Does your husband do any cleaning?

[Sunflowers13]

Interested to know this, as amongst my friends and family it seems quite normal for the husbands to do no cleaning/housework. Maybe a minimal amount of cooking.

I’ve been with dh for 20 years and I knew that he was not a clean and tidy person when we met but we got on in most ways so…

We keep coming back to the same old arguments.

Dh (imo) is a hoarder, very messy and not vey clean. He’s clean with his personal hygiene, but when he had his own house he never cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed the stairs, dusted, changed his bedding.

He has made great efforts to not be so messy and to try and stop hoarding. He’s also good at DIY and cooking. I do most of the housework/cleaning. He will stick the dishwasher on, put a wash load on (usually forgets to hang it out). That sort of thing.

Sometimes, I want to do a biggish job, like sort out our bedroom like a deep clean/declutter. And I’ll say can we do such and such today. This isn’t like every week it’s once in a while. Dh gets really annoyed (but he denies this) and he starts saying that it isn’t a good time, or that I need to pick my moments, or there’s no point because it will just get messy again. Or he starts passively aggressively banging around.

Usually in the end he will apologise and help, but it’s the same old shit every time.

I feel like unless I just do everything housework wise forever more we are just going to keep repeating the same old arguments.

For info we both work, me slightly less hours, but I am responsible for 100% of childcare around my work, I do all the evening clubs with the dc. 90% of housework.

Dh does most of the cooking because I’ve pretty much handed it over to him as it’s the only thing I feel I can rely on him to do. He does DIY as and when.

My DH does all the cooking, mowing thw lawn , mopping and the bathrooms all the rest falls to me. I dont think I have it bad but it has took 20 years to hone the balance lol

DH regularly cooks, washes up, cleans and tidies up kitchen, sorts all the bins in and around the house, does gardening/mows the lawn. He doesn't do much laundry (because he knows I like it done a certain (my) way!). He can use a hoover to clear up the mess after he's done a DIY job. He tidies up in general and helps our DC tidy up after themselves. He often stops off at the shops on the way home from work to pick up the odd item of food if we've run out or that somebody has requested.

My DP sounds exactly like yours. He is good at diy and cars so those are his jobs, I do everything else. He honestly thinks he does his fair share but the closest he gets to washing up is filling the sink with dirty dishes and leaving them to soak. He also refuses a cleaner, as he thinks it’s a waste of time as the house gets messy not long after. We don’t have kids, fortunately. I do it all, and give him a list of diy jobs to work through in his spare time. His dad is really clean and tidy. It’s a shame it hasn’t been passed on.

Why does your husband work part time?

children?

If asked will do a reasonable job. If not asked does nothing. He's lazy. I can't think of any other reason why, when I get back home after a twelve hour day I unload the dishwasher and then cook dinner.

This is just unfathomable to me! Is he at home all day? Do you… love him? Respect him? Because he clearly doesn’t respect you

This is just unfathomable to me! Is he at home all day? Do you… love him? Respect him? Because he clearly doesn’t respect you

Yes he's home all day. I do love him. Not quite sure where I'm sitting on the respect part of the question. As I said if I tell him what to do he does it. But I'm not his mum and I don't really think I should need to tell a grown man to put his plate in the dishwasher.

He sits at home all day
Does nothing
you work 12 hours a day and then come home and cook and do housework

Toxic combo of a martyr and a piss taker

No
Nothing, together 30 years and I've always had to do the cleaning
But I'm a SAHM , unfortunately,due to adult and teenage DC with disabilities.
If I was earning half the money I'd put my foot down ,no problem and insist he does half the cleaning..but I'm not ,so I can't .
Does piss. Me off no end and causes massive resentment,but I'm stuck in this situation

Yes, my husband does the majority of the cooking and cleaning

My DH does almost no cleaning. He cooks probably more than 50% of the time because he really enjoys and gets to chose what we eat and is sure this is pulling his weight. When he shops he buys the things that he needs for today's recipe, and doesn't think of other stuff like milk, things for pack lunches, cat food etc.
He does all or nothing cleaning. So maybe once a year he'll have a really thorough clean pulling out furniture , decluttering etc but largely is unaware of every day "maintenance cleaning"

Yes. He’s retired now so does it all unless I’m on a holiday. I cook on my days off

Yes, we completely share housework.

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t do their share and watched while someone else did it all. Says a lot about them as a person.

Does it if I ask. Does all the outside jobs though and 95% of the cooking.

My husband will wash up, hoover/clean the floors, clean the bathrooms/kitchen etc. Shop. Will cook but I prefer to. I put the washing on because I don't want the machine breaking (electricals break around him all the time). He will hang it or put in the dryer though.

He used to be a piss taking lazy fucker though until we had a chat about respect and doing fair shares, in the early days.

My husband just asked me if I posted this question lol

Mine would be happy to live like an overgrown student if left to his own devices. We both work full time, but he works shifts and has a longer commute.

I love him to bits and we have a great relationship in the main, but he's crap at running a house (and he has had to do it by himself for most of his adult life - his first wife died young - plus mum and sisters wouldn't let him get away with anything. It's just his personality rather than misogyny). There's no hint in him of it being women's work or anything like that, he's just laid back to a fault.

He does do his own laundry 99% of the time, will do bits of mine and dds if asked, sometimes half does the kitchen, never does the bloody bathroom (other than leaving the toilet clean, but no medals for that), does a small amount of tidying here and there, and does keep his own bit of the bedroom tidy. He doesn't cause much mess, I guess.

He will happily help with no flouncing with anything else when I "press enter" - my words - basically, tell him what he needs to do. To me it's obvious when xyz needs doing (and my standards have gone down and down over the years), but he really doesn't seem to see it, and after my exh who did fuck all AND was an abusive and misogynistic twat with it, tbh I've accepted it. I care much more, wfh most of the time, and will always be doing the lion's share of housework, plus all the organising of it.

I actually had this conversation with DH earlier and I asked him if he had ever cleaned the toilet in our house (we’ve been together 12 years) and of course the answer was no. I’m not sure what he did when he lived on his own as I don’t remember his house being too bad.

He does all of the cooking and I do most of the cleaning. He will happily do some if I mention a job that needs doing. Our teenage son does his own washing and his room. I feel it’s pretty equal.