me and her. The white noise volume is very low and my back is starting to hurt sleeping on the sofa!

Please give me your honest advice and opinions, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Petrolitis · 19/08/2025 18:25

HoskinsChoice · 19/08/2025 08:10

Don't be ridiculous! He's not more important, it's just different circumstances. You can't expect the working parent to do the night waking in the early stages when they have to go to work. They have a job to do which they are being paid for. At weekends, yes, but not when they have they have to go to work.

Show quote history

You're being ridiculous.

The OP has just grown a human.

She's now working keeping her new human alive.

She's working. Her work is just as important and valuable as her partners.

How horribly misogynistic to suggest her work is worth less and therefore she doesn't deserve sleep.

Lmnop22 · 20/08/2025 11:17

Ohlifelife · 19/08/2025 18:19

The white noise has to be calibrated at a low enough level not to damage the baby's hearing. Apparently some of the equipment being sold is actually calibrated at too high a level and can cause damage.
It's not just me saying this. There are legitimate concerns about the use of white noise.
And considering a child's well being is at stake perhaps you should check facts before pooh poohing concerns.

Show quote history

Considering OP said it’s at a very low volume and it would have to be at a high volume, close to the baby and for extended period to even have a chance at causing issues, I would say you’re the one not checking facts before scaremongering on here!

CopperWhite · 20/08/2025 11:25

Take it in turns to sleep on the sofa.

Pineapplewaves · 20/08/2025 11:34

I don’t think either of you are in the wrong - I think the best thing to do is a buy a bed for the spare bedroom and you and baby sleep in there, if it’s going to be baby’s bedroom anyway why not get baby used to sleeping in their room now, all you will need to do in the future is get baby used to sleeping in there without you.

LoveMySushi · 20/08/2025 11:38

I would be tempted to fully wake him every time baby wakes up..

FriedFalafels · 20/08/2025 11:51

It’s not ‘fair enough’ for dad to do no nights or morning get ups just because he’s working. You’re working non stop caring for a tiny human all day and keeping them alive - you will burn out.

He should be at least doing 1 or 2 full nights and maybe doing that last feed each night so you can head to sleep earlier, alternate on his night.

Pop a bed in the spare room so you can get a solid nights sleep on your night off and he can head in there if he doesn’t want the white noise

Ohlifelife · 20/08/2025 13:05

Lmnop22 · 20/08/2025 11:17

Considering OP said it’s at a very low volume and it would have to be at a high volume, close to the baby and for extended period to even have a chance at causing issues, I would say you’re the one not checking facts before scaremongering on here!

Show quote history

I'm not scaremongering at all.

I would never have even considered using white noise for my baby . But if I had I would have investigated all the possible effects - good and bad - of using it. A baby is too precious to take chances with.

If OP.has looked at the pros and cons and decided that she considers it a positive and safe thing to do for her child that is entirely up to her. Her child her choice.

But making a considered judgement is not scare mongering.

PigletSanders · 20/08/2025 13:52

BoundaryGirl3939 · 19/08/2025 18:11

I do feel bad for your partner. If he can't sleep with the white noise, then he can't. I hate white noise.

Is there a reason he can't sleep in the sitting room, or does waking/crying baby unexpectedly intrude that place at all hours?

Hes not telling you to go to the sitting room, you are. So he technically hasnt banished you. Could you try removing white noise from baby and get her acclimatised to silence? Or change the background noise to low volume waves or a nature sound?

Why have you leapt to the defence of an arsehole man?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page