To completely ignore 2 faced neighbour?

[picklerosa]

I did get on relatively well with NDN and always thought she was nice.

I had an issue with other neighbours kids constantly trespassing on my property and when I got big fences erected one neighbour had an issue with it and stopped talking too me.

My NDN is very friendly and pally with this neighbour, they are Facebook friends, go round for cuppas etc.

I heard from a friend who lives down the road ( an elderly couple) that my NDN has been slagging me of and talking about me to other neighbours.

Basically siding with this other neighbour (whom I have only engaged with a few times, I just didn’t like her son constantly walking past my windows and playing on my drive).

Since all this my NDN dosent really talk to me as she used too.
Just says “hello” and walks off.
Definitely an atmosphere.

Seeing as she is siding with this other neighbour I don’t want to be doing her any favours.

Having her parcels delivered too me whilst she is at work.

Letting her visitors park in my drive when she has parties.

Collecting her bins when she is at work.

Allowing her to use my green bin so she’s doesn’t have to pay for one.

AIBU to be stopping this?
She isn’t friendly at all anymore and I am not a mug end of the day.
Surely the other neighbour can help her out.

Absolutely agree with your ideas, perks that come from being a friendly neighbour should be withdrawn - as you say the other neighbour who she is friendly with can now ‘fill in the gaps’. If she is being off with you anyway you have nothing to loose.

Nope not unreasonable at all, but i do expect she will kick off somewhat as that's what rude, cheeky fucker neighbours do!

Yeah I would deffo stop doing all that stuff for her - YANBU

Don't get involved in the drama OP. If you no longer want to do them favours, then don't, but don't give the gossip any headspace. The elderly couple are shit stirring.

I don't talk to my ndn at all. Blank them as they're selfish tits.

Do as you please. Sounds like yours is out of order.

I agree you shouldn’t have to do favours for someone who’s clearly distancing themselves from your friendship and disagrees with you about the trespassing kids issue.

BUT I would think long and hard about stirring up ill feeling between you and your NDN because a neighbour who says a friendly hello and might do return favours for you with parcels/parking is better than a neighbour who active dislikes you and potentially starting a feud.

Neighbours are the absolute worst people to fall out with because they can create so much drama especially when coming to sell your house and coming up with petty reasons to argue with you.

If you can just rub along as you are now but stop going above and beyond (like just don’t do her bins if she isn’t there and say no to the delivery man with her parcels as she will never know) but I wouldn’t overtly have a row

Stop it all - ignore both of them

"I heard from a friend who lives down the road"

So you're ok with some neighbours talking, as long as it's not about you?

If you suddenly stop doing her favours, are you going to admit that you were listening to neighbour gossip too?

I think if you want to live in peace, sometimes you have to take a step back. If the things you do for your neighbour do not cost you time and money, just let it carry on. It won’t be pleasant if you start a war with your neighbour.

It sounds like you do a lot for her. I'd definitely tell her she needs to sort her own bin as it's no longer convenient for her to use yours. Stop taking her bins in as that's an easy one. I'd see whether stopping doing those two means she takes the hint and stops asking you to take in parcels for her or use your driveway.

I'd also distance myself a little from the elderly neighbours, as they've shown themselves to be gossips. Be polite and pass the time of day, but don't share anything personal or get drawn into chit chat about what the other neighbours are doing.

I feel as if she had taken my kindness for granted.

She dosent even say thank you.

She also created a Facebook group page for the residents in the estate and hasn’t invited me Or mentioned it to me.

I will just stick to a polite “hello” and that’s it.

I won’t be doing her any more favours from now on.

It’s not a very nice atmosphere here anymore as I feel as if you say anything about kids bad behaviour (trespassing, damaging property) they take an issue with it.

With her parcels, she has a Ringdoor, so she will be aware that I have declined her parcel.
I will just stop opening the door to random delivery drivers unless I am expecting a parcel.

Personally I would ask your NDN if anything has upset her rather than assuming, or listening to hearsay. If she then tells you outright that it’s because of your fence/ neighbours children you can have an answer readily prepared. ‘My privacy is really important to me, I have found it invasive, stressful and upsetting to have people walking over my property and so I decided to put up a fence to maintain my privacy. Will this continue to affect our friendship or do you think we can get past it?’ See how she reacts. If she’s awful, withdraw all of your neighbourly perks. If she’s prepared to talk reasonably about everything, maybe see how things go. A feud with your neighbour, especially without a word being shared, would be very stressful for you. I would try and keep everything as amicable as possible, even if you can’t stand her.

She definitely is very off hand with me, usually she would talk for ages and was extremely friendly.

To be honest the fence is not even on her side and dosent effect her in anyway and hasn’t really got anything to do with her.

Problem is everyone has Ringdoor bells around here and our convo wouldn’t even be private and the other neighbours would hear.

I think I am just better off just continuing to say “hello” to her and carrying on about my business.

It is probably better that way as all my neighbours are female and at the moment it is a very bitchy atmosphere.

I don’t particularly want to be doing her bins, taking her parcels in, her using my green bin which I pay an annual fee for and have her visitors park on my driveway.

I only did it to help her out as she was nice and friendly but now that’s not the case I won’t bother.

We had this.

Our NDN after many years of being quite friendly suddenly did something very two faced and underhanded to do with another neighbour we were having a legal dispute with, and then tried to lie about it to us when discovered.

We just simply withdrew every favour. We simply just acted without any words. Just stopped or said no as each things came up. Parcels declined, trellis we’d spent a fortune on for her plants to climb up our fence taken down, no more asking her to pet sit our pets, which clearly sent the message we wouldn’t be looking after her many various large livestock type animals and garden anymore when they go on holiday several times a year (and no other neighbour is willing or able to do this for them and it’s more than an average pet sitter would take on), no more letting relatives park on our drive, no more Christmas or birthday cards etc We won’t be taken the P out of like that. All the neighbours here slag each other off behind backs while being friendly to everyone’s faces and we had thought next door were okay and different but clearly not. Since everything has been withdrawn they’ve not had the guts to say anything and we just smile and ignore them.

@R0setheHat
How did your NDJ react to you withdrawing the favours and help?

I don’t want to get into a verbal confrontation with her or anything, I just don’t want to be helping her or her expecting me to still be doing favours for her after her being two faced and siding with a the other neighbour.
I haven’t even done anything wrong.
I put up a fence on the opposite side to stop kids keep walking past shouting and playing on my drive.
I have a young baby who would be constantly woken up by it all, it seems people here don’t like it when you stick up for yourself and create boundaries .

Everyone here talk about each other behind each others back as well where I tend to keep out of all the drama.

We hadn’t done anything wrong either. We did them loads of favours that no other neighbours can or are willing to do for them so they’ve shot themselves in the foot quite badly. The dispute with our other neighbour didn’t affect them and wasn’t their business. In fact they said some really horrid things about this other neighbour including calling them chavs.

They haven’t reacted at all. Parcels are declined to the courier (we never do and never have done the leave with neighbour thing with our deliveries, we have a safe place), we just stopped communicating over the mutual animal and garden sitting, no discussion required. We put a big stone column (the base of a bird table which acts like a bollard) in our driveway to stop their visitors parking there. One of them tried to tie more plants on our trellis after I’d carefully removed them, so I just went over and said with a jolly smile “yeah we’re removing the trellis shorty so that’s not a good idea” and walked off. If we see them we generally just pretend they don’t exist. A van scraped their car a few weeks ago and we saw it on our CCTV (they don’t have a camera). We just didn’t say anything, they didn’t ask us for any footage (we certainly wouldn’t give it to anyone other than the police now), so there we are. It’s actually less stressful not doing all this stuff for them.

Don't engage.
Don't answer your door.
Say I am busy.

She's a CF.
Strange how some people cannot bear when others will not put up with their bullshit.

Some years ago my friend had a family move in that were noisy and weren't considerate.
They were dismissive and rude when she tried to speak to them.
They had 3 very noisy teens that were so loud.

They were a semi detached and their children were playing loud music very late.

Friend loved her house, walking distance to work for her and her husband, schools, urban setting.
She wasn't interested in moving.
They were on a very large corner site and the sun in the afternoon came from their side.

They were going to extend their house with a large new extension but had intended to not go back as far as they could.

The noise late at night was the deciding factor and they put in planning for a massive extension which would put their neighbours house and a third of their garden in darkness.

They nearly lost their minds when they realised what was happening.
Their appeal was rejected and she got full planning.
The extension went up, doubling the size of the house.
They neighbours had a huge blank wall where before they had full sun.
No sun whatsoever on their patio from about 2pm onwards, into their kitchenand living area.

Friend put bedrooms in the new extended part and play room and living area in the old part that was sensitive to noise.

A small bit of consideration and it could have been avoided.
If I was the neighbours I would be devastated at the impact of loosing the afternoon and evening sun in my back garden.

I think you can silently withdraw your help, and would encourage you to! You don't deserve that treatment

Oh and the definitely fxxked up their house valuation.
I wouldn't touch it with a monstrosity blocking out for evening sun.
We actually couldn't believe she got planning for it.
It was a really good lesson in that you never know what your neighbours might build and how it can affect you.

A dear single friend bought a lovely new house, moved in, and within two weeks two planning notices have gone up on either side of her.
She is objecting but not holding out hope.
They will both put her garden in shade all day.
Awful.

A totally understandable reaction from you in the circumstances, however…

Be careful. You are potentially alienating yourself from ALL your neighbours by the sound of it, and getting along with neighbours is a key ingredient to a happy life.
I know that you believe you have done nothing wrong, but others clearly disagree.
Do you want to make this a hill to die on?
Only your life will be made harder if you push back too strongly, unless of course you are can planning to move house?

I just got my own bin this morning, she only got her own bin after as well and then went to work, she never got anyone else’s bin.

Basically my NDN’s neighbour’s kids were constantly trespassing on my drive, damaging property and waking up my kids with them playing on my drive.

So I got a fence.
My NDN used to be/is very friendly with this neighbour and obviously sided with her even though all I did was get a fence, not bothering anyone.

To be honest we are looking at moving anyway.

Not necessarily if “getting on with your neighbours” means being under the thumb of the mean girls. We don’t speak to any of our immediate neighbours now, they leave us alone and nobody tries to take advantage of us anymore because they know it’s futile and we won’t stand for it

Things will just settle down. Give it a few weeks. Rise above it. She’s just being aloof and excluding you that’s not uncommon with neighbours just read some of the threads about neighbours on here. Yes you could move but potentially to somewhere with even worse neighbours, at least you know what you’re dealing with where you are

Good for you. As long as you’re happy!

It’s been at least a few months now since the fence went up.

I usually keep myself to myself when it comes to neighbours usually never went further then a “hello” but my NDN was the one who would do my door for a “chat” ask for favours etc.
Lesson learned.

I should of implemented boundaries from the beginning with her.

@R0setheHatI would love to take a leaf out of your book.
I usually find it awkward when the concerned neighbours are out at the same time as me.

I will just continue to ignore them and act as if they aren’t there.
Good for you for standing up for yourself.