Do you contact your parents or do they contact you?

[Tiredofbeingtiredtoday]

Or a bit of both?

Have realised if I don’t contact them every week, then it’s around two weeks until mum will eventually message to see how we are

Is this normal?

My mum is like this. Doesn’t like to ‘disturb’ me despite my having told her countless times if I can’t talk I’ll just tell her and call her back when I can. I’ve given up.

I only hear from or see my parents when I contact or visit them.

@LottieMary snap. My MiL thinks phones only work one way. It’s not my problem any more, but we are both beyond hurt she never contact either of us.
I take it in turns with my parents and we speak once a week, and send messages two or three times in a week

Neither. NC is a beautiful thing sometimes.

Both

My dad only phones me when he wants something.
I'll probably phone him in September to ask if he wants to come for Xmas.

I quite to phone him on the dc birthdays, to see if his conscience pricks him.

If we visit, he ignores them, but expects their adoration.

He lives about 8 miles away. 😀

My mother is the stereotypical riot with a mobile phone. Countless pointless messages.
morning.
what doing
saw car
where going
call asap. (May be an emergency, more likely to be the bin man didn’t come)
afternoon
evening
what doing
theres a cat on the lawn
the cats gone now
hows kids

shes not lonely. She is like the village chair person. Never home.

it’s just the incessant messaging.

drives my poor dad just as mad.

it’s so extreme my siblings have set up a group to share the craziness.

it’s your brothers birthday

I know I messaged him.

did you? I didn’t see it. can you show me?

it said happy birthday.

ok.

did you send a card.

there’s a cat in the lawn.

sadly, this makes me want to visit less often!!

My siblings and I message each other when our parents do call one of us.

it may only happen once every 2 years (I am not kidding)

im currently in a stand off with them. I expect they don’t realise. I haven’t phoned them in 2 months. In this time a lot has happened in my life but they don’t know about it because I haven’t spoken to them!!!

we are not close. As you can tell.

I would hate for my kids to have the same relationship with me. I just hope I can learn from this and show some interest and curiosity.

I ring once a week and visit once a week. But mine are pretty elderly. In the past it was still me that made contact though.
dh parents tends to be 75% us 25% them. We see them oncea month speak every couple weeks

Both, but 2 weeks actually seems about normal to me at least for that sort of "how are you doing" conversation with my dad. My dad/ step mother/ DH and I tend to exchange pictures or short anecdotes via text every few days but those aren't really reply-necessary things - we'll give a quick acknowledgement or reaction or maybe ask a follow up question about whatever was happening. I make more of an effort to send little updates about the DC since my parents are in the US but I was far more lax about it when I was single.

I have three other siblings/step siblings with that same set of parents. The one who lives closest would probably go a year or more without ever calling if he didn't have a dog he asks them to sit for and doesn't particularly participate in group photo/messaging. One would probably go 3-4 months before calling and doesn't send many updates of his own but is usually the first to react to a shared pic or story from any of us. One lives across the country from her mum/my dad and I think she calls or facetimes with them 3-4x per day - I've heard her call her mum for opinions on what salad dressing she should get with her dinner. Our parents tend to just follow our lead on contact I think, but there's a big range in what feels normal and comfortable in each relationship.

I'm the parent. My eldest rarely contacts me unless she wants something, even if that's just information. My youngest contacts me more frequently, but not usually more than about once a month unless she is responding to me, when we can have quite a long text conversation.

I contact them relatively frequently. It is important to me that they know that I am thinking of them. I do get sad that they obviously don't think of me very often, or maybe it's just that they take me for granted.

My children are both in their 40s, if that makes any difference.

Mix of both. Messages usually most days, 2 at most. Speak a few times a week. See each other every 3-5 weeks or so.

I contact my parents every day and they contact me every day, I'd say it's about equal.

My adult dd who lives about an hour away, we text probably 4x a week speak at least twice a week, we are watching a box set together once a week and I see her once or twice a month (I would do more but she is busy

We have a family WhatsApp that we probably all use once or twice a week. I probably message my mum//she messages me (on behalf of both of them. Dad messages about twice a year). We pretty much never speak on the phone, not sure why really. I visit them once or twice a month (60 miles away). They’ve only been here a couple of times, but my Dad has been in poor health, so I don’t mind so much. I call my Grandma once a week- she’s 102, so I don’t mind it being one way and she’s always asking after everyone.

Both our parents are long gone. We have adult children ds2 will ring once a week or i will call him, he works long hours and I don't want to disturb him.
Dd will message usually once a week and will come for tea on a Saturday usually every other week, she also works long hours. Ds1 rings when he wants something ordering from Amazon, I ring him at least once a week as he has mh issues and I need to check on him.
Dh doesn't ring anyone, he can't text to save his life. He will ask if I've rung kids but he's one of those weirdos who only visits if there's an actual reason. Want something mending or sorting out he's there otherwise doesn't see the point. Is very happy to see them if they come here.

I think we should measure all distances in moles. Much more fun. This made me 😃

When my mum was alive, we’d text daily and she’d tell me she loved me most days. Started when I was pregnant with DC1 and continued until she was in the hospice and too blind to see her phone. It’s one of the things I miss the most about her tbh.

Now it’s just my dad, I try to text him every day and he usually initiates 1-2 days per week. He’s a bugger for losing his phone though!

I have contact with my elderly dad (via text or phone) 2 or 3 times a day. I see him in person once a week as I live 50 miles away but I go over to sort out his medication and tidy up the house. When my mum was alive, it was the same. They were/are good, loving parents and I’m grateful for their influence in my life. Maybe I’m unusual?

I got tired of being the one to call after about 20 years. DM is proud of being a mobile phone-less luddite. I always phone at the wrong time, yet still the calls take an hour and are mainly about how awful the GP and council are, the cats' health and updates on various unknown to me Margarets, Barberas and Johns. Barely a question about my life and the DCs ( she openly dislikes DS1) and there's a lot I self-censor anyway.

She hardly hears the phone, let alone gets to it in time and doesn't check the answerphone. If I do randomly get circimstances falling together, she struggles to hear to have a lucid two-way conversation anyway; her hearing never was great on the phone.

She wasn't one to pick the phone up and ring her mum either.

If she'd engaged with mobile phones and text messaging (and she was young enough 25+ years ago) it would be much easier to keep in touch. I have enough on with my family without chasing around extended family members who have made various choices to create hinderences along the way.

It's weird as both me and mom don't like talking on the phone .

im a txter . I see her regularly , she babysits at the drop of a hat , loves to go out shopping , afternoon tea etc . Will always attend my children's birthday outings / plans etc .

she has massively helped with childcare when I've returned to work with both my children but it's very rare she would ring me, but if I need her she's there . And vice versa .

shes 76 now and I feel it's my job to check in on her not the other way round.

Always me. I think it’s because they don’t like to bother me or intrude rather than not giving a shit?

Both, we generally talk once or twice a week on video call, and sometimes message in between

We live a few hours away now, and try to see each other in person every 6-8 weeks

Parents in my case - I was the one that made an effort, saw them on weekends, calls etc, made sure i was there for big events such as birthdays, fathers/mothers day etc. I started to notice that I was the one making more of an effort so pulled back a bit.
A family falling out years ago, means I will not go to their house now in case I bump in to the person who caused the fall out, they know this. There have been numerous times they could have come to me but they dont!
I now post cards etc and dont call them. Come this bank holiday it will be a year that I last saw them, and there have probably been a handful of texts gone between us in that time. It hurt at first, why am i not good enough to be bothered with....?! But then i got over it, they dont bother with me so why should I bother with them?

Tbh at this point I really couldn’t care if my mother never contacts me ever again.