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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dementia and driving dc

32 replies

Puddingbox · 17/08/2025 21:45

My mil has dementia and is currently allowed to drive. However, she only drives specific routes and doesn't understand roadsigns. She doesn't drive in the dark as she finds it disorientating.
I don't want my dc in the car with heer anymore and my dh is upset by this and it did cause abit of a debate. I suspect mostly upset as reality of dementia is setting in. She has been diagnosed for 2 years and mid 70s.
WWYD? AIBU?

OP posts:
bldy · 17/08/2025 21:46

of course you are not

Original poster
Puddingbox · 17/08/2025 21:47

Despite allowed by dvla?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 17/08/2025 21:54

What do you mean she doesnt understand road signs?

mumofoneAloneandwell · 17/08/2025 21:55

Yanbu at all girl

I feel for her, but no x

Newtocycling · 17/08/2025 21:56

How can she be allowed to drive if she doesn’t understand road signs?

Hankunamatata · 17/08/2025 21:56

Has she informed dvla and insurance that she has dementia?

And no yanbu

bilbodog · 17/08/2025 21:56

if this was my mother i would not want her driving at all. My father had dementia 35 years ago and we took the car away from him.

she only needs to be confused once to kill someone.

176509user · 17/08/2025 21:57

You should anonymously report her to the DVLA as she is a danger to others if you think she is unsafe.

mamagogo1 · 17/08/2025 21:57

If she doesn’t understand road signs you need to urgently contact dvla - dementia changes, sometimes rapidly and the driving authorities rely on family and friends to report these as the typical 3 year licence renewal cycle is too long. If she’s not safe to drive your dc she isn’t safe to be on the road

KiteFlight · 17/08/2025 22:01

No way would my children go in a car with someone with known dementia, so YANBU. Quite honestly my children’s lives would come way ahead of any hurt feelings of MIL/DH and I would definitely report her to DVLA. I can’t believe they would allow her to drive when she can’t understand road signs, that’s a basic part of driving!

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 22:03

Why is your dh happy to place your dc at risk?

TheLurpackYears · 17/08/2025 22:03

Write to her GP and also inform the DVLA. And obviously don't allow your children in the car with her.

Catcatcat111 · 17/08/2025 22:04

I’m sorrry but she shouldn’t be driving. There is no way I’d allow my dc with her, what on earth is your dh thinking. I think you should report her to dvla.

HelloHattie · 17/08/2025 22:05

What? She can’t understand road signs? Do DVLA know this?

Original poster
Puddingbox · 17/08/2025 22:06

Thank you everyone I appreciate it. Yes, I am going to push for her to stop driving as I think the time has come

OP posts:
Saz12 · 17/08/2025 22:10

If you don't want your DC in the carvwith her, why would you accept other dc crossing the road near her?

I get it's hard. But if you'd not step onto a zebra crossing if she were driving toward UT, then....

InterestedDad37 · 17/08/2025 22:15

She should not be driving. Full stop. Not at all... Not 'see how it goes' or 'think about it' or 'do it soon' or whatever.

TheFateNdoftheWedge · 17/08/2025 22:21

So your DH wants to sacrifice your DC to let mil prove she's still well and capable !!

Gloriousgardener11 · 17/08/2025 22:23

If she has been formally diagnosed then why hasn’t her GP referred her for a driving assessment which will automatically revoke her licence and stop her driving there and then.
I would contact her GP about this asap!

Original poster
Puddingbox · 17/08/2025 22:23

TheFateNdoftheWedge · 17/08/2025 22:21

So your DH wants to sacrifice your DC to let mil prove she's still well and capable !!

That's probably going abit far. Blimey. I was hoping for a handhold during this difficult time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puddingbox · 17/08/2025 22:24

Thank you everyone. Yes she has already informed the dvla and gp last year and it gets reviewed every year

OP posts:
OldGothsFadeToGrey · 17/08/2025 22:25

Puddingbox · 17/08/2025 22:23

That's probably going abit far. Blimey. I was hoping for a handhold during this difficult time.

Show quote history

It’s not really though is it.

He would put them at risk of death rather than upset his mum. Otherwise, what exactly is the debate?

Other people too, because it’s obvious to everyone else that if she can’t understand road signs, drive at night, and only take specific routes, then she isn’t safe to be driving at all.

You have a handhold from me, must be awful knowing you’ve got this conflict, but thank goodness you’ve been strong enough to insist on it, you are protecting your kids x

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/08/2025 22:27

When this happened with my mum we took her keys off her at first, then sold her car. No regrets. There was no way she was safe, she a total danger to herself and others and I couldn’t have lived with myself if I hadn’t done something. She was very angry at first but forgot pretty quickly she had even had a car.

Sera1989 · 17/08/2025 22:32

I’m with you. But I think if she can’t understand road signs she shouldn’t be on the road - what if there is a diversion or the road layout is changed on her route or she takes a wrong turn and needs to find her way back on unfamiliar roads? It will be a difficult conversation to have but it’s for the safety of her and other people on the road

HonestOpalHelper · 17/08/2025 22:32

Puddingbox · 17/08/2025 22:24

Thank you everyone. Yes she has already informed the dvla and gp last year and it gets reviewed every year

Having cared for my dad through dementia from start to finish (approx 7 years) I firmly believe no one with a dementia diagnosis should be allowed to carry on driving.