Dementia and driving dc

[Puddingbox]

My mil has dementia and is currently allowed to drive. However, she only drives specific routes and doesn't understand roadsigns. She doesn't drive in the dark as she finds it disorientating.
I don't want my dc in the car with heer anymore and my dh is upset by this and it did cause abit of a debate. I suspect mostly upset as reality of dementia is setting in. She has been diagnosed for 2 years and mid 70s.
WWYD? AIBU?

Likewise with my dad, I had LPA, sold the car and sent his driving licence back, job done!

Dementia can be stable and then decline swiftly. It's not a linear decline in skills. It's often sudden

Your dh is going to have to step up and be her advocate in difficult times. That doesn't mean hoping for the best because the thought of it makes him sad.

My own parent, with advanced dementia lives with me. Stopping them driving was one of the easier things we've had to face. Buck up, in the nicest possible way. Things will get worse. You'll need to take steps to make them less than the worst possible thing you can imagine. Because, that can happen.

I'm very sorry and I hope that you still see glimpses of the person you love. My parent is still them, just, them with dementia. My other parent? In the early stages of it as well. I do get it.

People with dementia and their immediate family are often incredibly stubborn about insisting upon driving because it continues to give the sufferer what they view as independence. In my (personal, current) experience of this, it is purely so that it reduces some of the burden on partners and children if they’re able to do things like get themselves to the shops. Here, your dh is refusing to accept the risks of continuing to encourage this. He’d rather have his mum feel independent and have her help with the children. It’s so selfish and stupid because it not only puts your children at risk but also other road users. People with dementia who are disorientated, can’t drive at night, can’t follow road signs etc are a real danger - it’s how we get cases of elderly people driving against the traffic on slip roads and carriage ways. YANBU at all.

I wouldn’t allow it either. Tbh I’d be concerned about just her being behind the wheel but children are distracting, they chat, sing, shout, bicker. If she gets easily confused can see why dc might cause a distraction. I strongly suspect children distracting parents causes lots of parking accidents.

Get in touch with the local taxi company -get that set up -does she get attendance allowance e that could be her ‘taxi’ money

The DVLA presumably had some kind of information in order to say that she was fit to drive?

Does your Dh or you know what reports they requested and did you see any letters from the dvla? Do any doctors know that she can’t read road signs?

FIL once out of the blue insisted that MIL drive Dh, me and ds to a local outing, I was not happy as I knew she had a dementia diagnosis and was very surprised as in ten years I’d never known MIL to drive when FIL was available, but like a fool went along with it. It wasn’t a terrible experience but I wasn’t convinced she could really concentrate and there was some wavering back and forth. Afterwards FIL asked me if I thought she should be driving - he used that drive as a test, without telling me what he was doing and he put ds in danger. I told Dh that whatever happened ds was never being driven by her again. I can’t really believe I didn’t stand up for ds and myself then. You’re doing the right thing.

My dad was told at diagnosis to hand back his driving license. No way would I have wanted him to drive my dc around. YANBU