Husband upset me at party. Maybe over reacting?

[GiveWay]

Little gathering of friends. Chat was about crazy things young ppl do cosmetically. I told a story about a girl I know from work who gets salmon sperms injected under her eyes

Group was listening and chatting. General good mood. Then DH says "ah what did they inject you with then? Whale sperms?" to me. Everyone laughs. Then everyone goes awkward. Conversation moves swiftly on

I dont know if he was calling me fat or saying ive got big bags under my eyes. He knows im self conscious about both

Then when we get a moment he looks at me and says "only a joke love" as he must have seen how awkward it was.

He has a habit of doing this. He says he doesn't mean any harm and hes just making ppl laugh

How would people react? He is awkward socially and gets jokes wrong.

Im in the taxi on way home and I've tried to ask him but he is getting annoyed and just saying didn't mean anything.

Nasty and unnecessary. Does he do similar often? Not great TBH

Wow. I don't know what you can do about this/him.. You'll have to talk to him.. Maybe there's a name for this kind of issue. Best wishes Op

This is a habit. I’d have serious words. Does he not give you the major ick?

He’s insulting and laughing at you in front of others. How can that ‘not mean anything’ when it’s so hurtful? I’m sorry to do the cliche LTB, but if that were my husband, that behaviour would result in a divorce level conversation.

It doesn't really matter what his intent was (eg a joke), it's the impact that matters.

It's how it makes you feel that matters.

These things change how someone feels in their relationship.

An occasional joke that just lands badly is one thing but, if he does this regularly, he's not very invested in your emotional safety is he?

It sounds like he enjoys knocking you down a peg - I don’t know how else to word it but that’s the sort of thing it seems to be.

He's negging you in front of others to put you in your place and destroy your confidence. Physical insults are not funny, they're hurtful. He knows that but he does it anyway. If the insults were accidental, he would be very apologetic that he hurt your feelings instead of getting annoyed.

I’d tell him to stop making you the butt of his jokes as it upsets you, regardless of his intent. And that if he does it again you’ll know he’s doing it despite knowing it upsets you, which will be a dealbreaker for you.

Tbh I think you’re over reacting. I’d have just replied haha very funny! That said if this habitual and you find it upsetting you need to speak to him

I can't think of any way that could be construed as not insulting.

Next time you see him naked ask if his scrotum was injected with ant sperms and that's why he has a small penis..
Then make plans to ltb.
He is a fucking bully.

I used to work in a shop in my teens & every time some older guy said ‘I left her at home’ or ‘she’s stood next to me’ when I asked if they wanted a bag made me want to shrivel up. It’s 2025, how have none of these men learned not to put their wives down for rubbish jokes?!

Only you know your husband, ie does he have your best interest genuinely at heart & just pitched this really wrong, or is he completely just dismissing your feelings?

This would be a deal breaker for me though after the first time. Especially the lack of willingness to reassure me/validate my feelings/right the wrong or however we want to put it.

Do feel free to congratulate him on a perfect impersonation of David Brent from The Office.

It's the same old same old. Someone laughing at you not with you. "Only a bit of fun' Its worth saying again and again, if it isn't funny to the 'target' person it's not a joke it's a form of bullying. I can make people laugh at you to make me feel big.

I was trying to think who it reminded me of - you've nailed it.

I hate this type of “humour” with every fibre of my being and it’s probably the #1 I cut contact with my brother.

If you’re making someone feel bad and/or cry, then it’s not funny.

What an absolute snider. Find your rage and make it clear if he ever does it again he'll be out in his unfunny arse.

Does he ever try to make people laugh by mocking his own appearance?

How would people react? He is awkward socially and gets jokes wrong.

As his comment wasn't even funny, I think your friends probably awkwardly laughed out of some weird sense of politeness or discomfort.

I'm sure they all think he's a prick and feel sorry for you.

It's a pretty nasty individual that hones in on something they know their wife feels unhappy about, and makes her feel worse, dressing his nastiness up as "jokes" or "banter".

What a nasty piece of work he is!

I agree with this. He took a cheap shot at you for laughs. Not funny, not kind, not clever.

I bet your friends think he's a dick. I know I do; and if a friend's partner said anything like this in front of me, I'd have told him, Not Fucking. Funny.

It’s not the first time it has happened. It’s time to put on your most haughty voice when he does it next, look down on him and loudly tell him to stop making a spectacle of himself, then turn away.

Another one is to look him up and down and then loudly tell the person next to you he hasn’t been well…tinkly laugh.

I was really shocked reading that, so can imagine hoe awkward it must've been

A man who will put his woman down to amuse his mates is a TWAT!

I'd ltb because of that, but thats been my whole life experience so that kind of thing really pisses me off

If hes not even willing to discuss it and apologise, what's the point in trying to speak about it

If i wasnt gonna leave, I would have a nasty comeback ready for the next time he tries it. A really cutting one. And i'd be ready to argue in front of everyone, if he dares get pissed off.

Yanbu and deserve better xx

Thats not ok. He should be your cheerleader, you most definitely shouldn't be the butt of his jokes. Thats gross. I'm sorry OP.

Using you to be the butt of his jokes isn't a loving thing to do. Have words, put him straight and tell him to do this no more.