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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband and another woman!!!

34 replies

Tiredmumof3boy · 16/08/2025 16:18

My husband recently met a woman through a sport he follows. He claims they are just friends. My 2 older kids have met her through watching football games. They sit together during the games and have sat together during away games. It's the school holidays and he took the kids to meet her at a local park and for lunch. He didn't tell me about it. He then posted the photos onto social media sparking comments from my friends asking if everything is OK. I've told him I'm not at all happy that he took my kids to meet this woman and find it strange she wants to spend a weekday out with my husband and kids-she doesn't have kids. I've asked him how this day out came about as the sport season has ended therefore how and why are they still messaging each other. He's telling me I'm ridiculous and won't answer my questions. Am I being paranoid???

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 16/08/2025 16:21

You're clearly not being paranoid. What a thing to do!! I think you have to use this anger, cards on the table, he categorically doesn't see her again. Blocks her on everything. And request full transparency as to how this all came about.
Then you decide what you want to do, based on his responses. At the moment, he's hoping you'll back down and let him continue whatever this is.

Tink3rbell30 · 16/08/2025 16:28

Just taking a wild guess she's younger, attractive and possibly "could do with friends/going through a tough time". This needs to end now.

Original poster
Tiredmumof3boy · 16/08/2025 16:49

Thanks for your reply. He seems to think that because he's previously offered for me to attend the sporting event where she is goes that makes it all OK?

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 16/08/2025 16:53

No it is not OK.

Freeme31 · 16/08/2025 16:58

Your not happy with him spending time with another woman, believe me not many would be and taking your children to meet her (pretty disgusting). He knows your unhappy about it but it means more to him to keep her happy and meet up on “dates” when he sould be engaging/watching your children he chatting/lunching etc with her (poor kids they must have felt awkward with daddy and his girlfriend. Nip this in the bud & tell himand her it’s not on. His response to this will be telling is he really willing to give up his wife & kids for someone he met at a sports event. Tell him to get real. This has emotional affair written all over it

NPET · 16/08/2025 17:01

Well I'll start from my firm belief that MEN CAN'T BE TRUSTED.
But here, I mean wtf?
There's obviously SOMEthing going on - I'm not suggesting it's necessarily a 'worst case scenario' as it sounds as if your children are usually with them.
But you're certainly right to be suspicious and want to thrash out any wrongdoings.
Sorry I should have started by saying that I feel sorry for you.

InBedBy10 · 16/08/2025 17:06

I dont know, some of these responses seem extreme. The fact that he brought the kids and posted it on social media means he's not sneaking around or trying to hide anything. I wouldn't immediately jump to affair.

If you're not comfortable with it, talk to him camly. Explain how you feel. I wouldn't react well if my partner started dictating who I could be friends with. It's controlling and borderline abusive.

Unless you're going to drip feed that he has a history of cheating. In which case get rid. You cant spend your whole life watching his every move. You either trust him or you dont.

MarvellousMonsters · 16/08/2025 17:10

He’s being clueless and insensitive at best, or straying under the guise of an innocent sporting interest. In your situation I’d go to a few of these meet-ups, there is a possibility that it’s completely benign, and they really are just friends (I have several very good male friends, platonic relationships do exist) but you need to reassure yourself one way or another. Banning him from seeing her is not really the answer, have a conversation about trust, and acceptable behaviour.

Homeandgarden · 16/08/2025 17:17

The fact he didn't tell you he was going on a date with this woman speaks volumes.
You need to have a serious conversation with him about appropriate behaviour and boundaries when he is supposed to be in a monogamous marriage with you.
Even if this is so far just friendship it has all the potential for developing into something serious between them.

ginasevern · 16/08/2025 17:18

No, you're not being paranoid. This is usually how it starts. Does he really think you're that fucking stupid OP.

Floranan · 16/08/2025 17:22

if It’s all so innocent, would he be happy with you doing the same with a nice young man what sauce for the goose as they say

TheHouseElf · 16/08/2025 19:16

Not OK. This is a marriage deal breaker - he ends his friendship with her, no more texts, no more meetings, or call quits on the marriage.

Skybluepinky · 16/08/2025 19:37

Next he’ll be saying he is leaving as you are being unreasonable! Get rid.

Lucyintheskywithdiamonnds · 16/08/2025 19:39

YANBU. He’s got a crush on her and she likes him. He can’t see her any more. You start doing the sport runs. She’s single and sniffing around and he’s well, a bloke.

BettyBobble · 16/08/2025 19:45

How old are your older children who he took to meet her

Original poster
Tiredmumof3boy · 16/08/2025 20:19

Older 2 are 5 and 8 x

OP posts:
MyAcornWood · 16/08/2025 20:21

I’d be absolutely fucking furious with him for using our children in his pathetic little game. He’s hiding in plain sight here op and thoroughly disrespecting you and your marriage in the process.

Original poster
Tiredmumof3boy · 16/08/2025 20:45

He's still insisting nothing is happening. He's said he's invited me to come along to games for months (true) but it's just not a sport for me. He said because he normally sits eith said girl and her mum who loosly know my mum then it's OK. And on the day in question this womans mum happened to be working. And sees such a little problem posted it on socials as genuinely can't see what is wrong. He's saying come along to next game and see!!! Not gonna lie I've either over reacted or bring completely gaslighted

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiredmumof3boy · 16/08/2025 20:45

He's still insisting nothing is happening. He's said he's invited me to come along to games for months (true) but it's just not a sport for me. He said because he normally sits eith said girl and her mum who loosly know my mum then it's OK. And on the day in question this womans mum happened to be working. And sees such a little problem posted it on socials as genuinely can't see what is wrong. He's saying come along to next game and see!!! Not gonna lie I've either over reacted or bring completely gaslighted

OP posts:
Homeandgarden · 16/08/2025 20:53

If she goes to the matches with her Mum is she very young OP?

Even if her Mum wasnt working why on earth would he have been meeting up with this woman and her Mum anyway?
If their connection is going to football matches why is he meeting them in the park . Doesn't make any sense.

The only thing that actually does make sense of this meet up is him fancying the young woman.

Silverbirchleaf · 16/08/2025 20:55

It’s not unusual to chat to people at football faves, especially if you see them week in and week out. Friendships do develop.

However, planning to meet up for lunch and the park, is overstepping the mark. He probably thinks that, because the children were there, it’s all platonic, but then he boasted about it on social media. And why would she even go if there wasn’t a spark? That’s stepping into EA territory.

Do you know if they message outside games? If their conversation is only limited to matches, that’s not so bad. If more, then not so good.

Original poster
Tiredmumof3boy · 16/08/2025 20:59

She's nearly 30 x

OP posts:
HelloHellNo · 16/08/2025 21:00

Honestly, I wouldn't care about him being friends with a woman.

I wouldn't be happy with the lying by omissions.

You are clearly unhappy with his " friendship" with this this girl. You are unhappy with him involving your kids with her. You are unhappy with him posting picture on social media. It doesn't matter if he's doing anything or not. Your not happy. You find the relationship inappropriate. Choosing to continue it under those circumstances tels you everything you need to know.

SomewhatDissatisfied · 16/08/2025 21:05

NPET · 16/08/2025 17:01

Well I'll start from my firm belief that MEN CAN'T BE TRUSTED.
But here, I mean wtf?
There's obviously SOMEthing going on - I'm not suggesting it's necessarily a 'worst case scenario' as it sounds as if your children are usually with them.
But you're certainly right to be suspicious and want to thrash out any wrongdoings.
Sorry I should have started by saying that I feel sorry for you.

SO let me get this straight then a woman sniffing around a married man with kids lapping up the attention……but MEN can’t be trusted????

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 16/08/2025 21:07

When did you last have sex, OP?