Do you think this is racist?

[Helpmechooseausername]

I was on holiday and had developed quite a good tan (I'm white). I said to someone "if I stayed here for another few weeks I'd be the colour of chocolate" and they said I was being racist. They said that I was saying that someone who is black (I hope that is an acceptable term) is the colour of chocolate and that is offensive.

It's totally stumped me! I was referring to myself, not anyone else, regardless of their colour. I genuinely think I'm not offensive to anyone - I certainly don't try to be - but it makes me feel like this is a very narrow tightrope I'm on!

AIBU to think that what I said was ok, or do I need to rethink this?

Thanks!

My core friendship group is five women. Two are Asian, two are black and I'm white. Most summers we have a conversation where they compare my tan to their own skin tone "You're catching us up" sort of thing. It would never occur to me that a neutral reference to one's own skin tone, that simply compared it to something brown, would be racist.

This is so true @SquishedMallow the fear of being accused of racism is quite real and like you say it can feel like you can't win if you are white and over think it. Teens are so afraid of getting it wrong that they try to overcompensate (and ironically get it wrong anyway)

Well the parents of those teens, should be encouraging their kids 1) not to hate being white. 2) apologising for it. 3) respecting different ethnicities, inasmuch as they respect you. All common sense.

Yes I believe it, I've heard the in jokes from my colleagues. But I think the problem comes when white people are attacked for innocent and well meaning gestures (all be it naive - such as hair touching/fascination) and they're turned on and accused of a "micro aggression". To me : it is a little like bullying.

100%. No need to fawn/gush/"check your own prejudice" and believe you're inherently racist!

If you literally just treat others normally and go about your day as you would with anyone else, there won't be a problem. The problem comes from all the over analysis, the new coined terms such as "micro aggressions", the over focus and naval gazing from all sides.

Its sowing division.

Exactly. I believe the current definition of racism and all it allegedly entails is like the horseshoe theory : where ironically people are trying to be so unracist they're being racist! (In the form of positive discrimination: white people fawning over black people, pushing their kids towards their kid in playgrounds, treating them differently to white people and having different rules for them : if you treat people equally, that means all of it not just the good stuff. So if white woman mum in playground pushes past you and runs trolley over your foot and your response would be "excuse me ?" : then it should be exactly the same to black mum in the playground. Instead of going red when you realise they're black and loudly saying to your three yr old "oh dear, that poor mum must be very busy bless her. We're all busy mums aren't we.".

It's because it isn't racist. That's just a fact. Carry on being natural you amongst your friends. I'm sure it's worked this far! ❤️

People are often deeply uncomfortable dealing with people of different ethnicities for fear of offending, to the point they create divides that didn't exist.

I work with young children of many different races and ethnic groups and one thing we do at the start of the year is openly talk about our looks including our skin tone. Everyone gets the same time and focus, so no one is the different or special one. Truthfully I found it extremely difficult at the start because i was meeting children from ethnic groups I knew little about and genuinely want to offend. I grew up in a very monocultural place, there was no one in my town that was of a different ethnicity, that's the truth. Obviously as an adult ive met lots of different people but there was still that knee jerk reaction to want to tell a child to be quiet when they ask why is she brown or why is his Mum wearing something on her head. It takes time to be confident talking about it, but that's the whole point of the exercise. We sit in a circle with our arms out and I show off my extremely freckly irish skin and the kids comment on their own skin tones, we also discuss hair texture and eye colour etc. I hope the next generation are more comfortable with skin diversity and proud of their own ethnicity regardless of where they come from.

What does any of that have to do with the colour of chocolate?

I agree your comment isn't racist, but I presume the person thought it was because "chocolate" used to be/perhaps still is a term used by some racists for black people. Referring to them as "chocolates" or another similar term I don't actually want to type out really.

But no, a white person compairing their own skin to chocolate isn't racist.

I do find these threads weird though. They seem to become forums for a load of right wing people to hang out and share stories of how horrible it is these days to have to watch everything you say, for fear of racist accusations.

I mean, is that really your experience? Because I am white and I have never once been accused of racism, and I don't particularly watch what I say, I just don't say racist stuff.

Obviously there may be rare occurrences (such as in OP's case, if this story is genuine) where someone mistakenly calls someone racist. But in my experience it's pretty rare, so I wonder where you are all hanging out, that this is happening to you constantly.....

I think the only group that's ashamed and uncomfortable about their skin colour is white people.

Ah. "Right wing" : what makes you assume from the very balanced opinions on here that someone comes from a right wing ideology? That sounds like a "trope" to me.

You do realise your sentiments are identical to mine don't you ? I've also never had an issue with being accused of racism. It's usually the shouty middle class white women that are "checking their privilege" and holding a magnifying glass up to themselves and others that end up being so unracist they fall into racism. And then it's the "bigots" fault.

Nobody on here has come out with any "right wing" rhetoric.

And you do realise, that even if they did, people are allowed to be right wing ?

We're all individuals. Nobody is a hive mind.

But one thing we seem to agree on (which I have been saying all along on this thread ) Is: treat people normally.

It is actually quite a right wing trope-the cries of “ “can’t say anything anymore” “people are looking for things to be offended by”

But this particular case does seem to have been a bit of a misunderstanding. It was certainly a “thing” a while back to call black people variations of “chocolate face” in a joking manner. The sort of joke that gets very wearing after a while. As a redhead and the mother of red heads I can relate. And it is a rather strange thing for the OP to have said- it’s not a simile I have ever heard anyone use to describe a deep tan. So the other person seems to have jumped to conclusions.