AIBU to think some women introduce new partners to kids WAY too soon?!

[Labradorlover987]

I would like to caveat this thread with the starting point that I am a single mother to two children - I completely understand how hard it is and how isolating & lonely it can be.

However, I have been shocked by the actions of two friends recently - one is a mother of a child in my son’s year (aged 7) - she told me she was in a DV relationship, the father left in January for another woman and she has moved another guy into the home (she has three kids under 10) and they are acting like one big happy family. I don’t know him at all and he could be an amazing guy, it just seems very soon after the birth father leaving in January?!

The other is a close friend of mine - she has two children. Met a guy on tinder in April - I went to her house yesterday and there is a photo on the wall of her, the new guy and her two children?! And they’ve been together 4 months?!

This honestly blows my mind - I’m single but I can’t imagine letting a new partner meet my kids after a few months? What if it doesn’t workout?

AIBU or this is normal?

I tried to talk to my ex about this but it made no difference. He used to introduce new partners after a couple of weeks and the conveyor belt of new women was always confusing to my DC’s.
In 12 years my DC’s have met 3 of my partners. One I liked, one I loved and one I thought was the love of my life. None worked out but the earliest I introduced them was 9 months. And that was the one I thought would last forever. They still ask about him which is heartbreaking. But at least it’s not a conveyor belt like their dad.

My previous neighbour did this repeatedly. She’d move them in after a couple of weeks, they’d cheat on her etc then eventually it would end and two weeks later another bloke would be living there. Mental.

My ex-h was introduced to his GF’s twins within a few weeks. They were around 12 and although I didn’t have kids then, I could not imagine letting some random man around my pre-teen girls. He moved in after a few months. They have other kids together now but I still can’t believe she was such an idiot.

YANBU and I’m also a single mum to 2 children.

One of my friends repeatedly has her flings over to the house in the evening when her kids are asleep. I wouldn’t do this either.

But I also don’t think that foisting a partner onto your kids and forcing a blended family is any better. Kids are unlikely to form bonds with men who are just short term flings so less likely to be damaging when they end. It’s more problematic if they are forced to live with a whole other family imo. But that’s also an unpopular opinion. 🤣

I did a bit of online dating around a decade or so ago and went on dates with two different men who said that they'd had women turn up to a second date with their children.

I'm sympathetic to the lack of support but if you can't go on a second date without taking your children with you, you're not in a position to date.

The moving a bf in after a few months or after a couple of weeks is nuts, they could have an interest in children,anger issues, controlling behaviour, substance issues and so forth.

If memory serves me right wasn't there a recent case where the BF moved in and murdered a child?
And he moved in within day's?

I don’t have kids so can’t really relate to all the concern / judgement, but serious question: how is a single mother supposed to date and find love if she’s restricted to when her kids aren’t with her? What’s wrong with introducing a new man as a friend initially? The idea you have to wait a whole year before having your new boyfriend over at your house is crazy to me. Not all single mothers get time off from their children, especially if the other parent isn’t in the picture.