To think “male vulnerability” is just a rebrand of self-pity?

[SharpTaupeWren]

Everywhere I turn it’s “let men be vulnerable.” But often it looks less like vulnerability and more like men wanting praise for wallowing. AIBU?

I think since the dawn of time men have been encouraged NOT to be vulnerable, and it’s toxic. The more we encourage honest emotions - for both sexes - the better tbh.

Do you have an issue with men @SharpTaupeWren to make such a sweeping statement?

Can you imagine why men might need to open up and be more vulnerable and how encouraging this behaviour could save lives?

Nope. I have 2 DDs and 2 DSs. I worry far more for the latter.

I’m not against genuine openness, it’s the performative, self-congratulatory version I’m side-eyeing. Real vulnerability is valuable, self-pity dressed up as progress isn’t.

There are some who use it to their benefit- but they would always have used something to play people. Just concentrate on people who have integrity. Ignore the arseholes

Ohhh 100000%!! and I have two sons

I've been watching Youtube videos for men made by dating coaches. The advice is not to misunderstand women's claimed desire for "emotionally intelligent" men, apparently what this actually means is that women want someone who will listen to them. A man who talks about his own problems, or admits to any sort of weakness, is a big turn-off.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ZEODvlgiGE

Brene Brown.

The truth is that a lot of women don't want a vulnerable man. (not a quote)

YABU

Men not feeling able to discuss their feelings is a problem, as seen in the high suicide rate among adult men.

I would like to see allowances for vulnerability made, alongside building up resilience. This is essential for both sexes. As said previously, there will always be those who take advantage of the good nature of others and not much can be done about them.

Kind encouragement of strength while allowing vulnerability is absolutely fine in my opinion. Boys squash their feelings too much, and as a woman I know that overprocessing difficulties is unhelpful. It's a very complex balance.

Calling men being vulnerable "self pitying" is toxic masculinity

I think men think women want emotionally vulnerable men. In reality, women want men who are emotionally literate but not emotionally needy. I'm a staunch feminist but I find it unattractive when a man is emotionally needy or weak.

100%. I want a man who can talk about feelings and is emotionally present but not one who whines about his feelings or is too needy.

That's not a feminist. That's a straight up man hater

"You can have feelings but I don't want to hear about them. I want you to listen to me whine about mine"

I think this is true of most of the self-help / awareness / therapy stuff you see online these days - not just the ones aimed at men. My FB is filled with ‘meaningful quotes’ analysing how people treat them, the words they use, and what it all ‘really means.’ As though every interaction is centred on them and their needs. I doubt a single one of them is analysing their own words and actions with quite the same depth. It all comes under ‘navel gazing.’

What a depressing outlook.

I often side eye these "high suicide rates" from men because the local ones published seem to run along the lines of he split up from his longtime partner of 6 months couldn't cope and took his life after she wouldn't take his calls condolences flood in she gets annihilated in the comments we have also had many murder suicides a man who committed suicide on the path he knew his children used as a short cut to school in the morning a man who threatened suicide so often people ignored him so he took a load of pills left messages saying he had done it everyone was like sure sure he must have thought someone would come running no-one did he died

It's almost like it's used as a weapon you know?

Anyway people need to stick with there own kind needy people need to stick with clingy people etc etc

I think previous posters are right many women don't want emotionally open men they want 'traditional' masculine men at least until the children come along. Once the children are here they complain that their partner isn't doing his share when he's actually performing the traditional male role she wanted.

As for the question posed is it any worse for men talking about male vulnerability is it any worse than women talking about it?

Also just to point this out men are more successful at suicide women attempt more often

My dad would be classed as a traditional male he still cooked cleaned when my mom twisted her ankle and had our backs if anything went wrong that is a traditional male not Billy big balls to big to wipe a floor because they were a team when he lost his job she went full time when she was injured he stepped in or at least arranged his family to help because he worked

Honestly "traditional roles" are so warped and twisted these days

Presumably, you'd prefer if they just shut up and paid the bills instead. 🙄

I suspect women use it more as a call for help rather than an actual attempt to kill themselves.

I suspect some women use suicide attempts as emotional terrorism and/or as a way of demanding others to pay attention to them.

Women are probably more likely to be believed if they say they're going to try it as well.

Having known a man who disappeared off one day when he reached breaking point, spent the day with his family as they waited anxiously for any news until the police found him in his car, miles away, with a shed load of pills, listened to his story afterwards (he's become a bit of a local spokesman now for male mental health) I can say that for some men it's a very, very real problem

Yes shuffle them off to work so the little wife can have their spa days

Is just another way of saying it is not a competition and maybe there are benefits to everyone if couples talk more?