Am I unreasonable for not wanting to go to this work event?

[Terracottafarmers]

I'm 30, live with my partner of 6 years, no kids. We're just wrapping up a big house renovation and I honestly love being at home even though it's a little chaotic...

I WFH and I’ve become more of a homebody over the last couple of years. I still see friends two sometimes three times a month and I’m always there if they need me, but I don’t feel the need to be out or message them all the time. I like a quiet, drama free life and I’m just as happy doing my own thing.

My long term close friend is the opposite very sociable, single, always out, still lives at home and her life is much more chaotic than mine. We both work for the same company. This week a colleague I'm close to is visiting the office as she lives far away, and there’s a work event arranged for her. My friend asked if I was going, and I said I considered it but no, I’ve got bits I’d rather do at home since the Reno and I can’t be bothered. I’ll see this colleague next month anyway and we message all the time. To be honest, I find work events really draining and I know this colleague feels the exact same and won't think twice if I don't go.

My friend said 'Weird you don’t want to see XYZ since you’re so close to her' which has made me second guess myself.

Am I rude by not going? Should I just make the effort? Or is it actually fine to admit I don’t want to socialise with colleagues I don’t care about and would rather just stay at home.

Of course that is entirely your choice to go or not but I do worry what effect WFH is having on human relationships.

If I was the visiting friend I’d be a bit miffed. It’s one night.

I'd go, you never know, you might actually enjoy yourself! Stay for an hour or so at least.

It’d be better to go along at least for a short while, for the sake of the visiting friend and work relationships.

It sounds like at least 2 people who will be there are your friends, so I find it odd you talk about "colleagues I don't care about'. It also seems odd to me to say you message all the time so don't need to meet.

If a close colleague of mine was visiting the office who isn’t in much, I’d absolutely make the effort to go for a drink after work with them. I don’t much enjoy work socialising either, but I would if it was someone I liked and don’t see face to face often.

Totally understand not wanting to go, and not seeing the need to go, but unfortunately I really think you ought to go anyway.

Make sure you don't let WFH ruin your friendships, OP. Some people really need that face-to-face connection and it's important to keep your friends rather than just staying in the cocoon of your home.

You ‘can’t be bothered’ to spend some face to face time with a friend you say you are close to?

I am glad your other friend is honest and direct and told you what she thinks, and had given you an opportunity to reflect and think twice.

They arranged a work event for her?

Do you mean drinks/dinner?

Either way I'd go, you might enjoy it.

I think it would be entirely reasonable if you had prior plans or something you really need to be in for. But house renovations are long term and you’re young and childless; I think it’s odd that you want to sit in like you presumably do most nights, rather than see a friend.

Im an introvert, so I get it. But if you don’t make an effort, don’t be surprised if people don’t for you too. And don’t be naive enough to think you won’t need friends, you will.

Couldn’t agree more. People are becoming hermits

You're 30 and you go out to see people twice a month? What would you do if your partner dropped dead tomorrow? Be on your own all the time?
Friendships are so important to our mental health and wellbeing. But they require effort. Sounds like they're trying and perhaps soon they won't bother.

You have things you'd rather do at home? That can't be done on the other 27 nights and right full (weekend) days? And you'd rather have that extra night at home than see your friends you hardly ever see?

I think it's really sad and a bit pathetic of you not to make the effort but I guess some people are antisocial and what have you.

Messaging all the time isn't a stand-in for meaningful face to face contact - I say that as a ridiculously unsociable introvert. It completely your choice but you should go and see your friend I think.

No man is an island.

Maybe OP’s just absolutely knackered from the renoI get it, I’ve been there. But sometimes seeing good friends can actually give you energy. If that’s the case, go for it. If not, OP, I reckon you should still head out for a drink, you will probably feel better for it.

I don’t particularly enjoy work events but I make the effort when people I work with and like are in town. It makes such a difference to relationships. Make the effort OP.

Just go. You're being antisocial.

But if we like it who cares.

"Bits to do" is really obnoxious op. Worse than I can't I'm washing my hair.

I haven't been to a work social event in about ten years also. Screw that

I like a quiet, drama free life and I’m just as happy doing my own thing.

How does seeing friends threaten your “drama free life”?

This is a meet up with her close (work) friend. And other close long term friend. Who all work for the same company.

So ‘screw that’ might make her friendships a bit tricky.

She doesn't seem to care. Not everybody does. Work friends aren't real friends generally. I know this pains the Return to Office crew.

Yeah I don't love social events that much either but I do think yabu doesn't really sound like an actual reason to not go

and there’s a work event arranged for her.

It depends what the event is.

If it’s a leaving do or birthday etc then I think it’s rude for you not to attend just because you can’t be bothered.

It’s different if you had something else on but what’s an hour or 2 out of your day as a one off.