Neighbour is stressing me out

[Catmum03]

My neighbour, who is an older man living alone, has started causing me a lot of stress. We used to get on well without any problems, although I know that others on the street have fallen out with him for different reasons.

Recently, he began complaining about my cats going to the toilet in his garden. I explained that my cats have always used a litter tray, but I couldn’t completely dismiss what he was saying, so I told him I’d try to keep them away. I did this, but the next time I saw him, he told me not to worry and to let them out to run about. So, I did.

A few nights ago, I came home quite late with my children. As a single mum, it’s just me and the kids in the house. He was standing outside in the dark waiting for me, and as soon as I arrived, he launched into a barrage of abuse, shouting and swearing about my cats. He said he was “f*ing sick” of them. I tried to explain that I was doing my best, but he mocked me and said, “Oh, is that why they’re still crapping in my garden?” At that point, I simply walked past him and went into my house because I wasn’t willing to stand in the street being verbally abused.
To try and resolve the situation completely, I spent the weekend building an outdoor cattery with help from family. That way, the cats are contained, and he has no reason to complain. However, ever since, he has made a point of being outside whenever I am.

When we were unloading wood for the cattery, he deliberately stood in his garden staring at me. Later, when I was outside chatting with another neighbour, he came out several times.

Tonight, when I went to put my bin out quite late, I found him sitting on the wall between our properties. This wall is so close that if I opened my front door, I could practically touch his shoulder. He has spent the whole weekend hanging around in that spot whenever I’m outside, and it’s making me feel uncomfortable to the point that I don’t even want to use my front door.

I feel like he’s deliberately watching me, and it’s starting to feel intrusive and unsettling. I don’t know what to do about it, but it’s causing me a lot of stress.

Don't really know what to do 😫

This sounds very scary for you OP. I’d keep logging each incident with the police in case it escalates. Are you a homeowner or in rented accommodation? I’m glad you’ve made a contained cattery now, that’s a very good idea as I’d be worried what lengths he might go to if your cats were in his garden again.
have you got other neighbours you can confide in that will be there if you need any backup if he escalates? X

Yes I've talked to my other neighbours and made them aware. They don't like him either and said he's a creep.

I even had an asda delivery today and again he appeared in his garden, made a point of being in view of me and turned round and stared and listened at what we were talking about.

Its actually making me feel sick. I thought the cattery was a good idea, as my cats love outside, keeps them safe and stops him being on my back.

I hate confrontation like that with a neighbour. The way he's acting as well is creeping me out.

Just to add this is a rented council house x

Keep a diary of all incidents and if this escalates report him to the council. Harassment probably puts him in breach of his rental agreement. Sorry you are going through this. Your home should be your sanctuary.

Just wanted to add as well, sorry about drip feeding , I rent my house but he owns his. The wall he's sitting on he says is actually his wall. He built it. This was long before I moved in. So I don't think there's anything I can actually do about him sitting there, although i do believe it's badness.

Also with my family being here today with a car and trailer I moved my car further away so they could have the space, its on street parking. I really do think he sat there to see if I would appear to move my car back when everyone left.

I did move it but I went out at nearly midnight when I was sure he was in his house.

I’d get a ring doorbell. That way you have evidence of his harassment especially if it escalates and you can report him to the police.

How old is he?

Gosh I’m so sorry OP, what a creep he is, intimidating you like this.

Good suggestions here. I’d definitely get a Ring camera. And I’d absolutely report him to the police as a matter of urgency! But I agree with a poster upthread, you must act confident even if you don’t feel it. He’s enjoying trying to intimidate and frighten you and you can’t show him his methods are working. God knows why his type enjoy this sort of power trip, but they do. Absolutely ignore him if you see him - pretend he doesn’t exist. Keep close to your other neighbours and keep them in the loop and ask them to keep an eye out for you.

Sorry if this is a bad suggestion, I’m just thinking out loud - if it were me, I’d probably ask some family members if they wouldn’t mind staying with me for a few days, just so I felt braver and he knows you’re not on your own. Could anyone come keep you company for a bit?

Definitely get a ring doorbell

@Catmum03
Reading your thread has made my blood boil, I'm furious on your behalf.
Do everything @DarklingIlistenhas posted.
Im 59, I was a single parent 30+ yrs ago and had a similar neighbour, crikey, I wish I'd done something about it, I didn't think anyone would believe me (no ring cameras back then)
Be strong, take the advice on this thread

Sounds like it could be some sort of mental decline/dementia. My neighbour has become quite like this. We always got on ok, but this year she's started speaking quite aggressively to me. She would make a complaint about my dogs, then retract it if I suggested she knock at my door if she thinks there are making a noise. She tried telling me one of them was wagging it's tail against her wall and disturbing her all day long on a day when the dogs weren't even at our house!

She got quite personal and said some nasty uncalled for things the last time we spoke, so now I just ignore her. It's quite a relief to be able to leave my house without worrying what sort of mood she's in and whether I'm going to get told off for something ridiculous.

In your situation, I would consider ringing 101 for advice, as his behaviour sounds like it constitutes harassment. They may be able to speak to him and check on his welfare if something like dementia is a possibility and he lives alone.

I agree that you need cameras. And log each of these instances.

Would you be comfortable stating loudly for him to go away? Each and every time he is near you?

He's a creepy and getting off on scaring you.

He’s an unhinged bullying cunt.

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone.

I do have a blink camera installed above my door at the front, it's one of those it just records snippets. I've checked it back and it did record part of our convo that night.

I've tried to still act normal and have went in and out of the front as usual, so to not give him any idea hes worrying me. I've just blanked him everytime.

My neighbour straight across from his house is convinced hes watching her through cameras upstairs in his room, you can't see anything from the outside but the room is always kept in the dark with blinds tilted so he could be watching from afar maybe , I honestly dont know but I wouldn't be shocked. Another neighbour tipped her off about it. What can you do without proof?

He really is creeping me out. To add more context when I first came here he was like an excited schoolkid, always bringing me gifts like maybe sweets , bottles of wine on my birthday , at one point he was bringing me soup he was buying in a butchers every week. He tried to take me out for lunch. Of course i just refused in a nice way saying I wouldn't have time I'm busy with kids, work etc it eventually fizzled out.

He's in his 70s and as sharp as a button, but this behaviour seems to be bordering eccentric now , there has been dementia in his family but in all honestly he seems to be perfectly aware but this is just really strange behaviour now.

^I agree with this. This situation sounds intolerable, and, following your update about his family history, dementia is a very likely explanation.

I think you're right in what you have said here, i absolutely agree. I was always nice to him as I just seen him as the old man and he was the older generation and he had some humour about him that just reminded me on my late granny , just the way that generation is, so I did always make time if I seen him about.

When i was talking to my other neighbour he was like a child in the back ground making noise as if desperate for attention , but I never looked round once and I said to the other neighbour not to be either , don't give him the attention.

I never left the house today , but could see from my small window beside my front door he was parked there again on the wall.

I never thought he would turn out to be like this. Actually counting the days now until I'm back at work and kids at school to get away from it all day.

Yeah I need to think of something I can place in that corner, I don't think a trellis would work as its just a tiny wall, think just above knee height , would it look right? Also dont want to attach anything to his wall because that will give him an excuse too. Maybe a big tree/bush in a pot in my side but not near his side so he can't say anything about it.

Call the police. Its harassment.
Ask them to go around & have a word with him/warn him off.

If it is something like dementia then they're also well placed to trigger the right calls.

OP this guy sounds mentally unwell and quite intimidating. Definitely log all incidents, report to 101 and your housing association/the council as well.

Do you have an intimidating male friend or relative who could pop round for the afternoon/evening/weekend? That might stop your neighbour from being quite so obvious with his intimidation attempts.

Bamboos or tall rose trees maybe?

I would also try reversing the balance of power. Big smile, friendly but concerned tone "Are you alright dear, sitting there on your own? Do you need help? I can call someone from your family if you're not feeling well".
Anything condescending or infantilising you can think of from his background.