Would you say anything?

[Canonlythinkofthisone]

Try to keep this brief.
10 years ago, I started seeing a guy, he admitted he had previously slept with one of my close friends. This friend was and is still in a relationship. At the time, I questioned my friend as to why she hadnt said anything and she flat out denied all knowledge. We moved on.
Time has passed and we are still friends although not as close as we once were. I'm no longer with said ex.

She has 2 children, and frequently posts on social media. We occasionally meet as our youngest DC are a similar age.

As time goes on I cannot shake the idea that her eldest is not her DHs. He is in every way shape and form a spit of my now ex.

6 year ago or so when her eldest was 3.5 years old, I ended up working with her DH for several years and we became good friends too.

Part of me wants to say something to her about her eldest. Part of me thinks I should keep my nose firmly out. He may already know, although to my knowledge he never had an inkling of anything untoward all those years ago.

I just can't shake the fact he may be raising a child that isn't biologically is. But he thinks is. (I doubt it would change how he feels about his son tbh, but surely you'd want to know?!) Argh

Absolutely 100% fucking not.

I imagine it will come out eventually. I wouldn’t say anything though.

Good grief no.

No! Of course I wouldn't say anything! Why on earth would you want to?

I wouldn’t say anything. I also would be cooling that friendship to be honest.

I wouldn’t say anything unless she crossed you and then you can wield the sword of Damocles above her head and threaten to tell her husband that her eldest child is not his.

Going against the grain here but I would. Only as I would want to know in those circumstances.

Definitely not, absolutely none of your business. You don't even know if it's true and you'd be setting off a grenade in their family.
I'm questioning your real reasoning behind this.

Why are you so desperate to set the cat amongst the pigeons- about something that could be complete fiction

Whether the child is his or not they are a family and telling her husband risks tearing that apart which would be awful for the children.

What made you so bitter and spiteful that you would even think of doing that?

If you were an awful person you could do this.

Sure, go right ahead and blow up the lives of a family because you have a slight suspicion. What could go wrong.

Fwiw everyone thinks my oldest dd is my (female) childhood best friends child because they look and act similarly (only been back in touch for the last year so its not like she's grown up with her around) so your suspicions are pretty meaningless.

Do you have a crush on her husband? Wondering why you want to blow their lives up based on rumours. You weren't bothered by it enough to tell the husband your suspicions before you became good friends with him.

If you don’t want to be a part of the shit show, don’t buy a ticket. Simple.

He might already know. They may even be ok with each other having other sexual partners. You don’t know. What goes on in their marriage is between them. Keep out of it.

Stay firmly out of it. Their family is their business.

MYOB.

You sound like you want to wreck her life.

That would be a seriously awful thing to do. What good could it possibly do??

I definitely wouldn't tell her or husband.

But not to say that you aren't right
however, and if you are implying that you think that whilst you and the joint ex were together he might have cheated on you with her resulting in the child, then I think you are best to cut ties with her.

I would mind my own business!

But she doesn't even know if it's true. You'd risk tearing a family apart over a hunch?

Yes, absolutely say something. It’s clearly your moral duty to set a particularly enormous cat among the pigeons based on a ‘hunch’ that is in turn based on an ex of yours claiming to have slept with your friend.

You would destroy that family. Even if the boy isn't his, what benefit is there to breaking up a happy home? The dad would be heartbroken, it would ruin the boys life, they'd all hate you forever. Your ex is the only person to say they were together - the person who was and is still your friend denied it. Why don't you believe her? And now your creating stories in your head and contemplating destroying a family? Based on the word of an ex and your imagination. Based on this post I'd take a step back and think about what friendship and trust mean to me.

If she’s a close friend of yours, haven’t you raised the subject with her before now?

I wouldn't say anything and I would distance myself. As others said it's not in the child's best interests at this time. It's not your place - if it's true only the mother knows why this was kept a secret. I would try and put it out of your mind.