Other people's cooking makes me feel sick

[TheLuckyMoose]

Okay, so I already know I am BU in some ways. I’m just not sure how others cope?

Other people’s food hygiene standards make me feel sick. Whether it’s my brother cooking with a sweaty forehead, whether it’s people touching the food when I know they haven’t washed their hands. Or it could be someone talking over the food they are making and I’m sure saliva is getting into the food.

Recently I have been at a friends house and she doesn’t rinse the debris off the plates before washing them. So the basin water ends up full of stuff and that water is subsequently used to clean more dishes.

I also have a friend who literally licks her fingers whilst cooking.

I wondered if I have OCD, but my fear is not of getting ill, it’s more that I feel sick eating the food given to me when people just aren’t hygienic enough in my opinion.

I know this post sounds awful, please be gentle with me. I have had issues with this since I was little, but I’m just noticing more and more people doing unhygienic things whilst preparing meals and it’s making my life difficult.

I mean, you know that meat is literally a dead animal you're eating right? With blood and guts and that had a mouthful of saliva itself? And that fruit and vegetables will have been chewed and weed and shat on by insects? And that animals will wonder through farms and piss and shit on the ground your food is growing in.

Do you know how much fruit larvae is in jam? Almost certainly some, but it's not a health hazard so it's acceptable. Ever picked and eaten fruit straight off the bush? Probably eating a few larvae then too.

On this premise you can also never eat at a restaurant - do you know how many people don't wash their hands after taking a shit? Do you know how many people pick their nose? One of my cousins used to work in Mcdonalds and spit in the burgers of people he didn't like....

Personally I'm more concerned with all the horrific chemicals sprayed over everything - but yeah, you worry about whether your sister might have licked her finger once while making jam. Really hope you've never snogged anyone let alone given them a blow job if that is such a major concern!

Gut health and immune systems are so poor that it's actually recommended that you don't constantly wash your hands after stroking your dog or doing gardening now.

This thread is absolute madness!

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/12097838/Dog-walkers-and-gardeners-should-avoid-washing-hands-to-encourage-friendly-bacteria.htmlFriendly

Yes, this is it. This is absolutely not typical. I'm in my 60s, from a really big family, my DH is from an even bigger one. I have worked in many jobs, have a very wide circle of family, in laws, friends, colleagues over many decades, and across many countries. I do know one person like this. I also may have met a few others who I did not realise suffer from this issue. The rest eat happily wherever they are, ask for seconds, go to bake sales, share food etc. The respondents who share these feelings are drawn to this thread and are not representative of the majority of people.

How does this work at home? DH and I often chat in the kitchen while he cooks - are people ok with this in their own home but not with others?

Over the years I've been in very few households in which I wouldn't have accepted a cup of tea. Minor lapses in food hygiene aren't something I think about, and from what I've seen this is the case for most people.

It has made me aware that inviting people to stay for dinner or offering them a cup of tea could strike terror into their hearts, though.

It's a waste of food though, which other people could eat.

Food hygiene is important but it can go too far. How is talking over food unhygienic? Chefs are always a bit sweaty, kitchens get hot!!!! Most of the stuff won't hurt us - you transfer saliva when kissing so unless the person has a contagious disease a bit of saliva won't hurt. 57% of the human body is not human - bacteria, fungi, viruses and god knows what else. Being too hygienic can lead to allergies and poor immunity. Let them eat dirt - wasn't that Marie Antoinette?

I was with you until the talking over food part. That's utterly batshit.

Ew. Washing the meat will have spread any bacteria all over the kitchen. No thanks.

I totally get it OP and share a lot of your feelings. But I am 100% aware that they are problematic MH issues and I am a diagnosed OCD sufferer.

I have had (am having) therapy and done lots of reading around my condition. Obsessive thoughts are when you invent a whole narrative in your head around an external event - in this case, watching a friend chatting while cooking/imagining the disgusting kitchen the school fete cake might have been made in - and come to a flawed conclusion about it. (There's a book called 'Pure O' that goes into quite a lot of detail about obsessive thoughts around contamination.)

In my case I've never had food poisoning as an adult (and only once as a small child, on a camping holiday) and I've never had norovirus. I have no reason to be believe the food I saw being prepped in a cafe kitchen recently was unsafe, and my husband, who ordered the freshly prepared dish with salad, was absolutely fine (and enjoyed his meal without the cloud of misery over it that I felt!)

I think it's something to do with the age of hyper-hygiene we live in, and the messages we constantly absorb from social media, as well as unproven stories about someone's auntie's neighbour's friend's cousin who once found a toenail clipping in a sandwich or something. Whereas our grandparents would have been much more intuitive about food and trusted their own sense of taste, touch, sight and smell to judge whether food was safe or not, we are influenced by these millions of subconscious messages that tell us something may pose some weird, invisible threat to our very being. (Also, for our grandparents food was much more expensive and effortful to source so they probably valued it more!)

Like I say, I totally get it. But while this thread might show it's not uncommon it's definitely not 'normal' and it's a miserable way to live. I'm determined not to lose perspective and let myself believe that the problem is that other people are disgusting, and do all I can to change my own thought processes.

It's a waste of food though, which other people could eat

It's made from a glut of produce from their gardens and given to friends, family and neighbours. My neighbour gives jars to literally everyone she knows and never seems to run out. It's not made especially for me. I've tried to refuse by saying I've got plenty of jam and pickles but her answer is that it'll keep, she has dozens of jars in storage. Other people could eat that too but it'll probably stay in her cupboard until she finds someone to give it to. I am not going to tell her that I'm 'disgusted' by her jam because of the hairy smelly dog in her kitchen.

There is no jam or pickle shortage in my village.

We’re ok with it because we realise we don’t actually get ill any more often, and overly focussing on hygiene takes the joy out of life, and restricts what you can do, all for zero actual benefit!

Couldn't you just say 'I can't have them, I have to reduce my sugar intake drastically.' Nobody could feel hurt by that, could they?

😩I'm the same. I used to work with someone that used to bring in baked goods but she used to have cats all over the work surfaces with tapeworm segments hanging off their arses.

Just no.

I think it’s precisely because we don’t have many actual threats, at least compared to any of our ancestors, that some of us find silly things to worry about, that our ancestors would be amazed at if they could be brought back to life and see it!

You tend not to worry about someone’s sweaty forehead when you struggle to get food to put on the table in the first place!

I’ve never had this worry however I can say that I understand a little as I lived with a friend recently and discovered that they never washed their hands after using the loo… I was the only person using the soap and when I came back from holiday it had dust on it.

Never been so grossed out by someone I thought I knew very well.

Unreasonable or not (and many posters clearly think you are!), but I agree with you. I have a friend who's a very keen cook, but her kitchen is disgusting. The surfaces are filthy, the stove top is encrusted with grease and old food, there are dirty bits of crockery and cutlery all over the surfaces, food left out uncovered for hours. Bleugh! I love her dearly, but the only thing I have at her house is coffee!

Edited to say: I do think you're being a bit unreasonable about the sweaty for forehead and talking when cooking. Unless the sweat is in beads and dripping into the food he's making or the person talking actually spits when they talk (some people do!).

I used to have a neighbour giving us veggies but he worked for a milking machine manufacturer and used to bring home a pump from work and spray the contents of his septic tank all over his garden so it all went straight in the bin.

He and his Mum were frequently ill. The smell when he did it was something too. As soon as I heard him firing the thing up, I would go out for a few hours depending on the wind direction.

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

Talking near food is no more unhygienic than talking near you. People's breath contains spittle and germs. You will breathe some of these in. This thought may disgust you but it's unlikely to harm you.

Couldn't you just say 'I can't have them, I have to reduce my sugar intake drastically.' Nobody could feel hurt by that, could they?

Not really because we are a family of five. Can't all be suddenly reducing our sugar. None of us want the doggy jam.

This is one of those things that you shouldn’t think too deeply about - I know that sounds facetious, and I’m not trying to brush it aside. What I mean is that sometimes human higher cognitive reasoning clashes with our animal natures.

All of those things are gross, yes, but they’re part and parcel of life. Food isn’t meant to be sterile - we’re not just feeding ourselves but our gut bacteria which in turn strengthens our immune system.

We’re inclined to think we are our brains/minds and that our thoughts are true, but actually our brains need to be reined in, and the validity of thoughts called into question. CBT is excellent at developing tools for this. It’s dangerous to let thoughts like these funnel into purity spirals.

I'm the same and wouldn't ever eat anything made by others unless I know them really well and trust their hygiene levels (and they don't have kids 'helping'!). E.g I avoid all coffee mornings, charity bake sales, homemade cakes at work etc.

YABU but you know you are. It sounds like OCD is a possibility.

I have a colleague like you, who refuses to eat anything he hasn't prepared himself, even his mum's food. I pointed out that his mum had got him safely to adulthood without a problem but apparently that doesn't make any difference.

My team happily eat my home made cakes, but I have food hygiene training, have worked in a professional kitchen, and make bread and preserves for my elderly neighbours as well as my family. Plenty of practice at not poisoning people. 😊

Talking over food is an issue because people can often unintentionally spit when talking and then that saliva could go on the food. I do not want to ingest other people’s saliva. Some viruses such as glandular fever can be transferred via saliva even when the person isn’t ill anymore. Chefs should wear masks.

@PollyannaNibbs Do you realise that the gelling temperature for jam is 105 degrees C? To make jam gel, you have to boil it like crazy. Then it is sealed in jars with lids, both sterilised either in an oven or in boiling water. Bacteria don't survive the process.

As long as the lid is properly sealed and you hear the vacuum "pop" when you first open it, you will be fine.

thanks for the replies! I see I’m not alone, but understand like minded people will be drawn to this thread.

Just to clarify, I find it hard to eat food when people are talking over it and inadvertently spat. I’ve seen it happen so many times. I am totally on high alert so I see all of these things that I bet many of the people who don’t get it, wouldn’t see or notice.