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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this okay for a 7.5 year old girl?

31 replies

BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 15:20

Prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable, as I think my perspective may be skewed from having been abused as a child:

My twin DDs - 7.5 - are currently away with their father.

He's been pretty cool re: sending me photos and videos from days out.

I've been a tad uncomfortable with photos of DD1 being on the beach and in outdoor parks, wearing just her underwear (for context, she wears 'boyshorts' (or, whatever they are called), rather than briefs)).

Am I being over-protective/unreasonable to think that this isn't okay and that, at her age, she should have her chest covered in public?

I haven't mentioned this to anyone, nor will I speak to the girls' Dad about this, as I'm concerned that my own experience of being abused at this age by my Mum's boyfriend has distorted my perspective.

Thought I'd ask the hive mind and take feedback on the chin. 😬

OP posts:
adlitem · 15/08/2025 15:21

For me, yes. But I am Danish I realise I have a very different perception of nudity to most people in this country.

OtterlyMad · 15/08/2025 15:25

If your daughter’s torso looks the same as a boy’s (which I assume it does, since she’s only 7) then in my opinion it’s absolutely fine.

Once her breasts start budding, I would be wanting her to cover up.

Parksinyork · 15/08/2025 15:31

As long as she is happy then it’s fine.

TreeDudette · 15/08/2025 15:34

If the kid is comfortable I would be. My duaghter ran around in knickers and a tshirt, got in the sea, played in fountains at that age. As a teen she is very private and I respect her privacy.

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 15/08/2025 15:36

At age 7 I think this is fine.

Original poster
BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 15:43

OtterlyMad · 15/08/2025 15:25

If your daughter’s torso looks the same as a boy’s (which I assume it does, since she’s only 7) then in my opinion it’s absolutely fine.

Once her breasts start budding, I would be wanting her to cover up.

I think mainly still boy-ish - she's very tall for her age, but is very active, so no buds yet!

OP posts:
Original poster
BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 15:51

adlitem · 15/08/2025 15:21

For me, yes. But I am Danish I realise I have a very different perception of nudity to most people in this country.

My ex is Spanish - and they're staying with family in mainland Spain - and they're far more relaxed than I am.
I used to think I was quite chilled out - the girls lounge around at home just in briefs or without anything on unless we have anyone over, but I think I'm a lot more uptight than I'd realised.
Not sure whether this is because of my childhood or because of being English, so really helpful to get others' perspectives.

OP posts:
Original poster
BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 15:56

TreeDudette · 15/08/2025 15:34

If the kid is comfortable I would be. My duaghter ran around in knickers and a tshirt, got in the sea, played in fountains at that age. As a teen she is very private and I respect her privacy.

Thank you.
At my girls' age, I wore as little as possible, hated shoes and was normally found in trees, mud or water.
I don't know whether I'm uptight because of stuff I experienced, or because there seems to have been such a shift towards 'covering up'.
I think it's good that I'm trying to curb my over-protective tendencies, as I want both girls to be comfortable and natural in their choices.
I really don't want my trauma informed anxieties unduly affecting the girls.

OP posts:
adlitem · 15/08/2025 15:56

BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 15:51

My ex is Spanish - and they're staying with family in mainland Spain - and they're far more relaxed than I am.
I used to think I was quite chilled out - the girls lounge around at home just in briefs or without anything on unless we have anyone over, but I think I'm a lot more uptight than I'd realised.
Not sure whether this is because of my childhood or because of being English, so really helpful to get others' perspectives.

Show quote history

Culturally the English are very uptight about nudity compared to many European countries. Everything is on a scale, and Denmark is probably quite far towards the liberal end.

That said I'd think about what you are actually worried about. It sounds like perhaps it's "just" a cultural discomfort in which case your children's dad isn't doing anything wrong.

Original poster
BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 16:11

adlitem · 15/08/2025 15:56

Culturally the English are very uptight about nudity compared to many European countries. Everything is on a scale, and Denmark is probably quite far towards the liberal end.

That said I'd think about what you are actually worried about. It sounds like perhaps it's "just" a cultural discomfort in which case your children's dad isn't doing anything wrong.

Show quote history

I think you're spot on about the English being uptight about nudity.
I think my concerns are a mix of cultural influence and from being abused by a man at that age.
I try not to let my own dark experiences inform how I parent the girls, but I think it's affected me more than I'd like to admit.
Over here, there seems to be a massive judgement around parents who 'let' their girls wear crop tops at this age - I don't think anything of it, as my 2 are very active and they wear less when it's hot, including crop tops - but I seem to have this ingrained belief that they 'should' cover their chests in public.

OP posts:
SpanThatWorld · 15/08/2025 16:27

I was at a lake side beach in the UK last year and was surprised (not shocked, but surprised) to see a girl of about 8 in just bikini bottoms. It was a Spanish family. The UK is very much an outlier in terms of covering up pre-pubescent girls.

MCF86 · 15/08/2025 16:40

I think it's very normal for where they are and nobody will be batting an eyelid. I actually think bikinis look more inappropriate at that age but also appreciate that might be a "me" thing!

DiscoBob · 15/08/2025 16:48

If the child is comfortable then I'd say it's fine. A seven yo boy and girl look the same topless?
Especially on the beach.

I just don't see how someone could think the nipples of a prepubescent child could be considered indecent?

If there are paedos lingering about that's awful but surely they would just perv on kids regardless of what they're wearing?

But obviously if you have an issue with it then the father should take that into consideration.

Minecroft · 15/08/2025 16:53

I have a 7.5-year-old and a 6.5-year-old DD. Recently I have noticed a difference in the 7.5 year-old’s behaviour around nudity. She has naturally become much more self-conscious and I’ve bought her one of those changing ponchos for the beach. She used to be happy to wee in a bush when we were out for a long walk, she won’t do that anymore either in case somebody sees her. Nothing has happened to trigger this… I think this is totally natural progression and probably age-appropriate. She is still happy to be a bit more exposed at home and have a bath with her sister… But she is aware of people seeing her body when she is out in public.

The six-year-old on the other hand is quite happy to run around in her pants / get changed on the beach (somewhere discreet) etc. Their bodies are very similar!

I think seven years old and as long as she is not concerned about people seeing her body - its still just about okay… Once she gets a little bit older, 8/9 I would expect that she would want a bit more privacy. Are you sure she is comfortable?

DustlandFairytaleBeginning · 15/08/2025 16:53

I felt a bit uncomfortable changing my 4 yr old daughter in the open at a splash park this week- she was in a dress so pants area was hidden while I changed that, top half was on display briefly, but I was thinking it should probably be ok and I was likely being a bit uptight. The same day we were there a boy of a similar age was running around butt naked for nearly an hour so I can see there is a wide range of views!

Mumofoneandone · 15/08/2025 16:56

I'm with you on not being comfortable with children wandering round in little (or nothing) near water.
Both my children wear a top and bottom when they are in the sea/around water. My DD is 10, my DS is 8. Have always done this since they were tiny. They are both fine with it.
My DH also always wears a t-shirt with his swim shorts.

TheOnlyThing · 15/08/2025 16:58

I’d probably be more worried about sunburn but we are super fair and only have to glance at the sun before turning pink.

Goditsmemargaret · 15/08/2025 17:01

Our home was relaxed. Our mother always told us not to bother with bikini tops when we were young. I am very comfortable with nudity in general now.

My DD is that age. I would be totally fine with this if she was too. They are in Spain and it wouldn't look out of place.

I'm so sorry about what happened to you. The absolute bastard.

Apollonia1 · 15/08/2025 17:05

Since you said they’re Spanish, I think it’s fine.
I used to live in Spain and young girls always just wore bikini bottoms, so it’s the cultural norm.

Endofyear · 15/08/2025 17:18

I think a 7 year old girl in little shorts is the same as a 7 year old boy in little shorts. It's understandable that you're concerned but I think when your girls start puberty they will naturally become more modest and want to cover up their top half. Try not to worry and trust that their dad will be vigilant and look after them.

OnLockdown · 15/08/2025 17:50

I live in Spain. Nudity really isn't a big thing here. Especially not were children are concerned. She won't be the only child without a top at the beach or pool.

Original poster
BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 23:19

DiscoBob · 15/08/2025 16:48

If the child is comfortable then I'd say it's fine. A seven yo boy and girl look the same topless?
Especially on the beach.

I just don't see how someone could think the nipples of a prepubescent child could be considered indecent?

If there are paedos lingering about that's awful but surely they would just perv on kids regardless of what they're wearing?

But obviously if you have an issue with it then the father should take that into consideration.

My child's comfort is definitely paramount in this instance, so all good on that front.
I haven't suggested anywhere that the nipples of my 7 year old child were indecent, nor those of any individual, prepubescent or otherwise.
I said in my original post that I wouldn't be mentioning it to my DD's father and that my perspective was likely skewed by being abused - for context, raped - by my mother's boyfriend du jour.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 15/08/2025 23:23

It's fine as long as the kids are happy.

There's nothing to 'cover up' on a seven year olds chest.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 15/08/2025 23:32

I have 7.5yo twins b/g.

Both very comfortable with public nudity. Bit too much so!

I don't let them be actually naked in public, but briefs are just fine.

Original poster
BengalBangle · 15/08/2025 23:40

Minecroft · 15/08/2025 16:53

I have a 7.5-year-old and a 6.5-year-old DD. Recently I have noticed a difference in the 7.5 year-old’s behaviour around nudity. She has naturally become much more self-conscious and I’ve bought her one of those changing ponchos for the beach. She used to be happy to wee in a bush when we were out for a long walk, she won’t do that anymore either in case somebody sees her. Nothing has happened to trigger this… I think this is totally natural progression and probably age-appropriate. She is still happy to be a bit more exposed at home and have a bath with her sister… But she is aware of people seeing her body when she is out in public.

The six-year-old on the other hand is quite happy to run around in her pants / get changed on the beach (somewhere discreet) etc. Their bodies are very similar!

I think seven years old and as long as she is not concerned about people seeing her body - its still just about okay… Once she gets a little bit older, 8/9 I would expect that she would want a bit more privacy. Are you sure she is comfortable?

Definitely sure she is comfortable, as she would let the world know, were she not: both girls are quick to articulate when they are not happy, although DD/Twin 1 does this far more diplomatically than her sister!

OP posts: