Does your husband do any cleaning?

[Sunflowers13]

Interested to know this, as amongst my friends and family it seems quite normal for the husbands to do no cleaning/housework. Maybe a minimal amount of cooking.

I’ve been with dh for 20 years and I knew that he was not a clean and tidy person when we met but we got on in most ways so…

We keep coming back to the same old arguments.

Dh (imo) is a hoarder, very messy and not vey clean. He’s clean with his personal hygiene, but when he had his own house he never cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed the stairs, dusted, changed his bedding.

He has made great efforts to not be so messy and to try and stop hoarding. He’s also good at DIY and cooking. I do most of the housework/cleaning. He will stick the dishwasher on, put a wash load on (usually forgets to hang it out). That sort of thing.

Sometimes, I want to do a biggish job, like sort out our bedroom like a deep clean/declutter. And I’ll say can we do such and such today. This isn’t like every week it’s once in a while. Dh gets really annoyed (but he denies this) and he starts saying that it isn’t a good time, or that I need to pick my moments, or there’s no point because it will just get messy again. Or he starts passively aggressively banging around.

Usually in the end he will apologise and help, but it’s the same old shit every time.

I feel like unless I just do everything housework wise forever more we are just going to keep repeating the same old arguments.

For info we both work, me slightly less hours, but I am responsible for 100% of childcare around my work, I do all the evening clubs with the dc. 90% of housework.

Dh does most of the cooking because I’ve pretty much handed it over to him as it’s the only thing I feel I can rely on him to do. He does DIY as and when.

One of my tactics when I was dating many moons ago is when I went round the blokes house, I’d open his cupboards and look under the bed when he went to the loo. That way, I could see if he had stuffed crap in the cupboards and dirty plates under the bed just because I was coming over. A few times I saw some sights, including a mouldy dinner plate in a sock drawer.

But a man who lived independently, kept a clean house and cooked well for himself was a non negotiable standard because I am a very clean and tidy person and I would get very stressed living with another adult who was messy. I also saw my own parents marriage disintegrate because of the man child that was my father who expected my mum to pick up after him. My tactic served me well.

20 years and 4 kids into a happy marriage where the house remains clean and tidy because I’m not left to do it all alone.

DH does more or less the same. I would be deeply unhappy if I was shouldering all of the household drudge.

Yes you're probably right. I guess it depends - for us cooking is an hour a night and I wouldn't say I spent that time cleaning daily - tidying and including laundry too then perhaps. I think I was trying to convey that there may be other jobs not listed that they do too, which may even it out. It's the reluctance too isn't it which is problematic.

We have a cleaner so nothing heavy duty involved but if my kids have left the kitchen dirty the night before, dh will clean it all when he gets up so it’s nice when I come down. He pulls his weight with everything without being asked.

My husband does 60% of the cleaning and 99% of the cooking.
He works from home and likes to eat fairly
early so he starts cooking as I’m on my 40min drive home usually. He does most of the laundry and does the dishes more often. I’m more likely to do things like scrub the bathroom, clean the windows, dust..
He does the bins, before I got
pregnant my ‘gross’ job was scooping the cat litter but unfortunately that is his now too 😅
When friends moan about their husbands I keep quiet because I’m the messy one 😅

DH does all the gardening ( and its a big garden ). I do all the housework/ laundry and he does the childcare as far as bath, bedtime, getting up in the night and in the morning. We are happy with that

Yes. He is a 'downstairs' tidier in that he will prioritise the kitchen, living room and downstairs bathroom and is far less likely to clean our bedroom. I'd say he cleans those spaces most days.

He is better at day-to-day maintenance. I tend to be the one who declutters, keeps on top of laundry, does the deeper clean stuff like skirting boards etc.

Edited to add he does 70% of the cooking too

I'm not married but my partner cleans: we take turns to cook/wash up and we split the weekend cleaning down the middle.

I can't see the point of having a man around who doesn't think its his job to clean?

If it cheers you up, mine is pretty useless at all housework.

Not sure why you're asking the question really. Yes, some husbands are crap at housework. I'm astonished at how many on here are saying how great their DHs are. While I'm certain some men are great (my dad is and always was), most of those I know don't nearly pull their weight around the house.

We share cooking and cleaning. His ability to adult effectively, including house stuff, was one of the things that attracted me to DH. He's also good at the parenting side of things. We do have divisions on some mental load life admin but it generally balances out. My parents had a pretty similar equal division of labour expectations in their relationship so it was something I looked for, and worked towards, in my own. The alternative - especially with both of us working - would have driven me nuts.

Nothing much day to day. He was super tidy though - you’d never see a stray sock on the floor!

And he’d cook in weekends and tidy as he went so nothing to do but put the used dishes in the dishwasher. But anything major he might say ‘let’s tackle the kids toys this weekend’ and we’d go through them and get rid of the never used ones etc. But no one likes a job sprung on them - a few days warning needed!

i do most of the house work other half with sometimes do some dishes and some washing of clothes but I mainly do it he does do the food shop because I don’t drive I meal plan cook and do nice gestures like cooking him nice meals for work aswell as eat together when he’s back

DH does bathrooms and hoovering, I do the kitchen. We share laundry, he probably does a bit more Ashe likes it, the utter weirdo. He is naturally untidy and needed telling but he grew up in a house with a housekeeper and then in catered accommodation as an undergraduate and then as a lodger as a postgraduate. So got to 26 having been just looked after.

In real life most of the women I know have partners who don't appear to pull their weight. I have to keep my mouth zipped when they talk about it.

I'm a lone parent so I can only (mostly) blame myself when it's messy. My teen DS has stepped up since he finished his exams. Unfortunately my younger teen has SEN and creates the mess of several toddlers.

No. My husband does hardly anything - and we both work full-time! He's never loaded/unloaded the dishwasher or used the washing machine and wouldn't have a clue when the bins go out! I generally do the grocery shop and all the washing/ironing. We very, very occasionally hoovers. I do my best, but I can't work miracles!

I'm much more likely to tidy before the cleaning lady comes. She will clean loos more than me though. I do more washing, she does more folding, I'm much more likely to do the washing up. I do most admin about school/activities, we take them to about half the activities each, she does way more cooking than me. My hours are more but home stuff I reckon I do over half, but she may think she does too. I also do all the gardening and DIY. Kids tend to do the dishwasher.

Do we have the same OH?! I swear mine cleans up mess before it exists!

No, none at all. But I can’t condemn him for that, he works absolutely ridiculous hours and I’m a sahm (well, I work v part time for our joint business), so it just works out that way. Doing nothing wouldn’t fly for a moment if he worked less. With all that being said, he has recently recognised that, as I am alone with a 3.5yo and a 5mo 99.9% of the time, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all at times and so has hired a cleaner.

Mine does all the cleaning. He insists on using kitchen towels to 'clean' most of the house, and changes bed-sheets once every 4 months. (we'll be getting a cleaner as soon as he gets a job)

@BlueRin5eBrigade this sounds like a bloomin depressing way to live in an unhappy marriage like this

My MIL trained my husband well 🤣
He had to do house work before school and weekends!
My MIL is immaculate and house proud
He does the dusting and hoovering every day when I’m at work because he’s home before me
i wash dishes and he dries and puts away, he also does his own laundry and if I got some laundry he’ll put it going in the machine for me so it’s ready to hang out when I get up on my days off.
He also goes shopping on his own
The one thing he doesn’t do is cook, unless it’s pizza or chips if I’m out or at work

My DP barely does any cleaning. Neither do I so we live in squalor. If we could only make the house look respectable, we could get a cleaner in to keep it that way. It’s a shithole atm

Yes absolutely loads. He doesn't work Monday/Tuesday so does childcare and cleans, cooks, does the washing, DIY, goes food shopping. He has also taken care of things so I can progress in my career.

I divorced one selfish man baby who wouldn't do any housework, I would never be with a lazy bastard like that again.

Isn’t that really shit to live in?