Opinions on partner moving in quickly after meeting child

[OneTealSeal]

I’m looking for some impartial opinions on this please

My ex-partner (and mother of my 7-year-old son) has been in a new relationship for about 6 months. She introduced him to our son around 6 weeks ago, and within another 2 weeks her partner moved in. From what I understand, he was recently divorced and had been living with his family before this. A former partner moved out about 8 months ago who had lived with them for 3 years, which my son was upset about.

I’ve spoken with my son about it, and he says he’s happy and that he likes the new partner. While I’m glad he feels positive, I also know that at 7 he might not fully understand or be able to express if the pace feels too fast for him.

I personally think a gradual introduction over 6+ months would have been a healthier approach. I realise everyone approaches relationships differently, but I struggle to understand moving this quickly when children are involved.

IMO far too quick, after six months how well can she possibly know this man?

Im not sure what you can do about it though really.

I agree it’s much too quick. I wouldn’t even introduce a new partner to children until the 6 month mark, let alone move them in!

So she gave herself 6 months to get to know the partner, but only gave your son 2 weeks to do the same?
It would be a hard no from me. I’m not sure I would have even introduced them at 6 months. But if I did it would be brief meetings on neutral ground. I would not be asking my 7 year old to live with someone who is basically a stranger to them. Let alone after only recently losing the previous partner from their life.

I'm sorry OP, but the new 'partner' sounds like a freeloader.

He might not be a bad person, just a loser and a freeloader, but I think you are right to think this isn't great.

If this is the third partner, you, her ex and now this one, I’d say forever is too soon.

A rotation of partners moving in and out of the family home is very damaging for children no matter how nice they are.

Yet another example of adults putting their sex lives before their kids.

Yes it’s too quick but unless you have reasons to believe there’s abuse or neglect going on it’s none of your business.

You are separated any no longer get to have a say about what the other person does.

This isn't about checking up on his ex!

He has a right to be concerned about his child living in the same house with a man no one knows!

I can’t believe she moved him in so quickly..
You’d imagine when her former partner moved out, that lived with her & your son for 3 years she’d realise not to be moving partners in full stop ! !
Some women are incapable of living without men ..
She’s only with this guy 6 months, like ffs , cop on , who moves in together that fast …

My ex introduced new gf within two month of us splitting. They moved in together, dds had 3 new ‘brothers’🙄. Split up 6m later new gf, new ‘sister’ , had a baby so another sister. Split up 6m, dds lost their step grandparents, cousins etc. new gf new ‘brothers and sisters’ plus a new baby brother . Absolute shit show, not a damm thing I could do about it.

just role models led as best I could from my side.

Yes of course he does but he has no right to be telling his ex she can’t move this man in (unless there was cause for concern with regards to abuse or neglect)

All the OP can do is support his child when they’re with him and let them know they can talk to him about anything.

Of course you’re not unreasonable. It’s incredibly irresponsible.

Far too quick. An unknown safety risk. No way would I support this. Make sure your DC knows they can tell you anything and they won’t get in trouble. Can you apply for full custody?

YANBU and your ex is a twat but nothing you can do.

It’s certainly far too soon and nobody with children should be making decisions about living arrangements because one person wants to escape their family home.

You can’t do anything about it. But yes it’s shitty behaviour,

Highly irresponsible, your poor son. Have you spoken to your ex-partner about your concerns?
What are the current custody arrangements with your son? Do you think he’d like to spend more time with you?

Parents who do this piss me off. Why prioritise your needs over your child’s??

I wouldn’t even think of moving a random into my child’s home no matter how much I fancied them. It would be a long road to find out if they were trustworthy enough.

I say this as someone who got an abusive ‘stepfather’ at 10. My parents made a lot of mistakes - my dad cheated and my mum felt she had to rush to find someone new. It wasn’t good. But then I ended up with a lovely stepdad who I’m very close to. It can work out but it’s so important not to rush and miss signs.

I don't think people should move a new partner in when they have a very young child, full stop. Let alone this soon.
I realise that may be unpopular but it's how I feel.

YADNBU your ex is being irresponsible, but other than share your concerns and keep you ds talking to you so you are aware of any issues (even then your ex might brush them away), there is fuck all you can do about it.

It is damaging to children living with what are essentially strangers and a mum putting her needs before their health and safety, but nothing can be done unless there is neglect or the child is old enough to state they want to live with you.

Hope it works out well and he turns out to be a long term fixture and good man, but I also think a man moving in this fast without considering the child’s needs should be watched very closely.

The poor kid.
@Sarah2891 I’m in complete agreement with you

Absolutely far too quick, she won’t even know this person properly herself if they’ve only been dating 6 months. Super irresponsible.

I understand people feel the need for a partner or relationship but it’s bonkers to move straight in with someone when you have kids.

You can't control what your ex does. You can only be stable yourself and let school know that your child may be more emotional etc (without bitterness - just the facts) so they are aware.

He didnt have anywhere else to go once his marriage ended.

She had a break up only 8 months ago and she was single for all of 2 months before she met someone else and shacked up with them 6 months later.

Your poor boy this is too much upheaval. Id keep an eye on things and see if he wants to spend more time. Do you have a new partner?

He's not 'telling' her to do anything. He's asking other people if he's BU to think it's way too soon - which it is.

Exactly.I can't believe the animosity from that poster.

He's asked his son how he feels about it and his son said he's ok with it. But acknowledged that he is 7 and he might not be.

It's nothing to do with telling his ex what she can and can't do. He's worried about you impact on his son and if it's too soon.

You're not unreasonable, but you are powerless in this situation. The best thing you can do is continue to provide a stable environment for your son at your home.