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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think some women introduce new partners to kids WAY too soon?!

31 replies

Labradorlover987 · 15/08/2025 22:04

I would like to caveat this thread with the starting point that I am a single mother to two children - I completely understand how hard it is and how isolating & lonely it can be.

However, I have been shocked by the actions of two friends recently - one is a mother of a child in my son’s year (aged 7) - she told me she was in a DV relationship, the father left in January for another woman and she has moved another guy into the home (she has three kids under 10) and they are acting like one big happy family. I don’t know him at all and he could be an amazing guy, it just seems very soon after the birth father leaving in January?!

The other is a close friend of mine - she has two children. Met a guy on tinder in April - I went to her house yesterday and there is a photo on the wall of her, the new guy and her two children?! And they’ve been together 4 months?!

This honestly blows my mind - I’m single but I can’t imagine letting a new partner meet my kids after a few months? What if it doesn’t workout?

AIBU or this is normal?

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 15/08/2025 22:09

Some parents introduce new partners to their DC way too soon, absolutely. But not just women!

cauliflowercheeseplease · 15/08/2025 22:19

Definitely not being unreasonable.

my best friend ( I love her to bits and luckily we have a relationship where I can tell her my views and she won’t get offended) had her daughter at 16. Didn’t work out with the father as he drank a lot and turned into an abusive alcoholic. She’s had multiple boyfriend over the years, some lasting a few months others a few years. She will always move fast and bring them home. Sadly her daughter is going through counselling because she’s always felt abandoned by her mum. They do have a good relationship but my friend always feels the need to be loved for some reason!

MuddyPawsIndoors · 15/08/2025 22:24

YANBU

And so many of these men are absolutely 'amazing' with the kids until they've got their feet under the table, and then completely change.

Beyoungbefoolishbegappy · 15/08/2025 22:25

Yanbu, it's so cruel on the children. At best there's a total stranger under their roof, at worse someone awful. People who do this don't care about their kids.

Panterusblackish · 15/08/2025 22:26

Why are just women getting the blame for this OP?

Do men not do it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2025 22:28

Panterusblackish · 15/08/2025 22:26

Why are just women getting the blame for this OP?

Do men not do it?

Sure they do but how many children are abused or killed by their dad’s girlfriend compared with mum’s boyfriend?

DidIdotheritething · 15/08/2025 22:28

So do some men.

TrixieFatell · 15/08/2025 22:28

I have worked in probation, this kind of scenario really concerns me for the safety of the children.

ChaToilLeam · 15/08/2025 22:29

YANBU. I've seen dear friends do this and it is nuts. It definitely doesn't do the kids any good.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2025 22:29

DidIdotheritething · 15/08/2025 22:28

So do some men.

She’s not talking about men. She’s talking about women, that she knows. By all means start a thread about men doing it.

BellaEllaWella · 15/08/2025 22:30

Completely agree - it’s nuts. Have seen a couple of friends who I though had pretty good judgement do it recently and it baffles me.

GreyCarpet · 15/08/2025 22:35

Panterusblackish · 15/08/2025 22:26

Why are just women getting the blame for this OP?

Do men not do it?

Men are rarely the resident parent.

It's bad enough when men do it and some random woman is there when they visit EOW it's far more damaging to children when a random man moves into their home.

And, again, this thread is about women who do it. If you want a thread about men who do it, start one.

PropertyD · 15/08/2025 22:38

I think for some women a man, any man needs to be moved in. Just why? Think of your children!

BookArt55 · 15/08/2025 22:39

My toxic ex's new girlfriend introduced him to her daughter in 4 or 5 months maximum, i think it was way less, a matter of weeks. He went a period of no direct contact with our kids when he first started dating her because of his erratic behaviour, but she met our kids on the second 3hr time he had with them, which was a maximum of 5.5 months since they met. By 10months they were all a family, she's giving evidence for the family law court that myself and ex were involved in, which included him saying that the daughter prefers him to her biological dad (who she sees 50/50) in official court documents, including photos of him on the sofa cuddling/napping with her to show what an amazing step dad he is. My kids enjoy the daughters company but they don't see her a sibling as yet, but it is very much being sold to them that is their sister and they will all be living together soon. Only reason it hasn't happened is because mummy (me!) Is trying to make daddy homeless (he still lives in the jointly owned property). But I think girlfriend and daughter are pretty much living there with him already. My daughter rarely sleeps in her bed, as the step daughter says it is her bed...
I on the other hand am happily single and have no interest in jumping into another relationship.
I worry that some single parents introduce too soon and trust too soon. Often we have had our blinkers on in a relationship, and that relationship has deteriorated for a multitude of reasons- one being that maybe we ignored some things that actually we could look back at and say that played a part in why the relationship ended, and were always present but we were ignoring/minimising/too in love to see. So now, my DV ex makes me doubt that I can make a good choice, so I for sure wouldn't be introducing too soon to my kids. They don't need to suffer that crap again. So I don't know how some parents fo it over and over and over...

OwlBeThere · 15/08/2025 22:43

Is it only women you have an issue with doing this? Because in the 12 years since my relationship with my kids dad ended, he has lived with 3 different women and had at least 2 other girlfriends my kids have met.
I’ve introduced them to one partner after over a year of dating. We are still living apart after 5 years together because it’s what’s best for my children.

Daisyvodka · 15/08/2025 22:49

Someone i know was really concerned that her best mate had introduced her new man to her kids after only 5 months of dating, and had all the concerns that people normally warn about... only to happily meet her new boyfriend children after 3 months of dating not all that long later....

Zov · 15/08/2025 22:51

100% agree. I know a woman right now, who has 2 DC by 2 different men who she was with for just a few months. (They'd gone by the time the baby(s) were born.) The DC are 5 and 3 now, and she has had 10 different men since the first one was born, lasting between 4 weeks and 3 months. Currently with a bloke who she met in January this year, (and moved in, in April.) It's the longest 'relationship' she has ever had at 7 months, and she has told her 2 DC to call him 'daddy.' She is 34, he is 19. Weird as fuck. I feel sorry for the kids.😬

ChannelLightVessel · 15/08/2025 22:57

I’ve mentioned this before, but I got divorced in the USA, which included a compulsory course on parenting post-divorce. It advised that DC shouldn’t even meet a new partner until the relationship was a year old.
However, in the real world, I can see that this isn’t always possible. DB’s XP, who is a very sensible woman and lovely mother, has had two long-term relationships (she’s still in the second one) since DB left her. In both cases, their DC already knew the new partner, one was a neighbour, the other a family friend.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/08/2025 22:59

Men do this too, why have you decided just to poke at women?

Original poster
Labradorlover987 · 15/08/2025 23:06

neverbeenskiing · 15/08/2025 22:09

Some parents introduce new partners to their DC way too soon, absolutely. But not just women!

Oh a million %!!! I should have put that in my question tbh - only reason I didn’t as two recent examples have been women but 100% agree men do this too (if not more!!!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Labradorlover987 · 15/08/2025 23:07

Panterusblackish · 15/08/2025 22:26

Why are just women getting the blame for this OP?

Do men not do it?

No you are a million % correct! I should have put ‘people’ rather than women - just happened to be that two recent examples for me were women but totally appreciate men do this too

OP posts:
TempestTost · 15/08/2025 23:17

Yes, it is a huge thing, so many people seem not to see why it's a problem.

Dads also do it, I've known a few. I think it's less common mainly because there are more cases where the kids don't live as much with the father, so he can more easily confine his dating to times when there are no kids, and even if he introduces a gf, the kids won't see so much of her.

The other issue though is while it's not particularly emotionally good for the kids to have the dad's gfs around, they are far less likely to turn out to be sexual abusers.

CinnamonBuns67 · 15/08/2025 23:30

Yanbu. All 3 of the single mum I know have done this despite insisting they'd never do it. One had him sleeping over the day after she met him, another had the fella moved in after 2 weeks, the one who told her ex to wait a year before introducing his new partner because that's what she would do as a minimum did it after 6 weeks. They all had the same excuse when I said "I thought you was going to wait 6 months-1 year" which was "It isn't possible for me to have a relationship without involving the kids as we'd only see each other at weekends" Just to add plenty of men do this too but my personal experience is that it's more overlooked when mum does it and it shouldn't be it's equally wrong regardless of the parent that does it.

Nowdontmakeamess · 15/08/2025 23:40

ToKittyornottoKitty · 15/08/2025 22:59

Men do this too, why have you decided just to poke at women?

Because 99% of paedophiles are male

PollyBell · 15/08/2025 23:45

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2025 22:28

Sure they do but how many children are abused or killed by their dad’s girlfriend compared with mum’s boyfriend?

Show quote history

Yes, but no parent should do it, no wonder kids these days seem to have so many mental health issues