I used to post under various names of Redstripelassie about 7 years plus ago.

[RedstripeAlias]

I don't know if anyone remembers or cares at all as I'm sure this forum has changed posters loads.

I haven't really posted about my life for a long time but thought I'd update you hopefully put the minds of any long suffering helpful posters back in the day at rest.

It took a long time but things are better now.

I should have of course left my ex about 10 years ago and did briefly 9 years ago but finally managed it this year.

I've addressed my own issues with drink/substances and whilst I'm not perfect I'm working on it.

The 3 year old I used to post about is now in high school! Doing well but with a lots of behaviour problems behind closed doors. We have involvement with the right people and I feel so guilty. My younger one is doing well too.
I sound vague about them but that's not because I don't care but because I don't want to go into further details about my kids incase anything is identifiable.

I'm sorry it took me being an attention seeking twat on here to finally realise how shit our life was. I was deliberately annoying and goady at times on Mumsnet whilst telling the exact truth but pretending I was naive or didn't care. I guess it was a way of validating my deeper feelings that things weren't right but pretending I thought it was fine.

Thank you to the wise women that helped souch even if it should have happened years ago.

I wasn't on MN 7 years ago.
Just wanted to say well done in getting the help you need.

Thanks @Shitwithsugar 🙏, tbf it should have happened long ago but later is better than never.

I was :D Well done, glad you made it out!

I remember your posts back then, well done on getting out in the end.

I remember you too. Glad you’re out and getting help

I remember your posts - our daughters were similar ages, and your threads stuck in my mind. Am I remembering rightly that you did leave for a few months, but went back to him - you posted quite a bit as you felt conflicted, and people were telling you not to return? (Apologies if that wasn’t you).

I’m glad you are now out of the relationship and getting the help your children need.

I was here under a different name too. I do remember you because your life was so chaotic, dare I say it, an absolute shit show. I recall the feeling of communal disappointment when you ended up back with your ex.

I am glad you are out and sincerely hope that you continue to do well for yourself and your kids.

Hiya @RedstripeAlias. I remember.

Im glad you've left. Well done.

I remember too.
I hope your children recover.

I remember you. Well done on making changes and gaining that insight and understanding. It’s not easy. Good luck with everything from now.

Yes, that was/is me. Mad to think so many people still on here!

I was so disappointed with myself too.

I remember.
It’s easy to know what to do. Hard to achieve it.

There are so many obstacles. You need everything to line up, including your own resilience.

I’m glad you made it.

@EllieQ

We're you in the group on here where we went pics of our Christmas trees in 2016?

How's your highschooler?

i remember you as well
really hope you are happier & more content

I remember you too. I'm glad you finally made it out and your daughter's getting some help to deal with it all.

I remember you too. I'm so glad you got out. All the best to you and your kids.

Thanks for your words . The fact that I left it this long and it's impacted on my 12 yr old is a something I'll never forgive myself for.

I remember you too. Well done and onwards and upwards!

Thanks, @Mydustymonstera also I have a very dusty monstera that I go between over and under watering!

I'm so glad to hear this OP, I remember all your threads and feeling so worried about your children and you. I'm also sad to know it's impacted your children long term. Well done for getting yourself away from that awful awful man.

I can't bear how it's impacted my eldest child. We used to be close but now I'm hated. I deserve it for letting this go on for so long but it truly is a reason for anyone years before me to get out soon. He (she prefers her Dad). She hates me and just swears and hits me.

I remember your thread about her swearing and hitting when she was 3 @RedstripeAlias. It's not uncommon for children who have had a difficult time at an early age to take it out on the 'safe' caregiver, especially if they have seen that caregiver being abused in the past. Are you able to access any support for her?

No, I wasn’t in that group, I don’t think! My DD is doing well, got another year at primary school to go. It seems to have flown by.

It’s interesting that you say you were deliberately goady and pretending you didn’t care. I remember a couple of threads where you did seem really baffled by comments that were obvious to the rest of us (like the fact that people would disapprove of your then-DP smoking weed in a playground), but that makes sense now.

I recall your mum and sister didn’t seem very supportive of you wanting to leave / didn’t see any problems with your ex’s drinking and weed smoking (IIRC your dad was an alcoholic, which probably influenced this). Has this changed now? I hope they are supportive of you now.

@RedstripeAlias only joined here recently so don't know your backstory. Just to say well done on getting yourself sorted. It's not easy to turn things around x

@EllieQ yes I grew up around weed/alcohol being normal and not much has changed.

I think because I hid what would be considered bad by my family DV and not substance abuse they didn't see anything as wrong.

They are all very supportive of me now.