Other people's cooking makes me feel sick

[TheLuckyMoose]

Okay, so I already know I am BU in some ways. I’m just not sure how others cope?

Other people’s food hygiene standards make me feel sick. Whether it’s my brother cooking with a sweaty forehead, whether it’s people touching the food when I know they haven’t washed their hands. Or it could be someone talking over the food they are making and I’m sure saliva is getting into the food.

Recently I have been at a friends house and she doesn’t rinse the debris off the plates before washing them. So the basin water ends up full of stuff and that water is subsequently used to clean more dishes.

I also have a friend who literally licks her fingers whilst cooking.

I wondered if I have OCD, but my fear is not of getting ill, it’s more that I feel sick eating the food given to me when people just aren’t hygienic enough in my opinion.

I know this post sounds awful, please be gentle with me. I have had issues with this since I was little, but I’m just noticing more and more people doing unhygienic things whilst preparing meals and it’s making my life difficult.

If you start paying attention to people preparing food, you will be shocked to see how unhygienic others are.

I need to try not to watch, but it’s awkward and difficult when they are your friend and they’re cooking you a meal and you are in the room with them.

As much as possible, I will avoid any home made food under any circumstances. I can eat in a restaurant as long as I don’t see the food being prepared, although I am hyper vigilant when eating and recently found a hair in my carbonara at a popular Italian chain. The chefs (which I could see as they were just behind glass), had hair nets, but both had long beards with no protective wear on. So lo and behold, it was a beard hair. 🤢

It really does impact my life. I often stay with my friend who licks her fingers when preparing food. She lives a distance away so it’s the only way I can see her. Or stay at a hotel, but this would be hurtful to her. It’s absolutely disgusting and I can’t understand why her family members don’t say anything to her about it.

Do you realise that the gelling temperature for jam is 105 degrees C? To make jam gel, you have to boil it like crazy. Then it is sealed in jars with lids, both sterilised either in an oven or in boiling water. Bacteria don't survive the process

That's quite helpful, thank you.

Have you ever worked in a restaurant or had close family that did?

It really raises the bar for food and kitchen hygiene if this is the case.

My FIL owned a restaurant, I worked in one, and I lived with a line cook for a while. Hand washing, securing hair, sanitizing, these are my norms. But, other people don't have to follow my norms in their home cooking. Food is not sterile. The people I eat with do take basic precautions.

Well you only have to read some threads on here to make you vomit about people’s standards. Not long ago someone said they let the dogs lick the plate clean before they go in the dishwasher. Another puts her dogs bowls in the dishwasher. People are 🤮

So you wouldn't eat if the kitchen was filthy, but you would if the cook had just had her fingers up her nose.
I'm with the OP, apart from talking while cooking and if I could do that, I'd be a TV cook!

I don’t think I know anyone who would stick their fingers up their nose in front of someone else. Not an example given by the OP.

I don’t really have an issue with the possibility that a trace of sweat or saliva might have made its way into my food. For those who do, I assume they cook everything from scratch and never buy anything made by humans in a factory?? As the chances are, there will be sweat and saliva there…

I'm another one who used to dread people bringing baked goods into the office! They seem to get very offended if you say no, so I used to end up taking a bit and sneaking it into the bin later.

Ironically, my own food hygiene isn't perfect. But it doesn't bother me when it's myself. Like you OP, I can handle restaurants where I can't see what's going on. I think I just blank it out in my mind.

I don't really see it as a problem though. It doesn't interfere with my life to any great extent.

With the friend who licks her fingers, could you offer to cook? Or get a takeaway or eat out? I wouldn't like that either. My mums like that, she once bought a big chocolate cake when I went there and offered for me to take the remainder home. Then licked her finger and ran it all across the cardboard base to get the chocolate scraps! That cake went in the bin!

I have had chemo twice and lose hair sometimes while cooking even using a hairnet. I try real hard but sometimes things happen.

Ditto "cooking while having a sweaty forehead". Unless it is actually dripping, which is unlikely.

To be honest, I'm pretty relaxed about all these things other than appropriate washing and careful cleaning of boards after raw meat. Both in my own cooking and other people's. I've never been worried about eating food other people have cooked at home. I love eating home baked cakes, or home-made jam, or going to someone else's house for dinner. I don't think what you describe is typical, but you are clearly not alone.

I admit I do slightly squirm at dogs licking dishes. Even when they go in the dishwasher afterwards, which I admit is probably irrational. But I'm not a dog lover and loathe having dogs slobbering on me.

Why do you think this is a problem? Surely the point of the dishwasher is to get the dishes really clean?
After all, in some countries they suggest sterilising baby's bottles in the dishwasher. We do know it isn't QUITE hot enough to do that but it's certainly hot enough for adults!

This.

@TheLuckyMoose

There's obviously important things like washing hands and maintaining good practices especially when handling poultry, for example. These are things that can make you really sick if not followed. Other things though in your post - e.g. licking fingers while cooking, depending on your cooking method and the utensils you use I don't see how that could realistically create any sort of issue. E.g. let's say I'm baking a cake, ok I've licked my finger but of course I've not subsequently touched the batter and presumably this will be poured into a tray and into the hot oven? Also talking over food - again very mininal if not negligible danger, plus does this mean no talking at the dining table at all? If you're scared of spit (!!) then this realistically should mean no talking at the dinner table, so not very pragmatic really.

Don't come to our house. Black dog hairs get everywhere and we joke about it !

The horror ! 😁

Of course food hygiene is important but being bothered by somebody talking while preparing food is a little extreme! How do you get on eating out? Having worked in hospitality for most of my life I can guarantee you will never come across a silent kitchen. Chefs have to communicate constantly with other staff. Plus it's just sociable to talk to people while you're getting food ready.

" I often stay with my friend who licks her fingers when preparing food. She lives a distance away so it’s the only way I can see her. Or stay at a hotel, but this would be hurtful to her. It’s absolutely disgusting and I can’t understand why her family members don’t say anything to her about it"

Because, objectively, it's not absolutely disgusting. You find it absolutely disgusting and that's fair enough.

Those charity cake sales at work… I’ll put money in but you can keep your cake, thanks.
Can’t believe how trusting people are of near strangers’ kitchens.
And no, you can’t tell what someone’s hygiene standards are like based solely on appearance. At uni I lived with a very well put-together girl… who didn’t wash her hands after using the toilet. She’d say “but it was just a wee”. Still don’t want your urine in my food thank you.

Thinking like this limits the quality of your life massively and prevents you from doing all kinds of fun things. Most of the things you mention wouldn’t even make you ill.

Yeah sorry I agree with this. I see this sort of thing a lot on here but, with all kindness, this is irrational, neurotic and unhealthy.

It's not possible to live in a sterile bubble. There is always some risk with respect to hygiene inherent in food prep, whether its you doing the prep or someone else.

Most of the examples you've cited here sound unreasonable to me. You can't reasonably believe that someone having a sweaty forehead is going to pose a food hygiene risk: this just doesn't stand up if you think this through: he would have to sweat absolutely buckets for any of it to go into the food and if it did the heat would rapidly kill any harmful bacteria. There are as many (probably more) microbes on your clean fingers when you are cooking than there are on your brother's sweaty forehead. Do you not think people sweat in restaurant kitchens? What do you expect your brother to do in practice about having a sweaty forehead?

You can't, and you shouldn't seek to, eliminate all microbes from your environment. Not only is it a physical impossibility: there are millions of them in even the most sterile environments and they multiply so rapidly that you can't eliminating them. Also your immune system needs exposure to these microbes to develop the resilience it needs to identify and eliminating them.

I think you're missing out on good food, cooked by people who you trust, because of a neurosis and I think counselling would help.

No one tell the OP about how it's necessary for a good chef to taste their food as they cook.

The hygiene neurosis (and it is a neurosis, this is not normal and not reasonable and not something I encounter in every day life) is the weirdest part of MN for me. When my friends had kids they all seemed to suddenly become completely OK with talking about their babies' poo, vomit, piss etc even when it seemed inappropriate (when eating, for example). And yet this parenting site is full of women who are disgusted by even thinking about the bodies of their fellow human beings. I wonder what they think about their own sweat, spit and shit? I wonder how they can even bear to leave the house and if they do, do they wear hazmat suits?

@gannett

The hygiene neurosis (and it is a neurosis, this is not normal and not reasonable and not something I encounter in every day life) is the weirdest part of MN for me. When my friends had kids they all seemed to suddenly become completely OK with talking about their babies' poo, vomit, piss etc even when it seemed inappropriate (when eating, for example). And yet this parenting site is full of women who are disgusted by even thinking about the bodies of their fellow human beings. I wonder what they think about their own sweat, spit and shit? I wonder how they can even bear to leave the house and if they do, do they wear hazmat suits?

I completely agree: I am bemused by it. Particularly, as you say, because this is often the same people who change a dozen nappies a day and clean the toilet etc. Why should the risk of a few microscopic microbes of saliva in hot food be worse than the risk of particles of baby faeces on your hands? Its all extremely irrational.

See also the stuff about "outdoor clothes" not being worn while sitting on beds, or putting towels down before sex. No logic whatsoever to these things.

I found it a real eye-opener when I first joined this site to realise that a lot of people consider any close interaction with other people outside of their own families to pose some sort of biohazard risk.

I get you OP, I’m quite similar. I went to a work colleague’s house for dinner once. Lovely lady, quite posh, pretty high up professionally, nice house in London but bloody hell her cats were wandering around the kitchen worktops while she was cooking. I didn’t say anything but I just kept thinking, shit those cats are everywhere while she’s cooking what I’ve got to eat (I’m not a cat person at the best of times).

I went out to lunch once with my sil and before we went in she petted some animals (it was a country pub) and I thought, she’ll wash her hands before we sit down (nope). I even said, I’m going to wash my hands as they feel a bit grubby (I didn’t even pet the animals), and she didn’t take my cue. 🤦‍♀️

I get quite angsty if I don’t know if someone has washed their hands when food is involved.

I feel the same.
I was in Greggs the other day getting a coffee and the woman behind the till and disgustingly dirty nails
Just awful

I had chemo years ago so I don’t know if it’s connected but I have to wear head covering when I cook because my hair sheds. I try to be as careful as I can be but I could never work in a professional kitchen as even a hair net or apron doesn’t guarantee no rogue loose hair.

I'm easily put off food too, when the host isn't the cleanest person.
There is only person that I'm 💯 comfortable with, is one of my Dsis. Her home is gleaming.
My own home isn't gleaming, the kitchen and bathroom are deep cleaned weekly.