Friend makes little digs

[Irritatingmen]

I’m buying a house and have been a bit cagey about the price (because I’m receiving help) and also so as not to tempt fate. I haven’t found anywhere yet.

i am very close to my friends and we talk about a lot but one keep asking quite personal questions - how much is your salary? Whats your budget? What are you looking for?

I know that she wants to buy a house with her partner but I don’t know her salary, where they are looking, what their budget is and she’s keeping it all close to her chest. Fine but then why push me.

Anotehr friend of mine has recently bought and randomly volunteered how much they paid and what the process was like. I mentioned to first friend and she said, oh yes I like it when people are open about things, it’s so much nicer isnt it than being secretive. I smiled and said yes that’s true but I guess it’s hard when you’re in the middle of it and still looking - said I thought my other friend could now be more open given they were out the other side.

Am I being over sensitive or would others be annoyed about this too? It seems like double standards a bit

Are you even really friends if you can't share stuff like this?

It is rude, mostly because she’s guarded about hers whilst trying to get yours and making you feel bad for not sharing. Next time be more blunt and say ‘you first’. The house price she will be able to see anyway once you’ve bought it.

I’d laugh and say that’s quite personal - I don’t believe you’ve shared your house budget /your household income…

I have friends I’ve had for 40 years….I know nothing about their finances and they know nothing about mine, same with my family. I’m in the ‘it’s no-one’s business’ camp.

How friends friends you are

When she asks a specific question, I would address it.

I'm on £50k, what about you?

If she declines to answer, then say, 'you asked me and I answered, are you not going to do the same?'

Then if she doesn't, don't answer any more questions

There's a good reason for not discussing your finances with others. It tends to lead to either bad comparison making, jealousy or resentment. I think it is probably thought to be old fashioned to be secretive these days, but ime can save bad feeling between people. Your friend should accept that you aren't comfortable telling her, you don't owe her this information ffs.

Just say you’re having a break from looking as you can’t find what you like . Beware of telling her what you are looking at because she will stream in and offer more if she likes the house you have put an offer on . This happened to someone I know

We didn’t tell a soul we were saving for a deposit for a house and we had a mortgage in principal. We bought the house got the keys then told everyone . It caused utter uproar and we found out what people truly thought of us . Apparently we we supposed to have ended up in a council flat / bed sit on the tough side of town . The nastiness jealousy we got was off the scale .

If she's going to visit your new house then she can easily just google it and find out what it was listed for. Of course you might be paying over or under asking but she'll still know a rough figure.

If she brings it up again simply tell her that, like she, you don’t like to divulge details of your earnings or budget to anyone and redirect the conversation to a more positive vibe.
Have a few replies prepared in advance to steer the conversation away from personal financial detail…Talk about how really look forward to you all owning your own homes/ isn’t it such an exciting time/ aren’t we all just so fortunate to be able to buy a home/ oh did you see XYZ bank have reduced their interest rate etc etc.
Big events like weddings/house purchases/babies can often stir up competition and jealousy. You don’t want that to taint your experience.