Neighbour is stressing me out

[Catmum03]

My neighbour, who is an older man living alone, has started causing me a lot of stress. We used to get on well without any problems, although I know that others on the street have fallen out with him for different reasons.

Recently, he began complaining about my cats going to the toilet in his garden. I explained that my cats have always used a litter tray, but I couldn’t completely dismiss what he was saying, so I told him I’d try to keep them away. I did this, but the next time I saw him, he told me not to worry and to let them out to run about. So, I did.

A few nights ago, I came home quite late with my children. As a single mum, it’s just me and the kids in the house. He was standing outside in the dark waiting for me, and as soon as I arrived, he launched into a barrage of abuse, shouting and swearing about my cats. He said he was “f*ing sick” of them. I tried to explain that I was doing my best, but he mocked me and said, “Oh, is that why they’re still crapping in my garden?” At that point, I simply walked past him and went into my house because I wasn’t willing to stand in the street being verbally abused.
To try and resolve the situation completely, I spent the weekend building an outdoor cattery with help from family. That way, the cats are contained, and he has no reason to complain. However, ever since, he has made a point of being outside whenever I am.

When we were unloading wood for the cattery, he deliberately stood in his garden staring at me. Later, when I was outside chatting with another neighbour, he came out several times.

Tonight, when I went to put my bin out quite late, I found him sitting on the wall between our properties. This wall is so close that if I opened my front door, I could practically touch his shoulder. He has spent the whole weekend hanging around in that spot whenever I’m outside, and it’s making me feel uncomfortable to the point that I don’t even want to use my front door.

I feel like he’s deliberately watching me, and it’s starting to feel intrusive and unsettling. I don’t know what to do about it, but it’s causing me a lot of stress.

Don't really know what to do 😫

Can you put something like this in front of the wall? But honestly, a large group of people very loudly installing a cctv camera (or 5!) and your phone on to record when you leave the house might be more effective .

https://www.argos.co.uk/product/2967017?istCompanyId=a74d8886-5df9-4baa-b776-166b3bf9111c&istFeedId=61efaf3e-c0cb-4811-923b-3b6919a35a1b&istItemId=ixrlpqxaq&istBid=t&utm_custom6=PLA&deeplink=true&gclsrc=aw.ds&&cmpid=GS001&_$ja=tsid:59157%7Cacid:804-872-0397%7Ccid:20330964438%7Cagid:%7Ctid:%7Ccrid:%7Cnw:x%7Crnd:159804910386988968%7Cdvc:c%7Cadp:%7Cmt:%7Cloc:9045846&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=20330964438&utm_term=2967017&utm_content=shopping&utm_custom1=&utm_custom2=804-872-0397&GPDP=true&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=19671816703&gbraid=0AAAAAD9II9n5rvWGaCEyB1Karnki2aupx&gclid=Cj0KCQjwwZDFBhCpARIsAB95qO2ODtJbX0oRBkYZ9u6uPEfr9Ggh-JjjHZeITxY1W8UlgiBSeAAoIRQaAkg9EALw_wcB

Just an update today, I was upstairs in my house and heard my kitchen window knocking, I checked my cameras the front, and there was noone about. He has waited until the neighbour at the other side of me (male) was away today and climbed up on the wall between me and him and knocked my window several times. If the other neighbour had of been there he would of been able to see him doing it, that's why he has waited. I never answered it and don't intend too, told the kids not to be going in the garden today, at least until the other neighbour is back so at least I know someone else is about can hear what's going on. Family has said meet him face him on tell him to stop or you will have to take action. Just the thought of it tho is making me feel sick I don't know why.

urgh that's so gross and creepy I'm sorry. Is he physically big/strong (i.e. could he overpower you?) If not, I think walking out and loudly saying "what on EARTH do you think youre doing?? This stops right now or I am calling the police", and then do it!

No I dont think he could over power, but he has a real evil streak in, just him thinking he can verbally abuse me seems to hit the spot enough for him. There is nothing he could possibly want today other than continue this on.

It cannot be about my cats because they have been in my house or out in the cattery since Saturday so I am 100% sure they have not been over at his.

My other neighbour is back now, and i feel more content. I've been out the back, and there's no sign of him. Just makes me feel so uneasy.

OP, how do you feel about putting prickly shrubs in pots just by that wall?😁

In all seriousness, it's awful having a neighbour who makes life a living hell for the rest of you. I have one... and he's also my manager at work.

It's difficult, but please don't give in and stop using your garden/front door, otherwise your fear and anxiety about him will grow. Do your best to either completely ignore him, or kill him with kindness, with an irritatingly cheery wave and, "Hello!" (If he's like my neighbour, he gets very put out when you are kind to him). Then do things to subtle things to irritate him, like prickly shrubs in pots by his new favourite seating area on the wall. I'm considering giving a home to poultry just to annoy my neighbour, who famously dislikes them...

I know you shouldn't have to but I would park a big , burly, intimidating bloke there ! Do you know any ?

I'd be lodging a complaint with the police. This is harassment op.

Contact the council, find out whose wall it is.
Keep a log of dates/times and what he’s done.
Does he definitely own the house? Your local authority will have some kind of anti social behaviour policy on their website and may contact this man on your behalf if you report him, community safety wardens might pay him a visit.

Is there no way to secure your back garden by erecting a fence?

I have an unhinged neighbour too, same as you used to get on well, possible dementia (we suspected but have heard him mention memory issues recently). He will wait for my husband to be out and then shout comments, bang on the front door etc. Neighbours know what he’s like, but his frailty and dementia make it difficult, plus we are both owners so feels pointless contacting police (for me).

You will need to be more assertive, as he’s escalating the behaviour and getting away with it. If yours is waiting for witnesses to be absent then he knows what he’s doing is wrong. If you speak to him is there anyone that can come with you ? Make it clear he’s harassing you and that you are sick to death of it and it must stop.

Dementia my arse . He’s a nasty old bully who preys on vulnerable women. Get evidence, contact the police. Not everyone is nice and has a medical reason for aggressive, creepy behaviour!

Start taking photos of him every time he does it and if he asks why say you are cataloguing it and you are going to show the police if he keeps doing this as this intimidation and harrassment - tell him you will share it on al social media as well. Keep a diary as well/

I think you need to 'borrow' a friend's husband, brother, work colleague, cousin, other neighbour, basically any trusted man who is large and can look intimidating. Ask them to hang around for a couple of hours and potter about in garden til he appears. Ask your borrowed friend to come out arms folded and stare back at the freak. Doesn't need to be any more than that, just enough to let him know people have got the measure of him.